Okay..lets hear from the anti-depressant folks...please?..

[JINKSTER]

Even if it's in PM form with a bump to this thread..and here's the deal..

As i get cleaner and clearer minded through my still near daily visits to the rooms of a 12 step program?...my spirit aint doing so hot...so much so that my sponser and grandsponsor had a chat with me a few weeks back indicating that it might be a good idea if i go get screened for depression..and i was like..wait a minute here..i thought you guys were supposed to be helping me kick drugs not get new scripts..then expressed my distain for such folley even claiming my hatred for those who advertise on TV as making a living off the misery of others by selling them temporary fixes for ailments there should be a spiritual cure for..and that's when my sponsor confided in me that he's on (2) anti-depressants and that it's a not a spiritual thing i can fix with sheer willpower but a biochemical thing that cant be fixed with study and willpower..to wit?..a lack of serratonin?

and it's had me thinking..cause quite frankly?..depression has been kicking my azz for years..it was especially bad through these past holidays..my life force was completely tapped...didnt wanna do shid and didnt have the energy to do the things i actually wanted to..sux...bad..i just isolate and think bad shid having a pity party in my head thinking about how fudged up my life has been and is..terrible..and i hate even admitting or confessing this shid but i'm really struggling with the possibility that my sponsor/grandsponser might be right..that i should go get screened..and take my medicine like a man so to speak..but that huge pride and ego i got going on over my 52 years is telling me..nah Bill..you're okay..you dont need no stinking screenings or meds..so..whadaya all think?..are folks you know on antidepressants screwed up?..did it help them?...hurt them?...make'em worse or better to be around?..good tghing?..bad thing?...whazzup?

TIA & L8R, Bill.

 

[ditchdr]

Hey Bill, seems like you have had a rough go of it here lately. Do not be scared, ashamed, or let your pride get in the way of you living a good life. Many, I mean MANY folks take SSRI's (antidepressant meds). And they are doing great. Some it dont work for, but IMOP they ones it dont work for are the ones who use it as a way to get attention.

If you need the meds get them, but make sure your dr knows this is not a long term thing. You only want to be on them long enough to get things sorted out, then come back off them. What ever you do, dont just stop them cold turkey. Or we will be reading about you in the paper as the crazy guy on his roof with a sniper rifle hunting mailmen.

 

[newman]

The way I to look at anti-depressants is if you had a bad heart you would take medication for it, if you are ill you would take medication for it, so if you have a chemical imbalance of the brain take medication for it so you will feel better. Anti-depressants don't have to be long term, but if you have to take them for life so be it, as long as you feel good in yourself. Ignore the scare storys about feeling dopey all the time, I take them and feel fine. You might have to try different types to find out the right ones for you like I did. If it improves the quality of your life go for it. Good luck hope this helps. Dave and Lynne.

 

[S4L]

Give 'em a try,

A couple notes:

They are not a miracle drug - it takes time for them to work and sometimes the effect is subtle.

Like newman stated, sometimes people do better with different SSRI's. Cymbalta is a fairly new SSRI that also effects norepinephrine in the brain, not just serotonin. This is something to keep in mind also with insurance, older SSRI's can be had in generic form and are cheaper. Make sure you have decent insurance if your doc tries to put you on Cymbalta - it is a name brand drug and can cost $$$ if your insurance doesn't cover 'em.

The reason I stated that was because a lot of pcp's will use newer drugs, not necessarily due to efficacy either... If they give you a sample, that means they were treated to a nice lunch from a drug rep. hint hint...

Coming off of an SSRI will not make you pyschotic, but an abrupt withdrawal will make you feel pretty... interesting and can increase your chance of seizures.

Good Luck.

 

[kromdom]

AMEN to points already raised above. No harm in trying: sit down with a therapist who can assess if you're a candidate for meds or not. Best of luck.

 

[GSXRFANN]

Jinkster, I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and I have severe anxiety attacks along with depression. I have been on anti depression medicine for several years now. I can't say that the meds are a cure, but they have helped me. If I gave you a list of my meds, you would really freak out!! But, I have tried coming off of them myself and let me tell you...it doesn't work!! If you want to come off of them (if your condition allows), then let your doctor help you!!
My condition has something to do with a chemical imbalance in my brain, so I will never get off of ALL of them. Over the years I have been able to decrease the doseage and even drop a couple. But, I am working towards getting off of a couple more.
Don't let everyone else dictate your life by making you think that you are crazy or weak! They are not the ones having to live YOUR life on a daily basis!! TRUST me, the ability to function is way better than the way you are feeling now!! I am by NO means an expert, but if you need to talk to someone, I am here!!
Take care and good luck!!

 

[Spkrdctr]

I take Cymbalta daily. have for about 4 years. Probably will my entire life. It really does help. It didn't fix me 100%, but it did get me 75%. I would not hesitate to take them. They are NON-ADDICTIVE, and is like taking a blood pressure pill. If you need it, you need it. Just don't try doubling up on the medicine as it doesn't work that way. All you will do is waste money and blow out your liver. It will help you some, and that's better than none!

 

[ktw88q]

I envy your courage Bill!!! I am still in the boat you were a year ago!! I have come a long way and let go of alot but not there yet....

 

[SkootRRgirl]

Even if it's in PM form with a bump to this thread..and here's the deal..

As i get cleaner and clearer minded through my still near daily visits to the rooms of a 12 step program?...my spirit aint doing so hot...so much so that my sponser and grandsponsor had a chat with me a few weeks back indicating that it might be a good idea if i go get screened for depression..and i was like..wait a minute here..i thought you guys were supposed to be helping me kick drugs not get new scripts..then expressed my distain for such folley even claiming my hatred for those who advertise on TV as making a living off the misery of others by selling them temporary fixes for ailments there should be a spiritual cure for..and that's when my sponsor confided in me that he's on (2) anti-depressants and that it's a not a spiritual thing i can fix with sheer willpower but a biochemical thing that cant be fixed with study and willpower..to wit?..a lack of serratonin?

and it's had me thinking..cause quite frankly?..depression has been kicking my azz for years..it was especially bad through these past holidays..my life force was completely tapped...didnt wanna do shid and didnt have the energy to do the things i actually wanted to..sux...bad..i just isolate and think bad shid having a pity party in my head thinking about how fudged up my life has been and is..terrible..and i hate even admitting or confessing this shid but i'm really struggling with the possibility that my sponsor/grandsponser might be right..that i should go get screened..and take my medicine like a man so to speak..but that huge pride and ego i got going on over my 52 years is telling me..nah Bill..you're okay..you dont need no stinking screenings or meds..so..whadaya all think?..are folks you know on antidepressants screwed up?..did it help them?...hurt them?...make'em worse or better to be around?..good tghing?..bad thing?...whazzup?

TIA & L8R, Bill.

