Suicide

[00busaTX]

In the past I really never have wanted nor needed to think about this topic (don't get scared it is not me).  I always thought that suicide was the most selfish thing a person could do.  The easy way out, if you know what I mean.  Well, in my life I have very few close, close friends.  So the ones that I have I hold close.  Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of friends on this board alone, but how many people can you say are your best friends.

Well one of my friends (Mr.X) came by the house Sunday night and watched movies with me, my wife, and the dogs.  He has been having issues in his life that seemed to be compounding.  Everything from money to health, and then his wife of 20 years gave him reason to believe she was cheating on him (thier 20th anniversary is this friday).  So needless to say, he turned to his friends.  His wife was avoiding him and he needed a breather.  After he left my house he called one of our friends and talked to him on his way home.  We thought everything was cool.  WRONG!!!!!

Our friend that he called on his way home from my house went by Monday morning after Mr. X's wife and kids were gone.  Our friend walked in to find that he popped enough pills to kill an elephant.

  This along with his diabetes didn't go over well.  So after a full 35 hours in ICU they transferred him out to take psych tests and he is checking into a psych hospital today, voluntarily.  

My whole point is that on one hand I feel as if I did not do enough, but on the other hand it makes me mad as hell that he had the balls to try to take the easy way out.

Sorry for the long post, but I can't talk about this since no one knows why he is in the hospital.  Everyone besides about 4 of us and his wife thinks he is in for diabetic issues.

Ok, I am done.

 

[johnnycrash]

Wow! That sucks. Sounds like as much a cry for help as anything - you might be forced to bring this up with his whole family in order to get him to seek help.

I had a best friend kill himself 10 years ago. Going to his funeral and seeing the effects of that on his family taught me how terrible killing yourself is. To have your friend/son/whatever get killed in an accident is easier to accept as Gods will - to have that same person kill themselves only brings a lifetime of "what-ifs". Like you said - the most selfish thing anyone can do.

I'd try and talk to him and not let him blow it off - in fact I'd tell him he needs to fess up to his family or you'll do it for him.

 

[SAMBUSA]

That really sux. Prayers sent.

 

[99'busa]

Whether he is the least bit religious or not, God gave him another chance. Someone has to tell him what that could have done to his kids. Like you said selfish. He has kids, right. He has to live for them atleast until he can find a reason for himself. I'm not a pro. at this. And I admit to knowing very little about it. I'm not gonna start preaching but I am gonna pray for him...

 

[twotonevert]

Very well said Chris, prayers are sent as well.

 

[Grandevil]

I think this is one of those things, that unless you are that person you can never truly feel how they feel.Some people are more resilient than others, people will react differently to the same events and we can't necessarily imagine how bad that person really feels. Some people really do experience such mental anguish that they feel they would be better off dead. I can't say that they are more cowardly or weaker than I or anyone else because I can never really know what it's like for them.

On a slight tangent, why people are so quick to give credit to god I'll never know. I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate by any means, but it seems that when something horrible happens (downward spiral in life, cheating wife, health problems) no one is blaming god, yet when something good, or lucky or coincidental happens they give god all the credit.

I would give credit to that person, that friend who went to check on him because they truly cared. Good friends are a lot more tangible and far more reliable in my humble opinion.

 

[TruWrecks]

Don't be judgmental about it. You'd never understand the reasoning that goes through a suicidal person's mind unless you've been there. I pray he finds a reason to hope for.

 

[thrasherfox]

There are allot of things I could say on this topic, ranging from personal experiences, personal feelings, having friends who have committed suicide, knowing how chemical imbalances can cause problems with a persons perception on life

But I guess the best way I can sum it up is, if you are down and out, and the entire world seems to suck and someone (who you have spent 20 years with and they are everything to you) just totally took a dump on you.. what happens if you ponder the situation and ask yourself one question.

"what if this is as good as it gets?"

 

[00busaTX]

I would give credit to that person, that friend who went to check on him because they truly cared. Good friends are a lot more tangible and far more reliable in my humble opinion.

Well after getting to chat with him today, he now knows how much me and the friend that found him care.  And the good news (if there is any) him and his wife finally talked and talked hard.  He was actually apologizing to me for puting me through this.  I simply told him, I am here for him, no matter what happens.

 

[99'busa]

I think this is one of those things, that unless you are that person you can never truly feel how they feel.Some people are more resilient than others, people will react differently to the same events and we can't necessarily imagine how bad that person really feels. Some people really do experience such mental anguish that they feel they would be better off dead. I can't say that they are more cowardly or weaker than I or anyone else because I can never really know what it's like for them.

On a slight tangent, why people are so quick to give credit to god I'll never know. I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate by any means, but it seems that when something horrible happens (downward spiral in life, cheating wife, health problems) no one is blaming god, yet when something good, or lucky or coincidental happens they give god all the credit.

I would give credit to that person, that friend who went to check on him because they truly cared. Good friends are a lot more tangible and far more reliable in my humble opinion.

Mel, you have a very common and understandable thought about giving credit to God. I also don't want to twist this thread in a dif. direction but when it comes to life, God is bound to come up. The reason people give God credit for these things is because He is in control of everything. Every breath we take is because he is allowing it. To keep this short to avoid threadjacking, I'll just say that good things happen in life and bad things happen in life. God never said life would be a bed of roses lol. Good times we thank him and bad times we ask for strength.

Good inquiry, Mel!

 

[Grandevil]

I would give credit to that person, that friend who went to check on him because they truly cared. Good friends are a lot more tangible and far more reliable in my humble opinion.

Well after getting to chat with him today, he now knows how much me and the friend that found him care. And the good news (if there is any) him and his wife finally talked and talked hard. He was actually apologizing to me for puting me through this. I simply told him, I am here for him, no matter what happens.

You are a true friend, and there is nothing greater in this life than that. I applaud you for that.

Finding friends that will stick by you through thick and thin is hard.

 

[mpdgsxr1000]

I would give credit to that person, that friend who went to check on him because they truly cared. Good friends are a lot more tangible and far more reliable in my humble opinion.

Well after getting to chat with him today, he now knows how much me and the friend that found him care.  And the good news (if there is any) him and his wife finally talked and talked hard.  He was actually apologizing to me for puting me through this.  I simply told him, I am here for him, no matter what happens.

You are a true friend, and there is nothing greater in this life than that. I applaud you for that.  

Finding friends that will stick by you through thick and thin is hard.

I'll always be there for you Mel

 

[brian7396]

the pain of depression can be unbearable. when feeling that all hope is gone your own mind will be your worst enemy. be with your friend as much as you can and find excuses to call and talk to him. its hard to understand if you havn't been through it yourself.

 

[Spudley]

I like what Ron said, and it fits to an extent.....but I also wonder, as I have seen this happen personally, if this fits..."I'll show YOU, I'll hurt ME"........diabetes, 19+ years as a husband (and she is allegedly cheating)...that would fit.

I'm sorry it got too heavy for your friend......life can be TOO HEAVY.......

I think he should get some facts working on his behalf, so his head doesn't think he should give it another try...

 

[99'busa]

Hopefully this was a big wake up call to him and his wife. It is impossible for anyone not in those shoes to understand. I know you will be there for him. I'm sure he will understand if you tell him your gonna be calling just be cause.

My sister did try this. Also with pills. Be there for him and always answer the phone for him. That's all you can do my friend.

 

[Ken02busa]

My buddy B was threatening to off himself a few years ago, just split with wife after 20 years, also diabetic, workaholic, figured he could not go on. I took a real strong approach to this, came close to kicking his ass several times, and eventually everything worked out, met his current wife, life turned around. He credits me with his life now.

My other buddy Al, who some of you may have seen my post about, did not talk to me when everything apparently fell apart, did not leave a note, did not tell anyone that anything was wrong. His brother did it 30 years prior, because of a girl. His funeral is next Saturday. I found out today, it took 6 weeks for SS to find anyone that knew him or was related to him. SS seized all of his belongings, to cover debt? His family is somewhat disturbed at this, no one wants anything, but WTF?

Suicide is way too easy, and incredibly frightening.

