So I'll leave it up to y'all. AmI right or wrong?
- Thread starter Blanca BusaLess
- Start date
newman
Registered
Just my honest opinion.
Remember your from different cultures to each other, and been brought up differently.
Now I think it's wrong that your wife says it's her son, so she can do what she wants, but is this the done thing where she is from.
I also think it's wrong what you said about making the final decision in things, is this how you were brought up.
And it is very wrong how your parents are acting, has he heard what they are saying. If so the little boy must be so upset.
Don't go shaving his hair off it will cause even more trouble.
You've got to say to your wife right we have got to sit down and talk about this calmly, and while your at it ask if she has anything else to talk about, just clear the air.
Then get your son involved, and ask why he is playing up at school, and has he any problems.
You don't want this situation getting out of hand, with both sides of the family getting involved, this is between you and your wife.
No matter what the situation you have both got to compromise.
I would let him keep the hair cut, he will soon be on to something else, but tell the wife she went about it the wrong way as he is your son to.
It's no use ignoring each other nothing will be settled like that.
Best of luck.
Dave.
Remember your from different cultures to each other, and been brought up differently.
Now I think it's wrong that your wife says it's her son, so she can do what she wants, but is this the done thing where she is from.
I also think it's wrong what you said about making the final decision in things, is this how you were brought up.
And it is very wrong how your parents are acting, has he heard what they are saying. If so the little boy must be so upset.
Don't go shaving his hair off it will cause even more trouble.
You've got to say to your wife right we have got to sit down and talk about this calmly, and while your at it ask if she has anything else to talk about, just clear the air.
Then get your son involved, and ask why he is playing up at school, and has he any problems.
You don't want this situation getting out of hand, with both sides of the family getting involved, this is between you and your wife.
No matter what the situation you have both got to compromise.
I would let him keep the hair cut, he will soon be on to something else, but tell the wife she went about it the wrong way as he is your son to.
It's no use ignoring each other nothing will be settled like that.
Best of luck.
Dave.
i rock a fauxhawk, but it's well within regs. at work, it looks like a high and tight, on the weekends, up it goes. you need to get across to your son it's important to look professional at school/work, not cool. the cool kids get the girls in high school, but the wealthy ones get the real hotties, and they take pride in a professional appearance.
oh yea, and tell your wife it's all well and good for her to make decisions, even ones she makes just to piss you off. but using the kid to get at you is OFF LIMITS. divorced or married, leave the kids out of your ****. that's how kids get all screwed up is being used as an emotional weapon by the parents.
Proverbs 31 NKJV - The Words of King Lemuel
Your wife is WRONG in using your son as a weapon, that would be a battle I would fight. She should be your partner and not your advisary. Children get confused when they have to choose between their parents. Prayers of strength and wisdom sent for the two of you to work this out.
Your wife is WRONG in using your son as a weapon, that would be a battle I would fight. She should be your partner and not your advisary. Children get confused when they have to choose between their parents. Prayers of strength and wisdom sent for the two of you to work this out.
Another thought is if she thinks it's cute for your son to have a mohawk, then it must be cute for her to have one too!!!! 
Hang in there. 
lease:
Hang in there. lease:
busa clubslinger
Registered
yep...who cares about the hair...other issues need to be addressed here! And for what it's worth, I don't think looks influence behavior...maybe short terms yes, or superficially yes...but we've all been programmed a certain way. Your son's not going to grow up in and out of jail because of his haircut...just food for thought. Good luck Blanca!
Ok. All great comments which I appreciate very much.
First my father hung up but we spoke in the phone later in the day.
My father and Adam have a special long distance relationship. They've both only seen each other three times in their life but each remembers the other perfectly especially Adam. Since he was two granpa has and adam have had a great relationship. Each one talks big and bad to the other like boys do. Grandpa is Big Stupid Knucklehead to Adam but in a most loving way and Adam is Little Knucklehead to granpa. They talk for long periods on Skype from 7k miles away and draw and joke. The other day when my dad hung up on us it was after Adam and him were going back and forth over the cut. Both were calling each other knuckleheads and Adam in usual form sat up on the desk and said knucklehead to granpa and granpa hung up after saying 'wet rat'. It was kinda funny but then I looked at Adam and realized with the gel and the cut he does look like one. So don't anyone fault my pop. He was a bit perturbed but both the knuckleheads spoke on the phone and made up.
My mom? That's a different and long story I'll save you from. Her and my wife battle constantly over 'how to' and 'what should' Adam be doing. The two of them drive me whacko! God Id kill for a country road right now. Cheaper than a shrink!