Bill first let me point out that we in any 12 step program do not have medical degrees or are not doctors, well maybe not most of us. I have been doing the deal for 7 years now and I know that I am definitely no doctor so who am I to tell you to go get on meds, but I can relate to the depression issue. I fight it probably as much as you do if not worse. I am not ashamed to admit I have my problems whether it be depression or addiction for with my experience I am better able to help others so with that said I will continue. I have a really good friend in the program who is so anti-drug whether it be meds for issues such as ours or the common cold or flu that she wont take anything. That mixed with a Master's in Social Work she has often told me that it takes at least 2 years for your dopamine levels to return to normal after you quit using.I guess because I was afraid of what she might think of me I abstained from taking anything for my condition for the first 4 years of my recovery due to the fact that I did not want her to think less of me but not only that I kept thinking to myself "what if she was right". So I waited. When the 4 years was up I had went to the doctors for something else I was trying to take care of and the doctor put me on medication for that issue but had also told me that some of the side affects were suicidal tendencies and that he thought it best I go visit a psychiatrist to get evaluated before taking it to make sure it would not affect me in that manner, so I did. I shared my story with that doctor and he felt it best I be put on Lexapro, of course I didnt want to admit I was less of a person because I had depression problems, I guess my ego and pride prevented me from dealing with it before. Anyways that doctor told me if he puts me on Lexapro that I needed to have regular visits with a psychologist, you know the doctor that sits and just listens to all your shid without saying much, well I did that a few times and he eventually told me that all the years I was using I was self medicating because of my depression. It kind of made sense because I am a pretty normal person otherwise. Eventually I stopped going to see that doctor as well as take the meds because of finances, that shid gets expensive. So since then I have found solace in riding, and it has helped tremendously, yes the depression still does interfer somewhat in my life only if I allow it. Sometimes I have to force myself to get outside and start the bike, and then sometimes it takes some prodding by my friends and support group to get me moving. But overall if I feel like crap then I know I need to get out. I am the type that sleeps when depressed and there are days I just don't want to get out of bed, but like any drug if I take one nap, the saying "one is too many, and a thousand is never enough" starts to apply especially with that so I need to keep aware of this and do my best to practice the program and not allow myself to fall into the sleep trap. I cannot tell you what you should do, everyone is different, only a trusted doctor can help you with that decision, but I do know one thing if my sponsor told me that maybe I should be on meds I'd look at her like she was nuts herself. If you have only a short time in doing the deal with recovery I would suggest you really pray about it, talk it over with your trusted doctor and take it from there. Whatever you do don't isolate and be up in your head, its a bad neighborhood. Never go there alone! If I can get through the mess in my head I know anyone can. And don't be ashamed of your issues, everyone has issues, we'd hardly be human if we didn't. Stay in the book, go to meetings, Pray Pray Pray and continue working the steps with your sponsor, it does get better, this I know!

 

[Fastfrog007]

LOng story short, they do work. As Newman said, something isnt workin right, these meds help that. the BEST thing you can do is go see a a specialist and see what they say about it. Some work better than others for certain people. It can be a pain to sort it out, but it will payoff in the end

 

[JINKSTER]

I wanna thank you ALL for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences here..extremely caring and couragouse of you all..that said?..

I been in a real bad funk all through the holidays..and it didnt help that a week or two BEFORE christmas i asked the wife if "WE" were going to take the girls anywheres for christmas vacation..her response was.."No..I hadnt planned on it"..then?..the weekend prior to christmas I discover from my daughters that..behind my back..the wife plotted and planned to take my last two daughters living with us on a christmas vacation..as my daughters confided in me while mom wasnt present that she had already made reservations for 1 night in saint augustine and 4 nights in savanah..and dear old dad here wasnt informed..invited...or?..welcome.

and that stung..bad...and i was real depressed while they were gone..called my sponsor..everyone in my support group..went to every meeting i could and did my best to stay out of my head..then?..blow 2..she promised they'd be home for new years eve..and they got here..about 1:45am..3 hours after i gave up hope and went to bed..so here they were..and now that they were home?..i felt even worse...so?..

I called a bud of mine from the local chapter of the ALTERNATIVE MC and low and behold?..they had a major ride leaving for Okeechobee in a 1/2 hour..i met them at the club house in 20 minutes..spent the entire ride/day/business meeting with them and then went to dinner with like 10 of them after thyey questioned my intent asking if i was interested in becoming a Probate for/in the club..and i'm seriousely considering it as they are rapidly becoming my new adopted family..they care...they call...they ride..they stay clean & sober..and i'm on the verge of telling wifey it freaking OVER!..i've had enough pain..yet she seems to insist on doling out as much as possible with no end in sight.

When i found out that she plotted and planned to take my daughters away from me for the holidays?..i cornered her in the hallway and told her...ya know..i've been C&S for over 5 months now..she said..yeah..so what?..and i asked her..when are you going to stop hurting me and using my own children to do so?..her eyes welled up and she had no answer...she turned and walked away..so?..i aint real sure if my depression is from internal or external sources...guess i better go see a pro..Thanks again all and?..

