Suicide

[Lurch]

LadyHawk that was a very brave thing you just did. I am in the same boat as you. I have depression and am medicated. I did attempt suicide myself once back in the eighties. I was saved at the very last moment by my roomate and his buddies. People who have not been there do not understand what is going through the persons mind. Unless you have been there do not judge. It is similar to people judging a Busa rider for doing 180mph as crazy and having a death wish. We are not bad people we are not crazy people. We just have different issues to deal with. Just like a diabetic is not a bad person they just have an issue to deal with. Just be there for your friend and support him through friendship and love. Tell him as often as possible(1000 X's a day) that you are there for him. Just be a friend.

 

[Grandevil]

All good posts.

Mental health is still a taboo topic in our society unfortunately and there is often a stigma associated with taking medication for it which is very sad to me.

I used to take anti-depressants and I told an ex boyfriend that and he used it against me in an argument. Just one more reason I'm so screwed up!

Luckily I have friends like Mike.

 

[LadyHawk]

All good posts.

Mental health is still a taboo topic in our society unfortunately and there is often a stigma associated with taking medication for it which is very sad to me.

I used to take anti-depressants and I told an ex boyfriend that and he used it against me in an argument. Just one more reason I'm so screwed up!

Luckily I have friends like Mike.  

I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of mental issues, or my mental issues. If me talking about it helps someone... it's worth it. And the more it gets out there, and gets talked about, the more the general population will understand it.

And I am who I am... if you don't like me, I don't really care. The people that I call friends, love me just for being me.

 

[00busaTX]

I really appreciate all the feedback and comments. Leave it to the board to make me feel better. I do thank all of you for sharing your personal experiences. I know that all I can do is be there and be a friend. I just hope is cell phone bill does not go through the roof, 'cause I have been blowing up his phone. He is feeling better and hopefully things are starting to look up.

Thanks again everyone, and LadyHawk, I know that had to have been hard to put yourself out there, but I do appreciate your thoughts and that you shared this experience with us.

Thanks again,

00busaTX

 

[standiggity]

Second chances are a Gift from God.. keep the guy close to you, he'll need good friends that don't automatically judge him for what he did. Suicide is that subject no one likes to talk about, and would like to believe that no one around them would do it.. but it creeps it's way into some people's lives without the people around them knowing it.

#1-don't blame yourself at all.. just be there for him now and be a good friend.
#2-if he doesn't want to talk about it.. don't bring it up, just because you aren't that friend that he tells all the dark stuff too doesn't mean you're not one of his best friends.

 

[P-Willy]

LadyHawk that was a very brave thing you just did. I am in the same boat as you. I have depression and am medicated. I did attempt suicide myself once back in the eighties. I was saved at the very last moment by my roomate and his buddies. People who have not been there do not understand what is going through the persons mind. Unless you have been there do not judge. It is similar to people judging a Busa rider for doing 180mph as crazy and having a death wish. We are not bad people we are not crazy people. We just have different issues to deal with. Just like a diabetic is not a bad person they just have an issue to deal with. Just be there for your friend and support him through friendship and love. Tell him as often as possible(1000 X's a day) that you are there for him. Just be a friend.

+1000 Very well said! A very, very misunderstood topic for most people.

 

[skoti]

LadyHawk, my family has a long history of depression and a lot of what you say is true. I never really understood why people said it was a selfish solution until recently. I can understand this opinion now, but I'm more familiar with the feeling that ending it is the only solution.

One thing I don't understand is that as people, a lot of us feel it is merciful to put a dog or cat down that is old and in pain. Some of us even think that it is merciful to let humans go that are chronically ill and in a lot of pain.

But when it comes to feelings, depression, or any mental illness we seem to have this 'tough it out' attitude. Nobody wants to talk about it, it's almost like we are admitting we are inferior, or weak if we can't deal with things on our own.

If you have back problems, there isn't the same 'stuff' attached. People tend to be very open about it, and there are numerous places to go to seek advice. You could easily ask a friend for advice, see a doctor, and explore all your options.

Now let's suppose everytime you try to talk to someone about your back problems, they say, "it will get better", "it's not so bad", or "look at all the nice stuff you have" instead of taking a proactive approach and recommending a doctor.

It's a double standard and instead of talking openly about it, people tuck it away until the problem gets so bad, suicide actually looks like a good solution.

I'm sorta rambling... but hopefully it makes sense.

 

[dadofthree]

Hope things go well for your friend

 

[Vic_E55_2001]

Suicide Is a good solution to many problems. If I became terminally ill or injured I`d rather kill myself out of the missery..

I will not lay in my bed and see people who love me suffer because of my disability.

I only hope that I will not hesitate at the last moment.

 

[LadyHawk]

LadyHawk, my family has a long history of depression and a lot of what you say is true. I never really understood why people said it was a selfish solution until recently. I can understand this opinion now, but I'm more familiar with the feeling that ending it is the only solution.

One thing I don't understand is that as people, a lot of us feel it is merciful to put a dog or cat down that is old and in pain. Some of us even think that it is merciful to let humans go that are chronically ill and in a lot of pain.