To get her back I'm going to leave her with HER son and ride
my motorcycle to.......'I don't know where I'm going, but I'll be back in five days!'......north Carolina in March or April.
'Golly gee all my friends from the org just happened to be there, honest!'
First my father hung up but we spoke in the phone later in the day.
My father and Adam have a special long distance relationship. They've both only seen each other three times in their life but each remembers the other perfectly especially Adam. Since he was two granpa has and adam have had a great relationship. Each one talks big and bad to the other like boys do. Grandpa is Big Stupid Knucklehead to Adam but in a most loving way and Adam is Little Knucklehead to granpa. They talk for long periods on Skype from 7k miles away and draw and joke. The other day when my dad hung up on us it was after Adam and him were going back and forth over the cut. Both were calling each other knuckleheads and Adam in usual form sat up on the desk and said knucklehead to granpa and granpa hung up after saying 'wet rat'. It was kinda funny but then I looked at Adam and realized with the gel and the cut he does look like one. So don't anyone fault my pop. He was a bit perturbed but both the knuckleheads spoke on the phone and made up.
My mom? That's a different and long story I'll save you from. Her and my wife battle constantly over 'how to' and 'what should' Adam be doing. The two of them drive me whacko! God Id kill for a country road right now. Cheaper than a shrink!
To get her back I'm going to leave her with HER son and ride
my motorcycle to.......'I don't know where I'm going, but I'll be back in five days!'......north Carolina in March or April.
'Golly gee all my friends from the org just happened to be there, honest!'
SKECHE
Registered
dude, im the same way...i like the look of a clean cut lil fellow...i see some of these kids with these mohawks and i tell my wife all the time, "my son will never have a hair cut like that!" the schools down here will not allow it, but when school lets out most of the kids want it. MY KID WILL NOT HAVE IT...wit that said, SHAVE IT....if he wants to look rediculous, might as well shave it..if the wife has anything to say, tell she's next.
To add more...
You can use your sons hair cut as a tool to his discipline in school. If he gets into trouble then let him know he will lose the new cut. If he ends up behaving he keeps it. It's a win win situation. kinda saves face with wife and gets the child either behaving or hair that is more suitable to your liking.
You can use your sons hair cut as a tool to his discipline in school. If he gets into trouble then let him know he will lose the new cut. If he ends up behaving he keeps it. It's a win win situation. kinda saves face with wife and gets the child either behaving or hair that is more suitable to your liking.
houstonbussa
Registered
Here's my tid -bit.. Ok.. As far as the haircut. If that's what you SON wanted, then I see no problem with it. If it's what SHE wanted.. Big problem.. This is the time he starts learning to make decisions and choices that affect him.. The mohawk is in style and if done right can look nice. (Imagine my shock as a black man to seeing black kids wearing them and it's never really been a black fad other than Mr T and even with him, it passed quickly in the black community).. But seems to be sticking... Other than that, there has been too much put in to this hair cut.
NOW for the rest of what I've read. Not that everyone lives with the traditional values, but I agree. The man has the final word if he's the head of the house.. Now I've seen houses where she gets the final word... Who ever wears the pants. I don't care what anyone says, there can't be two alpha dogs.. Period. One's an alpha, ones a bravo, and the rest of the pack is waiting to come in thier own. So the leason learned is "If daddy says no, undermind him and go ask mom." Which later in life destroys any chain of command he WILL have to attend to in his life. And when he becomes alpha will make him an pissed off iron fist when it happens to him.
I more so agree that there should be communication, because with communication, there's less of a chance for the alpha having to show he's alpha because there can be compromises.. i.e., look at which mohawk style look managable/reasonable. (i.e. the degree of the cut) and have a 'test run'. IF I had a son and he wanted a mohawk, I'd let him.. Maybe because my mother tried to encourage me to express myself as a child, which IS important. The ones that are controlled the most are the ones that 'act out' the most the moment they come from under the iron thumb. So not agreeing on the over reaction from you or your parents, but agree on the 'chain of command' issues.... I could go on more, but this is pretty much the gist of it.
NOW for the rest of what I've read. Not that everyone lives with the traditional values, but I agree. The man has the final word if he's the head of the house.. Now I've seen houses where she gets the final word... Who ever wears the pants. I don't care what anyone says, there can't be two alpha dogs.. Period. One's an alpha, ones a bravo, and the rest of the pack is waiting to come in thier own. So the leason learned is "If daddy says no, undermind him and go ask mom." Which later in life destroys any chain of command he WILL have to attend to in his life. And when he becomes alpha will make him an pissed off iron fist when it happens to him.