L8R, Bill.

PS: anyone wanna trade an M109 for a nice Silver '03 Busa w/ 22K miles that rides and runs great?..i think my future needs a cruiser.

 

[GSXRFANN]

Keep your bike man. That is one thing about depression, it will make you wanna do stupid things like buy something, or spend money just to make you feel good. Try not to do anything drastic. It wont do anything but give you a short term "feel good".

 

[bigworm]

you know i was gonna stay out of this, but, i was diagnosed with PTSD recently due to the crash in april that left me permanently disabled. i refused meds at the moment because after a lengthy conversation with my doc i feel i can overcome this. i know a lot of people don't have the will power i have and i've overcome all my addictions except for alcohol, but i have and can control it. like some people eat when their "bored" i drink beer.
if i don't have any alcohol, i don't crave it or do i need it or think about it when i wake up in the mornings.i asked the orthopedic surgeon that put me back together to take me of the Oxycontin and Percocets before they were going to, because i didn't want to take the chance of getting hooked on pills again.i do realize and have accepted, i'll have to take some type of pain medication for the rest of my life. i've found that talking to someone and not writing but typing what i'm feeling makes me feel better. i have a friend in Connecticut that suffers from depression and we send each other emails. it makes me feel better and he says it makes him feel better also. i've more than once stared at a bottle of pain pills more than once, knowing, if i eat them all, i won't wake up and knowing my past addictions, it could be ruled an accidental overdose.
i drag race and have pretty much since the early 80's. one of my goals was to win a championship and i fulfilled that in 2009 my first/rookie year on a motorcycle. if i'm not physically able to ride/race again i'll focus on helping someone else do it. i'll also try and get my stepdaughter on a bike and racing. so if you have a hobby MAKE yourself get up and do it. find someone to talk to, send me an email if you like walker39681@bellsouth.net. i have found it easier to talk to a stranger than someone i know sometimes. i've sat around alone and talked to my dogs before.it helps to hear yourself say what your feeling. i have faith in you, so have faith in yourself.

saying all this has made me feel better until next time.matter a fact i've teared up twice, went to the bathroom and dried my eyes so my wife don't worry about it and its took me over an hour to type this.

 

[red1100cc]

im glad you got out and went for a ride i met some of the Alternative MC at the NCOM convention Orlando last May. nice group of folks! sounds like they might be just what you need. a bunch of bros that are not out to get you hammered, and will get you out to ride. keep the Busa, its nice to be the fastest in a pack of cruzers.
it sounds like you have good reason to be bummed. family troubles hurt the soul.
just do what you think is best.
have you ever tried st johns wort? when i get a little bummed or testy i take a few for 2-3 days. seems to help me w/o the side effects.

 

[Bosshound]

Keep your bike man. That is one thing about depression, it will make you wanna do stupid things like buy something, or spend money just to make you feel good. Try not to do anything drastic. It wont do anything but give you a short term "feel good".

Very True !!

PM me if you want to talk

 

[Snakers]

Bill,

Im a younger guy, but i have been struggling with depression all my life. In my late teens, I decided to see someone about the feelings I was having. They prescribed me with meds. I could feel them working, but one day something clicked in me and I decided I was allowing myself to feel that way, booted the meds, and was good for a while.

Recent events in my life have reproduced similar, but more extreme feelings. In addition to depression, I now get to struggle with anxiety as well. Unlike depression, the anxiety sneaks up on me without warning and the effects are so severe, that sometimes it is nearly impossible to function. The worst part is things are still getting better, but the anxiety still remains.

All in all, there is no wrong answer to your treatment of your feelings. I live my life day to day, and some are just harder than others, for no reason. When it comes down to it, its all about doing what ever you can to make it through the day. The mind is an extremely complex organ, and very strong. Sometimes its too strong for our own good, and we have to use meds to break down the barriers and take control back. Its not uncommon, its not wrong.

