I Thought I was happy

[jessup]

You are definitly not a puss! We have all been through this (not that this in anyway lessens your pain). The right woman will come along you just have to give it time. The one thing I will say is that you should try to make yourself happy independently of a girlfriend... When I dated I dated purely for fun and the pleasure of meeting new people some were crazy some were fun and some were just horny. The one thing that I have noticed is that the harder you look for something the harder it is to find. Don't go crazy looking for that one person to complete your life... You will find them just by being yourself, meeting new people and going out and having fun!
Having read a lot of your posts... I think you have your head on straight and have an excellent sense of humor. Chalk this up as a learning experience and go out and have fun when you think you are in the right frame of mind.

 

[VaBusa]

I'm just sorry Ben...you're a great guy, and someone deserving of you will come along one day. I know that doesn't help you now; just don't beat yourself up...

Keep yourself busy with friends and just try to have some fun.

If I could, I'd give you a hug...head on down my way...I've got one for you!

 

[Kento-Moto]

Well said Ron. +1

 

[HT_USMC]

Sorry to hear about the whole thing and the timing of it all.

Nothing wrong with being her friend until she's ready for you again, either. If she just needs some time/space and you feel like she's a great catch, that is. Take her out to dinner (dutch if need be to keep the space) and be that friend. It'll keep things from being so abrupt for you, give you another shot possibly, and if it works out in the future - you'll have already shown her how you feel.

If she's saying that because the interest is gone... move on bro. Get a wingman and hit the local hot spots. You're bound to end up in the mating dance all over again.

 

[dudewizr]

First off.

Every girl / woman I have been with has ripped my heart out of my chest, shredded it into little pieces and stuffed the broken pieces back into my chest.

Unfortunately this has made me the person I am today. someone who can love.. but I have finally got to the point where I can walk away from anyone at anytime..

yes.. you do eventually get so hardened where things just don't matter as much.

The thing that really sucks is you will be fine.. who your girlfriend really screwed is the next girl that tries to get close to you. because each time it will make it just a little harder for someone to get close to you.

I have often told God.. ok God.. I am ready.. done here on earth. Ready to go when you are.. but I am still here for some reason.

As far as God doing something to you..

Go read the book of JOB in the bible. Everything happens for a reason.. and I don’t believe in most cases God does anything to us… I think in some cases he ALLOWS forces to screw with us.. but in the end.. I think due to the fact that we have free will. Most of the time what happens. Just happens. No one is doing anything to us.. it is just life..

Whenever you open yourself up to love you open yourself up to getting hurt..

Guys do it to girls.. girls do it to guys.. pretty screwed up system..

Anyway.. hate to say this.. but you are 21.. I am 43.. get used to the pain train because it is a-comin..

Oh. I will give you one bit of advice I have learned..

One of your problems might have been you changed.

She was attracted to you for some reason.. then you go and change on her? She was probably attracted to the bad boy in you.. then you clean your act up thinking it is going to make her happy and make you happy and guess what? Mr. Bad boy is now mr. Nice guy.. NOT the person she was attracted to.

Don’t ever change yourself for no one.. except yourself..

For one if you change yourself for someone else.. the first time they piss you off you will revert back to your old habits to get back at them.. and for two.. you are going to be who you are going to be. You can TRY to act like someone else.. but eventually.. when you are relaxed.. you will be you…

So just be yourself.. and enjoy the dance… I am sure you had good times with her.. just remember the good times. Except it for what it was.. a nice diversion on your journey and move on to someone else…

Enjoy life.. don’t get so worked up over one person.. especially not over a relationship or a woman.. they are all over the place…

And when someone has a solid relationship with God.. when they go through tough times.. and when they are in the middle of being hammered and crushed by life. They learn to lean on God.. not blame him..  That is what God is there for.. not to be blamed.. but to give a strength to get through the tough times..

and sorry to hear abouth your step dad / pastor cheating.. a good example of why people need to follow God and not man.

men and women will fall and will fail and will always let us down.. if someone places their faith and trust in a human.. they will be let down.. and if you base your entire life on a religion and your religion is based on a human being.. when that human falls. Your entire world will crumble.