I more so agree that there should be communication, because with communication, there's less of a chance for the alpha having to show he's alpha because there can be compromises.. i.e., look at which mohawk style look managable/reasonable. (i.e. the degree of the cut) and have a 'test run'. IF I had a son and he wanted a mohawk, I'd let him.. Maybe because my mother tried to encourage me to express myself as a child, which IS important. The ones that are controlled the most are the ones that 'act out' the most the moment they come from under the iron thumb. So not agreeing on the over reaction from you or your parents, but agree on the 'chain of command' issues.... I could go on more, but this is pretty much the gist of it.
houstonbussa
Registered
Oh, I did want to touch on one thing... Let the wife have it's "Her Son" thing and when he's does something unmanagable and she wants him to be YOUR son, remind her that he's HER son and she carried him around for 9 months.. blah blah... Which WILL piss her off, then tell her never to pull that *ish on you ever again, because it takes both parents to raise a child and to give him all that he needs to grow properly.
Warchild
Banned
Re: So I'll leave it up to y'all. Am I right or wrong?
Consider a marriage and child-raising to a looooooong protracted war.... you have *got* to learn to pick your battles. This one doesn't merit a bunch of trauma... it is too trivial to erupt into a firefight.
Key points in your original post:
There. Right there.... as far as the female is concerned, you just gave her an ultimatum. Poor headwork, bro'.... and look what ensued.
An entirely flawed concept. A haircut doesn't determine how a child acts... how he is raised and his overall environment typically determines that. You should keep in mind it is *his* hair... not yours. Sure, at 5 years old, you can obviously impose your will upon him, even if he wants no part of it. That is a HUGE error. If you do that now, just wait until he's a teenager....
Really? ??? Did you really just write this?!?!
This neanderthal approach to a relationship will be the cornerstone of its demise. You continue *that* mindset, and you two are eventually headed for the Big D. The "my way or the highway" approach only works (temporarily) if the female has little to no self-esteem (which doesn't sound like the case, given your comments about with your wife), and almost always results in eventual trouble.
Right. So was all this haircut nonsense worth that? Like I say, you gotta pick your battles.... and this one surly did not merit the angst it has apparently caused. It's hair, 'bro, it's just hair..... big whup.
YGTBSM.
So your parents are ready to temporarily abandon their grandson....due to a haircut?!!
Shyeah... I'm out.
Good luck, brother....
Brother, you are completely and totally wrong.
Consider a marriage and child-raising to a looooooong protracted war.... you have *got* to learn to pick your battles. This one doesn't merit a bunch of trauma... it is too trivial to erupt into a firefight.
Key points in your original post:
There. Right there.... as far as the female is concerned, you just gave her an ultimatum. Poor headwork, bro'.... and look what ensued.
An entirely flawed concept. A haircut doesn't determine how a child acts... how he is raised and his overall environment typically determines that. You should keep in mind it is *his* hair... not yours. Sure, at 5 years old, you can obviously impose your will upon him, even if he wants no part of it. That is a HUGE error. If you do that now, just wait until he's a teenager....
Really? ??? Did you really just write this?!?!
This neanderthal approach to a relationship will be the cornerstone of its demise. You continue *that* mindset, and you two are eventually headed for the Big D. The "my way or the highway" approach only works (temporarily) if the female has little to no self-esteem (which doesn't sound like the case, given your comments about with your wife), and almost always results in eventual trouble.
Right. So was all this haircut nonsense worth that? Like I say, you gotta pick your battles.... and this one surly did not merit the angst it has apparently caused. It's hair, 'bro, it's just hair..... big whup.
YGTBSM.
So your parents are ready to temporarily abandon their grandson....due to a haircut?!!
Shyeah... I'm out.
Good luck, brother....
Rico is Suave no more? Say it ain't so!
I'd be livid Saiid if my wife pulled a similar stunt with my daughter. But, it's not about the haircut. My first reaction is to shave it the rest of the way and show her two can play that way, but that would be tit for tat using your child as the weapon. What she did was not right, and you need to call her out on it. It was immature to use her OWN CHILD as a weapon to get at you. "What he wanted" is not an excuse and is abdicating her responsiblity as a parent. And saying it to her THAT way may get her to listen the most. She's not 16 any more and does not get to have hissy fits; she's an adult with a child and she needs to start acting like one.
Regardless, she needs to tell you what the hell her problem is with you. IF she's mad at you, then shave YOUR head when you are asleep, but leave YOUR CHILD out of it. She can say that crap about carrying him for 9 months, but it took both of you to make that child, and neither of you gets to operate in a vacuum when it comes to your child. Ask her how you could have compromised in the future.
What she's done now is created a 4 month "FU" that you have to look at every day (your son's hair); and that is gonna be hard to live with cause you probably aren't gonna get over it that easily.