Best of luck in the future. Either way, just keep remembering that life is about being happy, but nothing ever makes that easy, so find it any way you can, whether it be through a serious of thought conditioning steps, or for stronger minds, meds. The only goal in life is to be happy, screw everything else.

 

[PocketRocket]

I dont mean to sound ?? off the wall or disagree with anything being said But -question for you ( everyone )... Would / or has anyone studied Dianetics? I do believe that it could help..( IMO) I am studying Dianetics, Chi, Silva, Quantum physics etc etc . I dont believe it would hurt .. Just a thought.. Cheers

 

[skydivr]

Will provide you a short-term solution if you are medically imbalanced; but will only give you a better perspective and ability to deal with other problems that you admittedly have that cannot be solved by medication. It is unfortunate, but that crap your wife played on you is unacceptable. If she won't go to counseling (after all, you ARE TRYING to get better) to improve your marriage (can't she see she's pushing you BACK into that hole you've been in?) then the ugly truth of it is that she's gotta go too, and while it's gonna hurt sounds like it's another step in your recovery. That was underhanded and low-down and you shouldn't have to accept that from a spouse.

 

[JINKSTER]

Will provide you a short-term solution if you are medically imbalanced; but will only give you a better perspective and ability to deal with other problems that you admittedly have that cannot be solved by medication. It is unfortunate, but that crap your wife played on you is unacceptable. If she won't go to counseling (after all, you ARE TRYING to get better) to improve your marriage (can't she see she's pushing you BACK into that hole you've been in?) then the ugly truth of it is that she's gotta go too, and while it's gonna hurt sounds like it's another step in your recovery. That was underhanded and low-down and you shouldn't have to accept that from a spouse.

Thanks skydivr..i was pretty much a combo of hurt like he11 and so enraged that i even entertained thoughts of threatening wifey that..

"If you take my daughters out of state through the holidays just to hurt me like this?..without my parentel consent?..i'll call in an amber alert have your cold hearted azz arrested for abduction!"

the thought did cross my mind...but then i thought?..he11...that would just screw up my daughters christmas vacation..and i aint gonna be like my wife an use them as pawns in an "US" issue..so?..i did nothing...ate it...smiled and waived goodbye...stayed home and hurt..for the holidays..and fudge that shid man!...last time..and i'm gonna make d@mn sure of that..i mean..i know i might've earned myself some pain via years of active addiction but the shid she's pulling is like cruel and unusual and definantly...inhumane..i mean..i wouldnt do that level shid to someone even if i did hate'im..got my limits..and fudg'in with someone wife, tools, job, lunchbox and definantly their kids?...off limits...over the top...off the chain...BS!..ya just dont do it...and evidently?...my wife has no limits...oand now that i'm C&S?...sometimes i wonder iof she even owns a soul!

anyways...thanks for the confirmation man..and it's sick that i aint going to go through this without pain but..like they say in the rooms?..ya gotta go through it if ya wanna get too it!..and this is really something that should've been handled many years ago..hindsights 20/20.

Thanks again and L8R, Bill.

 

[skydivr]

Bill...word of advice. Don't ever make references to 'entertaining thoughts' as everything you say can and WILL be used against you. And if you don't want her or her attorney to read this, then you need to NOT PUBLICLY POST IT.

Your relationship with your wife may be unrepairable, but those with your daughters do not have to be. You MUST, no matter how mad it makes you, take the HIGH ROAD...your daughters will eventually grow old enough to recognize what you've done. All you can do is Love them no matter where the relationship with your spouse goes.

Eventually, you are gonna have to face this 'demon' also. You and your wife need counseling; you need to continue your improvement in leading by example, and if she won't/can't find a way to work thru this WITH you instead of AGAINST you, then you'll also have to deal with that. A GOOD marriage counselor (and not all of them are good) can help you both thru this. Another (last alternative) piece of advice: He/She who files for divorce FIRST has the tactical and strategic advantage..

None of this fixes itself, until YOU fix YOURSELF. Continue on this path, eventually the SUN WILL RISE.