Am I wrong or right

bdogg317

bdogg317

Registered
My middle son is going on 19. Graduated high school and is now doing nothing. He doesnt want to go to school and cant hold down a job. Today I returned home from a business trip and he has been into it with his mom all weekend. So today he was still cursing his mother and that I cant and wont have. So I ended up putting him out after he thought he was going to try me; and I had to show him who was running things in this house. Then I threw him and his close out my house. I kind of feel bad but I cant have my kids talking crazy to there mother; and not following the :rulez:. Was I wrong?
 
you do what you gotta do.... odds are he has been taken care of his entire life and now it is time to learn "life is not just handed to you" .. There was probably some breakdown a long time ago that he felt he was "owed" something.. Sorry it got to this point.. never pretty but this did not just start a year or 2 ago..

Good luck with it and FWIW.. I think you likely did the right thing.. hope mom is behind you too... hard love better late than never..
 
Sounds like this was coming for sometime and the situation boiled over.
Time for him to stand on his own two feet. It is your home and disrespecting his mother, and you is not acceptable. Problem now is worrying how he will get along.

good luck it is a very hard situation to deal with.
It will be up to him to come back and ask for another chance. He needs to apologize and sit down and work out a plan for his future.
If not he will own the house and you.
Military sounds like a possibility for him.
 
He will turn to a much worse life. JMHO He will seek attention which could consist of a lot of bad things. I really dont have a solution for you, but I dont think this will make him any better...
 
You did the right thing. I went through something like this with my father when I was 17. I thought I knew everything. My dad and I have a very good relationship now, wish I would have listened to him when I was that age.
 
brendanp said:
He will turn to a much worse life. JMHO He will seek attention which could consist of a lot of bad things. I really dont have a solution for you, but I dont think this will make him any better...
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that is what im worried about. He is actually a good kid he just started going down hill his last year of high school. But I refuse to let him think he is going to run my house hold either.
 
bdogg317 said:
that is what im worried about. He is actually a good kid he just started going down hill his last year of high school. But I refuse to let him think he is going to run my house hold either.
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You should be worried about it! He is seeking attention! Obviously (and dont take this the wrong way) he is not getting it at home. And when I say "attention", I'm talking about love and affection. If he really felt loved at home, he would not be disrespectful to his mother or any of his family.

Again, this is just my educated opinion from my experiences and learning curves of my 44 yrs. of life.
 
brendanp said:
You should be worried about it! He is seeking attention! Obviously (and dont take this the wrong way) he is not getting it at home. And when I say "attention", I'm talking about love and affection. If he really felt loved at home, he would not be disrespectful to his mother or any of his family.

Again, this is just my educated opinion from my experiences and learning curves of my 44 yrs. of life.
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I think at 19 he should be over this stage of life.... if he was 15 it might feel different to me.. (3 kids all 20 somethings and 2 grand kids here)
 
Mr Bogus said:
I think at 19 he should be over this stage of life.... if he was 15 it might feel different to me.. (3 kids all 20 somethings and 2 grand kids here)
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Ooh really Randy? So at your age, are you telling me that you dont need love? Everyone needs to feel loved and if you aren't getting it, you will either rebel, or find it elsewhere. It's pretty simple.
 
brendanp said:
Ooh really Randy? So at your age, are you telling me that you dont need love? Everyone needs to feel loved and if you aren't getting it, you will either rebel, or find it elsewhere. It's pretty simple.
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Maybe he's already getting love from the wrong people and that's why he rebelled?

Don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I bet now he knows how good he had it.
 
brendanp said:
Ooh really Randy? So at your age, are you telling me that you dont need love? Everyone needs to feel loved and if you aren't getting it, you will either rebel, or find it elsewhere. It's pretty simple.
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no not really the point.. the point being he is at home under someone elses rule and he is debasing mom like she is a bag that does laundry and cooks..

At 19 he should understand he is in YOUR home and that SHE is your wife and deserves the utmost respect.. At 19 your need to be "coddled" is over ruled by the disrespect given "mom" is all Iat least IMO)

He wants to rule his world, he needs to create his own....

I think the love he may need is "hard love" (as I stated earlier, better late than never)

but hey, none of us is there to see the situation, I can only use my own kids as a reference point and they would never consider calling mom names or giving her a bad time.. fear? respect? beats me but it never happened..

really ought to be a book on how to deal with kids from cradle to grave (and he would be looking at the latter in my home :))
 
Well speaking from experience (Im 21 and was recently booted from the house for different reasons and quickly asked back) this will most likely NOT help. Just gives him a reason to be mad at you and bitter. Sit him down and talk. Let him know that no one goes anywhere without college AND/OR military and RESPECT will only bring him positive things.. Im never for kicking a kid out on their ass before everything with them first and seeing if you can fix things
 
The failure occurred a long time ago.
Time for him to sink or swim. The ARMY will snap him up in a jiffy.
 
Projekt said:
The failure occurred a long time ago.
Time for him to sink or swim. The ARMY will snap him up in a jiffy.
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I do certainly agree that some bootcamp will show him respect and teach him dicipline. He will come back a man!
This is a much better option
 
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