Good luck.
I'd be livid Saiid if my wife pulled a similar stunt with my daughter. But, it's not about the haircut. My first reaction is to shave it the rest of the way and show her two can play that way, but that would be tit for tat using your child as the weapon. What she did was not right, and you need to call her out on it. It was immature to use her OWN CHILD as a weapon to get at you. "What he wanted" is not an excuse and is abdicating her responsiblity as a parent. And saying it to her THAT way may get her to listen the most. She's not 16 any more and does not get to have hissy fits; she's an adult with a child and she needs to start acting like one.
Regardless, she needs to tell you what the hell her problem is with you. IF she's mad at you, then shave YOUR head when you are asleep, but leave YOUR CHILD out of it. She can say that crap about carrying him for 9 months, but it took both of you to make that child, and neither of you gets to operate in a vacuum when it comes to your child. Ask her how you could have compromised in the future.
What she's done now is created a 4 month "FU" that you have to look at every day (your son's hair); and that is gonna be hard to live with cause you probably aren't gonna get over it that easily.
Good luck.
Saiid, lighten up Bro.
When I was a kid, I looked like an absolute dork, because I would not listen to my parents. You get three kinds of people, those who listen and learn, those who listen but don't learn and those who learn by peeing on the electric wire. I was the latter, but hey I grew up eventually.
We are not ink (tatoo) people, older generation I guess, but all my kids have them and you know what, they all finished their college degrees, have good jobs and are happy as well as successful today.
You think this is a challenge, wait until they get to 16 years old.
Like Don use to say. "You judge the size of a man, by the size of the things that upsets him."
By the way, if you are reading this, you are wasting valuable riding time, your Busa misses you.
When I was a kid, I looked like an absolute dork, because I would not listen to my parents. You get three kinds of people, those who listen and learn, those who listen but don't learn and those who learn by peeing on the electric wire. I was the latter, but hey I grew up eventually.
We are not ink (tatoo) people, older generation I guess, but all my kids have them and you know what, they all finished their college degrees, have good jobs and are happy as well as successful today.
You think this is a challenge, wait until they get to 16 years old.
Like Don use to say. "You judge the size of a man, by the size of the things that upsets him."
By the way, if you are reading this, you are wasting valuable riding time, your Busa misses you.
Re: So I'll leave it up to y'all. Am I right or wrong?
We were sitting in lawn chairs watching a kids soccer game. It wasn't like I issued an ultimatum with my finger in her face it was more like a statement that I wanted her to be clear on.
Yes I wrote it. There are times when no agreement can be made and when that happens it should be the man who makes the decision right or wrong. It's rare when we don't agree so dot think it's a regular thing. Without it like that what do you have? No decision and limbo? Somebody has to pull the trigger. Believe me there have been more times that she has gotten the final word. I do pick and choose my battles and this is one. My son , my prince. Don't forget she has our daughter to play with. Stop messing with ma bwoy dangit!
No my parents, his grandparents will never stop seeing him. They were just surprised and upset like me.
Something all of us don't hold is grudges. None of us stay mad for long.
We were sitting in lawn chairs watching a kids soccer game. It wasn't like I issued an ultimatum with my finger in her face it was more like a statement that I wanted her to be clear on.
Yes I wrote it. There are times when no agreement can be made and when that happens it should be the man who makes the decision right or wrong. It's rare when we don't agree so dot think it's a regular thing. Without it like that what do you have? No decision and limbo? Somebody has to pull the trigger. Believe me there have been more times that she has gotten the final word. I do pick and choose my battles and this is one. My son , my prince. Don't forget she has our daughter to play with. Stop messing with ma bwoy dangit!
No my parents, his grandparents will never stop seeing him. They were just surprised and upset like me.
Something all of us don't hold is grudges. None of us stay mad for long.
It's your responsiblity to raise your son into a man. She can baby him but she can't raise him to be a man. She should have taken your wishes into consideration. She should have deferred to your choice, as you should in issues relating to her daughter. If you are putting the food on the table, then it's kinda gotta be you to make the choice when it's a tough one, but you have to be careful how you present this because it can be a hot-button issue.
P.S. If she's like most women....wait about a week and a half or until you find the right time of the month to have this conversation she might be out of her psycho stage by then
I can tell with my wife when she's acting psycho...that it's that time...and it ticks her off even more when I remind her of it...
P.S. If she's like most women....wait about a week and a half or until you find the right time of the month to have this conversation she might be out of her psycho stage by then
I can tell with my wife when she's acting psycho...that it's that time...and it ticks her off even more when I remind her of it...