 

[Charlesbusa]

Wow, glad he wasn't sucessful.  Obviously he was plenty of possibly good years and kids to look after.  He definitely wasn't thinking of the consequences.  Good on you for stick'in with him.  




On another note, my Mom and I have talked about it a lot.  Watching my Grandmother waste away in a nursing home is an eye opener.  She's over 80 and her husband of over 50yrs died more that 10 yrs ago.  All her days now are laying in bed, forcefed(they stick the spoon in her mouth) and sleep.  She lives in a fantasy world of her making, who could blame her, and visiting her doesn't help.  
I'm definitely going to put in my will that I will not be forcefed in that situation.  When you're at the end of your life you lose control of everything, even being able to die.  The nursing homes are set up to keep people alive, since those people are their bread and butter.  But there is absolutely no quality of life in a nursing home.  You live in your bed, that's it, that's all there is...  I definitely think suicide is acceptable under those circumstances.

 

[BusaWizard]

Godspeed.

 

[VaBusa]

Something to consider when dealing with someone suicidal or that you think may be suicidal - it's not just a "state of mind" for them. Oftentimes, it's a chemical imbalance, something wrong inside their brains and bodies that enhances feelings of depression, helplessness, loneliness, nothingness, something that likely won't just go away but must be treated by a doctor, possibly involving medicinal treatments.

I have had to cope with 2 suicidal family members (thankfully they've gotten help, but it's still a battle in their lives at times, at least for one) and as frickin' frustrating as it can be as the outsider looking in, in the end, those that take their lives don't want to die. They truly feel it's THE ONLY WAY to end whatever pain they're in, whether its physical, mental or emotional.

My husband had a coworker years ago with diabetes...he waited until his wife and kids had left for the store, went down in the basement and shot himself in the head. He was faced with losing his legs due to his diabetes, and I'm sure after years of dealing with that disease and whatever else life had thrown his way, he just saw no other options. My husband was so pissed that this guy did what he did to his family, but I felt nothing but sorrow for someone that just couldn't see or find any other solutions to end his suffering, and for him, it was obvious that he'd suffered for a long time. Far too often, suicidal individuals go their long path alone, so family and friends never even know there's something wrong.

I hope your friend gets the help he needs. It will likely take a lot more than just having friends and family rally around him. If there's something chemically imbalanced right now, he needs more than just hugs and handshakes. He's taking the right steps and thank God he was unsuccessful in his attempts. Letting him know you're there for him is a great step too, so keep that up and he's in my thoughts, as are you

 

[LadyHawk]

My father was bi-polar and killed himself when I was 9 years old. He did seek treatment for his mental issues, but back in the 70s that mostly consisted of electric shock.

Him killing himself left us 4 kids with issues. And I'm sure my mom had a hard time with it. (I don't know, she died 10 years ago and we never talked about it). But I DO know that although outsiders see suicide as the "Chicken sh**"￾ way out. It really isn't. It's the only way that person knows how to get away from the pain. Not necessarily physical pain"¦ but the emotional pain.

I also have depression, as do my sister and one brother. For us it's a chemical imbalance, probably inherited from our father, and the issues we have from his death only compound the problem.

When depression sets in, for someone that has an imbalance to begin with, it's very very difficult to climb out of that funnel. There are times (pre-medication ) that I would be spiraling down, and the thought of running my car over an overpass, or hitting a bridge pillar were always so appealing. Mostly those thoughts come because you don't know what is wrong, or how to fix it, and nothing works, and the frustration level is taking over your life, and you just want "AWAY"￾ from it. But knowing how us kids felt, and how I felt, being left by my father, is the only thing that kept me from running my car into bridges.

All I can say is thank goodness for modern medicine! I tried to stop taking my anti-depressants once. And it wasn't pretty. So needless to say, they will be a lifelong thing for me. I've tried a few different ones, and some work, and some don't. They all act differently for different people.

I hope your friend gets the help he needs. A good therapist can do wonders, and should know when his patient needs meds, along with therapy. Be there for him if he needs you. Let him know you love him.... I'll be hoping that he feels better.