tears in my eyes... i have to vent

[chrisjp]

i know i know...teenage years....all you can do is love them....i just returned from south carolina without my daughter for her custody normal summer visit. this makes christmas she would not come..and now summer... i over the past year have had 10 min at christmas with her and about 7 hrs over past 2 days. her mother is SPINELESS!!! said she would support me all the way but as soon as my daughter said no...she said...WELL I CANT FORCE HER AND SHES GOOD FOR ME AND THIS IS A PROBLEM BETWEEN YOU TWO!!. i asked my daughter please, never told her she had to come...she called the cops, and the sheriffs department said they would not force her to obey either of us and go...so she said..."no i will not go and you cant make me". 16 is such a difficult age..she said she is perfectly fine spending time with me if I COME TO HER. otherwise her part time job at wendys of 5-7 hrs a week is more important....oh yea...and her friends. i even told her about all the bike rides i was going to take her on and she said GREAT YOU CAN RIDE IT DOWN HERE SO WE CAN GO!!. i told her SPINELESS MOTHER that because she is dissobeying her (because her mother feels she should go, promised before hand she would support me and stand toe to toe with her and what our daughter said were her responsibilitys were nothing but excuses ...) that she should take away her friends and activitys and even dare i say "IF YOU CANT OBEY ME AND THINK YOU ARE ADULT ENOUGH TO SAY I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN MY PARENTS THEN AS AN ADULT SHE CAN LIVE ON HER OWN!! OR LET THE STATE THAT DID NOT WANT TO SUPPORT A COURT ORDERED VISITATION...THEY CAN RAISE HER!!!"...no...her only response is..."shes good for me i dont ever have any problems with her" (note...she is allowed to do just about whatever she wants) my son (who is 18 lives in the house and just graduated high school and now is preparing to pay for HIMSELF to go to college) spoke up and chastized his mother for her not standing up for me...and chastized his sister for being un christian and hypocrytical and claiming to be all christian and refuseing to honor her father or mother in thier wishes....so now he is in trouble by the mother too..ooh yea...SPINELESS...keep me in your prayers as i decide to either file for contempt, speak to my lawyer, or decide to just let god work it out and just love her.

 

[GSXcite]

At 16, she may have a boyfriend and doesn't want to leave. My not be you at all.

 

[skydivr]

I am so sorry.

 

[twotonevert]

Wow man, that is very tough. Been through all that myself. It gets easier, all you can do at this point is be there for your daughter, no matter what. You cant force her, it will only make her resent you. It sounds like your boy has already figured it out, your daughter will too, it just takes time. Ask me how I know...........

 

[BlondeOnaBusa]

I'm so sorry your going through this. Teen girls can be difficult at times but I'm sure one day she will come to realize how important you are and will have a change of heart.

 

[headrash]

One day she will grow up and realize how much she has hurt you during her younger years. Hang in the brother it may be quite some years but it'll get better. Your family are always the ones that hurt you the most in life because of the unconditional love you give to them. These things almost always work themselves out in the long run!

 

[bobber]

psalm 37:4
james 5:13-20
proverbs 3:5-6

 

[kromdom]

hang in there,man! gonna say a little prayer for you and family, Chris!

 

[Scar]

Hang in there, Chris. Everything evolves.

Evolution requires only one thing...time.

Be strong.

 

[aussiekeeper]

Put her up for sale.............

 

[Fastfrog007]

Teenagers are difficult, women can be difficult (no offense ladies) so put em together and its not fun. Hang in the brother

 

[GSXTacy]

I went through the exact same thing. It gets better. She will get older and realize what is right and what is wrong. I didnt see mine from about 14-16. Just about when she graduated from high school, she called me crying and telling me how sorry she was. We now have a great relationship. Give it time and keep telling her you love her. Leave her messages everyday. It works. Good luck. If you need to talk, shoot me a message.

 

[chrisjp]

Put her up for sale.............

cant...her mom already ruined the name in the town lol

 

[PocketRocket]

All things straighten out in time.. I know its easier said then done. But hang in Big Guy and just do right,, It all comes out in the wash.. Good Luck

 

[BIG GUY]

I am sorry to hear you are having so many problems with your daughter and ex-wife. That is a pretty difficult age to deal with. I use to work at a highschool and you ask a teenager to do something so simple and they act like you are asking them to go kill someone.

 

[Jay Willie]

This is definitely a tough row to hoe. In my life, I've been on both ends. Parents got divorced when I was five. I used the emotional heaviness I could feel between the two to manipulate attention.

Years later I found myself on the other end with an ex who just loved the drama of upsetting everyone so she could be queen. Messed with my daughter's head over visitation (at the ripe age of seven) and I let go of my rights to visitation after that.

To this day (daughter is 29) Sis won't have anything to do with me. Mom poisoned her mind against Dad and she believes I never cared.

I read in one of the posts just stay in touch and continue to tell her how much you care. I believe this would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Don't let this become an obstacle, Chris, but an opportunity to continue to show all your family how much you care about them. The willingness to yield and continue to show your love is the beginning of wisdom (I think I read that somewhere) and this will work out for the better. Otherwise the bitterness of control and manipulation will plant seeds that won't bring about good for anyone.

Be praying strength for you, my brother. It'll work out.

 

[ks-waterbug]

Hang in there my Brother... as said above hold the moral high ground and do the things you know to be right. In the end it will come full circle but in the mean time wont be an easy road to follow. She will come back around, just make sure and set aside time for the both of you to talk by phone, e-mail, text, etc... do it now and keep it regular! My middle child will be 23 this year and we had a similar situation, but you couldn't tell it today!

 

[chrisjp]

that is why i have chosen to not force it for a year now...and i reminded her of that...i want to respect her needs..i love her but i wont be told i am not allowed to tell her that it hurts...i understand...no long speeches...just "hey that hurts me when you say that"

 

[mrsBusawhipped]

((((hugs)))) Maybe a summer is too long for her. Give her a choice of time frames to come and visit you. And you go and visit her too. Take the bike. Pick her up from work one day on the bike. I know it is a hardship on you and your family, but she will only be a teenager for a short time and it is a very critical time.

I don't have children, so this may not work either, but I think I would also let her know that not seeing you is unacceptable and if it happens again, you will be filing for sole custody of her and she will come and live with you. But you gotta be prepared to back it up. Can't rely on her mother as you have stated so you may have to get the state involved. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that. Talk to your legal councel before you open that can of worms though.

Hang in there.

 

[k03gsxr750]

At 16, she may have a boyfriend and doesn't want to leave. My not be you at all.

Agree'd 16 is a funky age, especially to finally have time away from school only to have to go to another place. I truly feel for you as it's obvious you want to spend time with your daughter. give her time friend, she will come around forcing the issue is only going to further the distance between you two. At least she understands having to work! All is not lost.

lease: I'll keep you in my thoughts, I know without kids I can't understand what you are going through. But being 25 I feel like I understand the other side of the coin well. lease: