Just when do you tell your wife about your extra kid?

[dmrowe]

Everyone here has given some real good advice..and observations on your friends behavior. What was he thinking? He has placed himself in a very difficult situation, he should have asked for DNA testing when the child was born. Any woman that would fool around with a married man (and yes that's OK but an abortion is not?) is likely to be doing more than just him. Time to come clean and ask for mercy.

 

[Commuta_Busa]

Sooner or later it will all come out. The longer he waits the worse off he'll be with everyone. What is he thinking? Somehow it'll just all be fine and no one will ever know until after he's dead? Sounds like he's being very selfish and inconsiderate to everyone. You should never run away, hide, or avoid your responsibilites.

 

[ajblbv]

Wouldn't going to the command actually screw over the wife and the mistress financially? If he gets involved his pay will not be the same, etc?

Granted emotion might overtake logic at this point.

Either way, your friend needs to step up at some point, because his situation will only get worse. Best of luck to him, but he has it coming.

 

[1340]

All pointers taken. It is a fact that she was sleeping around with other guys while they were seeing each other, I agree that the DNA test is a must. As far as the "mistress" Imagine a home wrecker that does'nt believe in abortion. Its really sad that both of them were selfish and its just a matter of time before this whole thing explodes. I will present all this to him, and hopefully he will be man enough this time to face the music. I appreciate all the advice from everyone. We can close this for now and don't be surprised when you guys see the part II.

1340

 

[carlsbadbusa]

...very hard dilema....but hey life happens and we cant go back....

I would tell her right away, sucks but getting that stuff off your chest is the best feeling within your self before the storm hits....if he loves his wife (truly)... and his wife loves him, with good faith they can make it....its possible but not certain...Good luck

 

[BBB]

If she had an affair with a married man and wasn't smart enough to use protection, who's to say she would have an affair while having an affair and not be smart enough to use protection? First and foremost confirm it's his. If it is, anything less than full disclosure is pure selfishness and is as bad as the affair itself. Not fair to all involved including the children.

 

[el stumpo]

No judgement here.

As stated, first a paternity test.

second. he needs to decide what is more important to him. His current marriage, the other woman or the kids. Then you can give proper advice (assuming he is the father).

If it's the marriage - he needs to fess up now and beg/pray for forgiveness. He needs to convince her he's changed (good luck). Take all the lumps and admit he's an idiot

The other woman - tell the wife it's over and he's leaving for another woman. Stinks, but that was he needs to do.

The kids - Come clean with the wife. Let her know he'll abide by whatever decision she comes to, just take a few days to think about it and that he still wants to be involved in his child's life.

None are great options. Best of luck to the kids who are the victims here.

 

[Justyntym]

Oh what a tangled web we weave
when we act like a sleeze
lifes not so hard when you do what's right
it saves us all, from a nasty plight

but all to often we forget that fact
and that thing in our pants, makes us act
so there you have it, with a lack of morality
alimony, child support and a large dose of REALITY

---------------------------------------------------------

I got no problem calling it like I see it...what kind of person sleeps with another
woman while their own wife is pregnant with their child...???

"My friend has a...dilema". Your friend just peaked and broke the meter.
You do what you want but...man...I just can't tolerate stupidity or selfishness
and seems like your friend has an over abundance of both coupled with a complete
lack of morality. Be carefull who your associates are...they say a lot about who you are.

2ndly and this is two fold...abortion is not birth control (but it fits the selfish
profile mentioned above). It allows and even encourages people to behave
irresponsibly. Not trying to jack the thread so I won't go into it more.
(although I do find it slightly hypocritacal that the "madam" has no trouble fooling
around with a married man (with children) for 13 months and then suddenly
developes a case of morality)

3rdly...if you have a children...especially IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, you owe it to
them to provide them with a stable and loving home. It's no longer about you,
and your selfish desires and adolescent wants...grow the hell up, and keep the
Johnson home. Your actions have consequences...congrats to your buddy,
he's left two homes broken and multiple children with a part time father...
was it was worth it...

That's the HUGE problem with society...it's all about ME and what I want with
no regards to right and wrong (the Tiger Woods, I woulda done it too syndrom)
No one is willing to give of themselves or have any personal sacrifices for the sake of happiness
of even family members, their own children or significant others...sad

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

 

[Takeuon]

the child is the end answer... No matter what the drama...you can and will mess up thier life ..do what is right by makeing sure they suffer as little as possible. As an adult you can pay for your actions...dont make the child pay for you

+100!

 

[1340]

Oh what a tangled web we weave
when we act like a sleeze
lifes not so hard when you do what's right
it saves us all, from a nasty plight

but all to often we forget that fact
and that thing in our pants, makes us act
so there you have it, with a lack of morality
alimony, child support and a large dose of REALITY

---------------------------------------------------------

I got no problem calling it like I see it...what kind of person sleeps with another
woman while their own wife is pregnant with their child...???

"My friend has a...dilema". Your friend just peaked and broke the meter.
You do what you want but...man...I just can't tolerate stupidity or selfishness
and seems like your friend has an over abundance of both coupled with a complete
lack of morality. Be carefull who your associates are...they say a lot about who you are.

2ndly and this is two fold...abortion is not birth control (but it fits the selfish
profile mentioned above). It allows and even encourages people to behave
irresponsibly. Not trying to jack the thread so I won't go into it more.
(although I do find it slightly hypocritacal that the "madam" has no trouble fooling
around with a married man (with children) for 13 months and then suddenly
developes a case of morality)

3rdly...if you have a children...especially IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, you owe it to
them to provide them with a stable and loving home. It's no longer about you,
and your selfish desires and adolescent wants...grow the hell up, and keep the
Johnson home. Your actions have consequences...congrats to your buddy,
he's left two homes broken and multiple children with a part time father...
was it was worth it...

That's the HUGE problem with society...it's all about ME and what I want with
no regards to right and wrong (the Tiger Woods, I woulda done it too syndrom)
No one is willing to give of themselves or have any personal sacrifices for the sake of happiness
of even family members, their own children or significant others...sad

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

You hit all the spots, nice write up and thanks for taking your time man.

 

[2hip]

This will not end well...in fact these pictures I will post are how it will go for him...he can pretty much kiss his life as he knew it good bye...no self respecting human being is going to jump back into bed with a cheater...especially since she was with child when he did it...time to pay for the 29 minutes of satisfaction....

 

[EarlyBird]

1st DNA test to confirm all is well.
2nd Since he has already started an allotment (keep track because I saw in court a couple of years ago a guy was paying in cash and when they went to court about the child support the girl said it was a gift for two years. The court hit him up for back child support). If he is in the military then on his allotment in DFAS make sure he checks its for guardianship support.
3rd. Tell his wife. If they are in to the end then there will be hardache and pain but in the end the children wont have to wait years and suddenly find out they are siblings.
4th PRAY

Its bad all the way around, and have a few people I know in a similar situation past and present. My best friends wife cheated on him.... and know he knows etc... role reversed. Good advise above.. but it sucks all the way around.

 

[jetsetter]

Some people suck. It's not the end of the world, nor is this the first or last time something like this has happened. This is simply reality, we don't live in fairy land where everything is perfect and everybody is trustworthy. This guy chose to live dangerously and the situation got beyond his control. As for the wife and kids, they will move on, with or without him, and they'll be fine. They are hardly alone in this situation, there are countless broken families in this country. They will go through a tough spot, but things will get better.

The kids are no more victims here than in cases where the parents divorce for any other reason. The kids don't need to know gory details about why the parents aren't together. If she doesn't give him the boot, the kids don't have to know about it at all. That's for her to decide, his decisions have already been made.

 

[cipher5791]

What they said