Me VS. Wife

[MLSDUKE1]

So, as most of you know, I'm not in the states right now, but my wife is. This entire trip I have told her that I wanted to upgrade my big bird and I also wanted to get a 2011 YFZ 450R. She thinks that she can moderate the money I make in this desert sh!thole and tell me what I can and cannot buy.

I know there are more married people here than there are singles so I'm looking for your input. I'm making more than enough to sustain life and my quad payments would be <$100 a month. I live on base and have no bills except for the truck and the car which come out automatically each month and I never even see that money. Please tell me who is right here. I think its me, she doesn't. What would you do?

 

[Ezduzit]

I would wait until your state side! Its hard to argue over the phone/net.

Sent from my Thunderbolt!

 

[Twobrothersbusa]

We are 27 years into this thing called marriage and in my opinion, you only have "our" money. There is no such thing as her's or mine. You two are married, work it out. She needs to understand your needs / wants and you need to understand her needs. It is as fundamental as low end grunt and top end speed. It is a compromise in any form. It is not right or wrong, it is what you guys work out....good luck, I'm negotiating a 2010 Kawi at this point.

 

[JGGUNS]

It depends and I dont think I have enough information to side with either of you.

You say you make enough to sustain life but you dont say how much is left over past that point. Do you pay all your bills and sustain life and then have $10 bucks leftover each month or $10,000. I'm not judging or saying what is or isn't enough but if you have $1500 or so leftover each month after your current obligations and you have a nest egg then I would side with you. If you have $150 leftover each month after you meet your obligations and there is no backup then I would side with her.

The fact is, you married her so now you have to come to an agreement together because you as a couple control the funds.

 

[MLSDUKE1]

Oh no, we get that, we're not really fighting or anything. She just doesn't see my wants / needs as her own. The guy she was with before she met me is still in jail for stealing her money and his dad's so she finds it hard to cope I think. I'm also buying stuff to upgrade her SV650S, which she thinks is just fine. Its that trust issue on spending money on myself that she has a problem with.......... I think.

 

[Professor]

You are likely not going to like my answer. When you put the ring on her finger, spending the family money became a joint decision.

You two really need to get on the same page or the marriage is going to suffer.

You didn't give all the financial details but I've done some if the same things. I wish I would have put off many of my purchases when I was young. I had a blast but I would have much more wealth to buy toys now.

Grab one of Dave Ramseys books and see if you think it would work for you. I wish I had many years ago.


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[MLSDUKE1]

It depends and I dont think I have enough information to side with either of you.

You say you make enough to sustain life but you dont say how much is left over past that point. Do you pay all your bills and sustain life and then have $10 bucks leftover each month or $10,000. I'm not judging or saying what is or isn't enough but if you have $1500 or so leftover each month after your current obligations and you have a nest egg then I would side with you. If you have $150 leftover each month after you meet your obligations and there is no backup then I would side with her.

The fact is, you married her so now you have to come to an agreement together because you as a couple control the funds.

We have roughly $1000 left over each month going into a savings acount. We don't really have a plan for that money yet but I think we're leaning towards buying a house when I get back to FL. But right now I'm making another $1000 on top of that which I want to use to upgrade the bikes and get a quad with.

 

[JGGUNS]

The members here are a very conservative group on the whole, including myself. I dont think you are going to get the overwhelming reassurance that you are right on this subject that you are looking for.

 

[jphilipson]

Just remember, "Do whatever the **** you want", does not mean what you'd think.

 

[JGGUNS]

We have roughly $1000 left over each month going into a savings acount. We don't really have a plan for that money yet but I think we're leaning towards buying a house when I get back to FL. But right now I'm making another $1000 on top of that which I want to use to upgrade the bikes and get a quad with.

Ride the Busa and SV together and buy the house. Unless you can walk in and hand the dealer 80 $100 bills for the quad and not have second thoughts then I would not do it.

 

[BusaWhipped]

If you are putting money aside like you say you are, wait until you can pay cash for it. In the long run you will be so much further ahead if you stop thinking about whether you can make the payments and look at whether or not you can buy things outright.

I don't spend anything without clearing it with mrsBW.

 

[OldMan]

I'm married for ten years and I dont think I would have lasted if I couldn't buy what I felt WE could afford. My wife does try to persuade me not to spend but somehow I just get my way. A guy has to have his toys, and a women should know what makes him happy, as loNg as it doesn't put the family in jeopardy. Now in addition I have to be extra nice for a while and she eventually gets over it.

 

[MLSDUKE1]

If you are putting money aside like you say you are, wait until you can pay cash for it. In the long run you will be so much further ahead if you stop thinking about whether you can make the payments and look at whether or not you can buy things outright.

I don't spend anything without clearing it with mrsBW.

THAT answer I like. I'm not gonna touch our savings but I could save up for a while. I don't NEED the quad right now, I've already got my street burner, but it would be nice to go out and play with the fella's I work with whom all have quads.

 

[busa186]

You got to have goals, you, her, family.

we have OUR money, and we set goals and try to support each others needs and wants. She understands what I need/want and she tries to make that happen and I do the same.

Sometimes I do buy her something and wait a couple months and then I "remind" her about it..

speaking of... I need new levers..
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[MLSDUKE1]

LOL busa186, good luck on those new levers!

 

[Busa1166]

So many unknown variables in that question I won't touch it with a 10 foot pole....

Wait till you get home and discuss it

 

[Djxtrodinaire]

I just dont tell her nuffin!

 

[VIPER]

my advice would be simple.....take this from a once divorced man now remarried...learning as i go fellow.....you guys are a team...you need to be face to face and make the choices together! not 4000 miles apart texting emailing etc. It is very important to agree on things or at least agree to disagree.

 

[zukracer]

My wife is pretty much as low maintenance as you can get when it comes to cash flow and the family funds. As long as all the bills are paid, savings are going as they should, etc she really doesnt say squat if I come home with 100 or 200 worth of crap from Target, Best Buy, etc. That being said, we have an agreed upon $350 price point that if either of us wants to buy something around that amount or higher, we consult each other first. The only exception to this for us is if it is a dire need (ie medical, broke down,etc) and the other person cannot be contacted.

As others have mentioned its a shared thing for you now. One of the questions I dont see asked or answered above is does she work? If she does does her money hit the joint account as well? Does she discuss what she wants to buy/do with you?

Building wealth while you are young(er) is WAYYYY easier than doing it when you get a little older... even harder when you are over 45-50. Save what you can now, yes a new toy would be fun but as BW suggested save the cash and then spend the money. Its a LOT harder to chunk down 10k from your savings account unless you *really* want the toy

Think of it this way. Your new quad is 8k? Thats 8 months of your overage beyond the 1k savings. In those 8 months, you would actually have 16k saved. Thats 10% on a $160k house. Not sure about credit rating or house value where you are going but you can assume you will need at least 10% down to buy a house these days....20% is better. Just offering some "been there done that" perspective for ya

 

[MLSDUKE1]

Yes, she works for the city doing bills for people and whatnot. Right now we have somewhere around 18K but we have an understanding not to touch that until we are both willing too and like I said, a roof over our head is better than money in the bank. We have a $100 limit on things we buy and we both tell eachother when we buy something or if we are planning too. I dunno, I want this quad but I'm not gonna sacrifice my marriage for it. We want a house, on the beach, with great insurance (cause Ivan likes to come through ever so often). I just think the extra money I make here would be a perk for being over here.