Never place your life.. your destiny.. Your future in another humans hands.. trust God first.. yourself second.. and no one else after that

Very well put. The only thing I will add, since I just finished about a 5 week study of Job. **NOTE TO SELF** If ever depressed, don't read Job! man the trials and tribulations he went through made me want to shoot myself. Job should start with *Warning* not for the mentally unstable!

But we know how it worked out in the end. You know Job would make for a great movie.

Keep your head up and remember.
Romans 8:28-31

28And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

 

[EastCoast]

First off.

Every girl / woman I have been with has ripped my heart out of my chest, shredded it into little pieces and stuffed the broken pieces back into my chest.

Unfortunately this has made me the person I am today. someone who can love.. but I have finally got to the point where I can walk away from anyone at anytime..

yes.. you do eventually get so hardened where things just don't matter as much.

The thing that really sucks is you will be fine.. who your girlfriend really screwed is the next girl that tries to get close to you. because each time it will make it just a little harder for someone to get close to you.

I have often told God.. ok God.. I am ready.. done here on earth. Ready to go when you are.. but I am still here for some reason.

As far as God doing something to you..

Go read the book of JOB in the bible. Everything happens for a reason.. and I don’t believe in most cases God does anything to us… I think in some cases he ALLOWS forces to screw with us.. but in the end.. I think due to the fact that we have free will. Most of the time what happens. Just happens. No one is doing anything to us.. it is just life..

Whenever you open yourself up to love you open yourself up to getting hurt..

Guys do it to girls.. girls do it to guys.. pretty screwed up system..

Anyway.. hate to say this.. but you are 21.. I am 43.. get used to the pain train because it is a-comin..

Oh. I will give you one bit of advice I have learned..

One of your problems might have been you changed.

She was attracted to you for some reason.. then you go and change on her? She was probably attracted to the bad boy in you.. then you clean your act up thinking it is going to make her happy and make you happy and guess what? Mr. Bad boy is now mr. Nice guy.. NOT the person she was attracted to.

Don’t ever change yourself for no one.. except yourself..

For one if you change yourself for someone else.. the first time they piss you off you will revert back to your old habits to get back at them.. and for two.. you are going to be who you are going to be. You can TRY to act like someone else.. but eventually.. when you are relaxed.. you will be you…

So just be yourself.. and enjoy the dance… I am sure you had good times with her.. just remember the good times. Except it for what it was.. a nice diversion on your journey and move on to someone else…

Enjoy life.. don’t get so worked up over one person.. especially not over a relationship or a woman.. they are all over the place…

And when someone has a solid relationship with God.. when they go through tough times.. and when they are in the middle of being hammered and crushed by life. They learn to lean on God.. not blame him..  That is what God is there for.. not to be blamed.. but to give a strength to get through the tough times..

and sorry to hear abouth your step dad / pastor cheating.. a good example of why people need to follow God and not man.

men and women will fall and will fail and will always let us down.. if someone places their faith and trust in a human.. they will be let down.. and if you base your entire life on a religion and your religion is based on a human being.. when that human falls. Your entire world will crumble.

Never place your life.. your destiny.. Your future in another humans hands.. trust God first.. yourself second.. and no one else after that

Well said!

And never forget to trust God!

 

[skurvey~]

the SAME THING happened to me.. TWICE.

it takes time but you will get over it, and you'll look back and laugh, i did.. lol.

 

[DAB]

+1 on the Thrashefox analysis.

Be true to yourself, and remember you're not alone, plenty of us have been through the same experiences.

 

[craigntx]

you got a bike- you can pick up new chicks
and thats half the fun

 

[Postal]

Bro, here is your free therapy session:
You are only 21, don't push for serious relationships, let them happen naturally. You need to date a lot more to find the right one. If girls are shying away from you with the "let's just be friends" routine, then you are doing something to push them away. Maybe you are trying to get serious too quickly? I have been married happily for 18 years now. Met my wife when I was 26, she was 20. We married a year later in 1987. neither her nor I were looking for anything serious, and that was part of the attraction. It was really love at first site, but it had to grow. Play it loose, play hard to get sometimes, don't push the relationship, let it happen with the right girl. it will! There are four women in this country to every man, your odds are good bro! Hang in there.

