RSD and Revlis teach how to barbecue


Protector of Freedom
Donating Member
REV Okay, good day, I'm Revlis, this is my sidekick RSD.   You can call him Smurf. And you can call me Kato.
RSD How's it goin', eh?  
REV Just fine RSD.  So today the topic is barbecues.
RSD Yeah, even though it's cold and there's still snow on the ground, we're gonna show that you can still cook outdoors. So here's our barbecue, eh!
REV Well, actually it's our neighbour's barbecue.
RSD Take off!
REV Oh, right. We borrowed it from our neighbour.
RSD Uh, yeah. So this is a propane barbecue.
RSD So that means it burns propane to create heat to cook the food. Propane is a gas, but it's not the only fuel you can use.
REV Yeah, most people have charcoal barbecues. Like our neighbour used to before we used it and...
RSD Shh!!! He didn't know that was us!
REV Oh yeah! Uh, some guys...
RSD Who weren't us!
REV Some guys who weren't us stole his barbecue and dumped it in the ditch.
RSD Yeah, what a bunch of hosers they were.
REV Yeah.
RSD So anyway, there's not just propane and charcoal, there's also barbecues that can burn wood and ones that'll burn natural gas.  
REV And don't forget gas gas.
RSD Gas gas? Oh, you mean gasoline.
REV Yeah.
RSD Beauty. Those are the fastest to get started.  We should try Nitro sometime?
REV No kidding. So I guess I'm doing the cooking.
RSD Wha? Why?!?
REV Cause you always burn the steaks!
RSD Shows how much you know about cooking! See, I'm a chef, and cause I'm a chef I know all sorts of special techniques that would take you years to master even if you had the ability to master them!
REV Oh yeah? "Techniques" like what?
RSD Well, making cajun steaks! That's why they were burnt on the outside.
REV They were burnt on the inside too, and besides, cajun means you put lots of pepper on it, not that you burn it, you nobk!
RSD Oh yeah, well you're a big idiot.
REV You're a bigger idiot! Gimme those! (grabs the tongs from Revlis)
RSD Geez!
REV So here's how you really cook steaks.
RSD (sarcastically) Here's how you really cook steaks!
REV Where are the steaks?
RSD I've got them in a special marinade. (removes them from below the table)
REV Wha? What is that?
RSD Beer.
REV Beer on the steaks? I can't believe you'd waste beer like that!
RSD No, see I'm a chef, and I know how to make beer-based sauces and stuff!
REV Well if you're a chef then I'm the prime minister!
RSD Okay, Mr. Right Honourable Member for the Riding of Stupidity!
REV Geez. Okay, here's the steaks, and we're gonna put them on the grill without poking holes in them, unlike what some people do. (he puts the steaks on the grill using the tongs)
RSD Who me?
REV Now, we're gonna leave these for two minutes a side, since that barbecue is really hot.
RSD Okay.
SFX Silence.  (RSD thinks about a new Bon Jovi tattoo he might get)
REV Whew!
RSD Yeah.
SFX more silence
RSD You know on those cooking shows, they usually have like a commercial break or cut the scene or something when they're waiting for the food to cook.
REV Yeah, or they have some food already done that they can show in case the oven explodes or something.
RSD We shoulda thought of that earlier.
REV Too late now.
SFX even more silence
REV Has it been two minutes yet?
RSD Uh, was I supposed to check the clock?
REV Okay, well it seems like it's been two minutes. Let's flip these over.
RSD Beauty.
REV So once again, you don't want to break the surface of the meat so don't use a fork or anything.
RSD Leave one of those out, so we have something to show instead of waiting another two minutes.
REV Huh? Oh, okay. (sets one steak aside) It's a little rare.
RSD Yeah, I think I hear it mooing! SNORK!
REV Heh. Put a band-aid on it, and send it back to the field!
RSD Nice.
REV So now we gotta wait another minute or two. Count this time.
RSD Okay. One. Two. Three.
REV Not out loud!
RSD Oh, now I lost count.
REV You were at three.
RSD Okay. (keeps counting to himself)
SFX more silence
REV I don't think we have time to finish these.
RSD Why? Are we out of room?
REV No, but it's getting close.
RSD Okay, well I guess we'll show that one we took off earlier.
REV Good idea. Um. Okay, here's our steak! Look how juicy it is!
RSD Uh, yeah. You take a bite.
REV No, you.
RSD You cooked it.
REV Um. We're gonna put these on for a bit longer. Good day, eh!
RSD See? If I had done the steaks they'd be done by now.
REV They'd be well done by now, Mr. Cajun Chef!
RSD Geez. Take off!

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Can they please get together and re-enact this?! OMG, I'd pay money to see it...

Lazer, you're just amusing as hell lately...
Take off to the great white north, take off - it's a beauty way to go....
Abso-frickin'-lutely hilarious!

Way to go, Lazerbrains! er, Lazerblade!

Like, great writing eh!!
Remember us.

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He's on something... That hoser... Last time I checked... HE was on Sledhead's MOM!!!!