But when it comes to feelings, depression, or any mental illness we seem to have this 'tough it out' attitude. Nobody wants to talk about it, it's almost like we are admitting we are inferior, or weak if we can't deal with things on our own.

If you have back problems, there isn't the same 'stuff' attached. People tend to be very open about it, and there are numerous places to go to seek advice. You could easily ask a friend for advice, see a doctor, and explore all your options.

Now let's suppose everytime you try to talk to someone about your back problems, they say, "it will get better", "it's not so bad", or "look at all the nice stuff you have" instead of taking a proactive approach and recommending a doctor.

It's a double standard and instead of talking openly about it, people tuck it away until the problem gets so bad, suicide actually looks like a good solution.

I'm sorta rambling... but hopefully it makes sense.

Because you can't "SEE" depression, or any mental illness. You can SEE a broken leg in an x-ray. You can SEE a ruptured disc on an MRI. You can SEE that someone got surgery and has stitches.

You can't SEE that neurotransmitters in a person's brain are not accepting serotonin. You can't SEE that a body doesn't produce enough serotonin.

It's like Alzheimer's. The body looks totally fine. But the brain is disintegrating. The person acts like they don't remember, they get lost, they forgot to change clothes. All you see is them not "keeping it together"￾ and you get frustrated.

It's easier to accept that a person is broken if they have physical signs (casts, x-rays, mri, stitches, bones going in directions they shouldn't). Not so easy when you can't SEE it.

*shrug* Just the way we are.

Knowledge is power. And the internet is the greatest tool ever.

 

[Vic_E55_2001]

The person acts like they don't remember, they get lost, they forgot to change clothes. All  you see is them not "keeping it together"￾ and you get frustrated.

Is that me you talking about? sounds like me.

 

[Wag]

I had the chemical imbalance variety. The psychiatrist at the time gave me Merital (nomifensine maleate) which is no longer made or prescribed in the U.S., probably because it works. It had/has the potentially unpleasant side-effect of causing a type of anemia so they don't recommend it any more.

Anyhoo, took that for a few months and it kicked my brain back into gear with the seratonin issues and I've been fine for over 20 years. I'm allowed to have a fast car, fast bike and guns in the house!

True that nobody knows what's going on in the person's head. It doesn't make it any easier for the family of a suicide victim but the fact is, nobody really knows what it is that causes a person to believe that suicide is the best alternative available. For some of us, it's the body chemistry screwing us up. For others, well, who knows?

Selfish? I don't think so. Saying it is is an attempt at guilt-tripping a person into not committing suicide as opposed to encouraging them to get the help they need. After the fact, it's generally an expression of anger and frustration at not knowing why the person did it, an unanswerable question.

When I made my first attempt at suicide, it wasn't out of selfishness. It was because I had given up on life altogether. Life had no pleasantries, no beauty, none of the things which make it worthwhile. For me at the time, life was constant emotional and mental pain, fraught with fear and uncertainty and a sensation of absolutely zero self-worth. The nearest description I can think of is that life was black. The mental will to live was gone but the physical body's biology was too healthy to allow me to just wither away, which was what I would have preferred.

Fortunately, I got the help I needed and I've been good to go ever since.

You who have never been in those shoes, remember that

1. It isn't your fault. Never ever ever believe that you could have done something to change the mind of the suicide victim. If you happen to be there at the moment or soon after and can call an ambulance, that is the ONLY thing you would have ever been able to do.

2. You can, however, be there for your friend or family member after the fact if they survive. They will need you but they won't need you telling them how to live their life. They just need you there for them. Let the doctors tell you how to help beyond that and let the doctors and the survivor figure out how to get past this.

3. For quite a long time after a person survives his suicide, you cannot allow that person to be alone. It can take a long time to figure out how to successfully treat the person and until the doctors are able to work it out, you can't leave that person alone.

I knew a man many years ago who was wealthy beyond imagination, had a beautiful family, professed a soul-deep belief in god and was diagnosed as bi-polar (or whatever they were calling it then). He started meds. His family was given strict instructions to never leave him alone. They left him one day to go grocery shopping and came home to find he had taken his own life.

4. Just by way of education, learn the signs. It's on the internet so google it and educate yourself on how to determine if someone is exhibiting those characteristics. You COULD be a help to a friend in need if you know what the signs are, in spite of #1 above.

As for self-euthanasia, I believe that to be a completely different topic. Briefly, if a person is otherwise healthy, suicide is unbelievably evil and wrong in every possibly way. On the other hand, if a person's physical body has been damaged or aged to the point that there is no hope of reprieve and quality of life is permanently lost, then the choice should be left to the person to determine the course of his life and how it should end.

I highly recommend the book, "Final Exit," by Derek Humphries. Yes, it does describe how you can go about taking your own life, but more importantly, it talks about all the issues which go into the decision. It is a serious book which raises serious issues for consideration in a sensitive and thoughtful way.

Life is precious. It should never be wasted.

--Wag--