Dr. Postal.

 

[VaBusa]

Bro, here is your free therapy session:
You are only 21, don't push for serious relationships, let them happen naturally. You need to date a lot more to find the right one. If girls are shying away from you with the "let's just be friends" routine, then you are doing something to push them away. Maybe you are trying to get serious too quickly? I have been married happily for 18 years now. Met my wife when I was 26, she was 20. We married a year later in 1987. neither her nor I were looking for anything serious, and that was part of the attraction. It was really love at first site, but it had to grow. Play it loose, play hard to get sometimes, don't push the relationship, let it happen with the right girl. it will! There are four women in this country to every man, your odds are good bro! Hang in there.

Dr. Postal.

Very good advice Tom...I mean, Dr. Postal...

Now, about this "four women to every man" part?! I knew Mike had girlfriends...

 

[FastKitteN]

even after all this tonight...... this made me laugh, thanks sledheadand I thought I wouldn't laugh tonight

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!! Tryin to be quiet at work here.. So sexy.. haha.. Thanks for the laugh also I needed it.. Shake it baby.. hehe

 

[drumminman]

Sorry for your pain.

I've been around the block a few times and the best advice I can give is what one of the other folks said: Be happy with yourself and get out there and meet other women. Don't focus too much on finding Ms. Right, and then you'll probably meet her.

Seems like lots of folks, myself included, have spent too much time looking for the person that will make them happy. But no one person can "make" another happy. You have to be happy apart from the relationship and then you can be happy within it.

It took me three marriages, and lots of other serious relationships, but I've finally found my Ms. Right. The ending of the first two was the most painful. And then I started to really think about what I needed and wanted in a relationship.

All of this is a voyage of discovery. Be patient and enjoy the trip and remember it's the journey, not the destination, that's important.

And no, you're not a puss. Don't be too hard on yourself, but try and learn from your experience.

Hope this helps

Happy Holidays!

 

[busavas]

Hey... be greatful that you weren't married and had children with her. Life goes on, you WILL eventually meet someone who is right for you.

 

[Postal]

Bro, here is your free therapy session:
You are only 21, don't push for serious relationships, let them happen naturally. You need to date a lot more to find the right one. If girls are shying away from you with the "let's just be friends" routine, then you are doing something to push them away. Maybe you are trying to get serious too quickly? I have been married happily for 18 years now. Met my wife when I was 26, she was 20. We married a year later in 1987. neither her nor I were looking for anything serious, and that was part of the attraction. It was really love at first site, but it had to grow. Play it loose, play hard to get sometimes, don't push the relationship, let it happen with the right girl. it will! There are four women in this country to every man, your odds are good bro! Hang in there.

Dr. Postal.

Very good advice Tom...I mean, Dr. Postal...

Now, about this "four women to every man" part?!  I knew Mike had girlfriends...

Yeah, just based on the numbers, he has three.

But look at all of us here at h.org, you have 25 bo's or more.

 

[jessup]

my grandfather used to have a needle in the haystack theory which I think applies to finding the right woman.


Grandpa (irish brogue) When trying to find the needle in the haystack DON"T you go looking for it... Just have fun playing in the stack and that little bastid will end up poking you right in the arse.

Look forward to the new girl and learn from the old one.

 

[FastKitteN]

Agrees with a lot of you.. You could of ended up like me.. House, car, child together.. Trying to make it all work when really there's nothing there. Only lies, and cheating, and abuse.. You are young.. Enjoy life some. Don't jump into anything too seriously. Again thats what I did. I wasn't even 21 when I got married.. I found out not too long after I turned 21 that I was pregnant. Not saying go party and sleep around.. But still don't rush looking for Ms. Perfect.. I hear a lot of times they will come to you when the time is right and you will know.

 

[SAMBUSA]

Get revenge and post some pics.

On a serious note, at 21 you should be out partying it up with multiple chics. One day you are gonna wish you had. I don't regret being married w/ kids but being single would make owning a bike so much more fun.

 

[greeneinc]

BusaHaya is right to the point.

 

[yamahor]

Thanks guys, I wasn't expecting this much support.