My new Comic series





#1
Your opinion please. Could you see this in print?
Following is act 1. Please do not propagate or reproduce this. Copyright protection applies.

Konduit
“Transceiver:
Act 1
Dr. M: Mrs. Garcia, congratulations on your baby’s healthy entry into this God’s earth.

Ms. Garcia: ( It is Ms. His daddy left after a couple of weeks into the pregnancy. Who are you? You’re not my regular Doc... Where is Dr Weaver?...)

Dr. M: [as if not hearing her] I do have some questions to ask of you though regarding some abnormalities that we have discovered in your son’s physiology.

(What sort of abnormalities?)

Larger than normal mineral deposits in you son’s superior sinus.

(What? Pardon?)

Have you ever lived for extended periods near High Tension power lines?

(Well uhm I do feel tense a lot because of the bills and groceries?)

Ma’am what I mean to ask is: Is your house near the big electric lines? The really tall ones?

(Oh, I’m sorry, yes, we are right below them.)

What kind of cookware do you typically use?

(I use the plastic and wooden stirrers and spatulas and the old Iron Skillets and shiny pots that I got at the local Second hand shop. Paid five dollars for everything I needed.)

Do you typically eat large quantities of meat from saltwater fish?

( Yes, actually we do eat a lot of Tuna and Cod and... sometimes we are lucky and manage to get some shark and whiting. I don’t know if it is really a shark, you know, like jaws and all, but it sure does cook up nice and tasty...)

What does your typical diet consist of? Please --- be explicit.

(I am not on a diet Mister...and I am a godfearing woman also, I would not want to offend the presence of the lord by using vulgarities..)

Allow me to re-phrase: What foods do you eat everyday...

(Multi vitamin tablets, the Atozinc [Dr. M: Do you mean “A_TO_ZINCâ€] ones on the TV they have Magnesium and essential daily values,
High protein, low starch or starchy vegetables gotta keep this girlish figure, lots and lots of green leafy vegetables, we eat beans and lentils everyday, and we get wild mushrooms from the woods near the house, I would say we try to stay organic, and grapes but only organic I don’t know about you but I remember that every living thing is organic so why do they say that)

Grapes? Really, what kind do you buy and where?

(Cunningham seedless)

Oh good very good those are non-pesticide organic (makes following note [ Cunningham are grown on land known to have heavy metal deposits in the topsoil]).

I see, this is very interesting...

(What?)

Oh nothing.... Actually there is something... Would you be interested in participating in a research projekt? Something myself and the fellows at Stanford research are working on for the Department of Health.

(Oh)

Yes, actually it is nothing really, not much merit to it, but we did manage to get a research grant from the federal government for biological studies on Contemporary Homo Sapiens... errhh uhm People.

(Yes, well I am weary of the government you know, I am not gay and, I just pay my taxes and exercise my petty right to vote in this so-called democracy... Otherwise I like to believe that I am not some guinea pig in the Government’s laboratory)

Well then I uhm, understand... (Writes something and checks boxes on questionnaire.)

Good luck and Godspeed with your boy. I am certain he will have an interesting future (Oh, how’s that?)

Nothing, I can just see that he is special...
 
#4
(gat0r @ Sep. 20 2006,17:16) i wuld have to read more or see pics
Still developing it.... Not sure if you get the jist... It is the beginning of the series. I know it needs development and it may be too much text so I am looking to refine it.
But here is act 2 in any case...

Scouting for the Transceiver:
Act 2. “John Ritter[introduction]â€￾

Alex: (while levitating a “Rubiks cubeâ€￾) Mommy, there is a g-man at the door. (Faces towards closed door but sees a purple neon silhouette through his eyelids [latent image] )

Mom: answers the door asking her son... “How’d you know there is a ‘G-man’ at the door.â€￾

(The man at the door produces a badge identifying himself as John Ritter from the Dept. of health and human services.)

G-man: Hello I’m John Ritter. Ma’am I am from Health and Human services and I’m conducting a survey of the residents in this area for a government sponsored program to evaluate...

Mom: Well hello Mr. G-man... Were are not interested in the survey. We like our privacy. Thank you.. Good Day to you.

G-man: Ma’am, it is a well compensated program for participating. (He communicates with the boy telepathically... Testing... probing... searching but finds a wall where he needs to see more)

Mom: Well, well, then ahem... a chance to get some of my tax money back, well who’d a thunk it.. Gee willakers come on in.

Alex: He is here about me mom... He wants to study me..

Mom: Boy hush up and go use that ATARI2600 I bought for you...

Alex: It doesn’t work...

G-Man: Actually, ma’am I am here to evaluate child having households for the effects of the high tension wire running next to your home.
Have you or you son experienced any adverse health problems such as nose bleeds, head ache or sinus inflammation in the period of your residence here?

Mom: He gets them everyday but the company pediatrician says it’s nothing. He said, because as long as he is energetic that means he isn’t aeenemek (mispronouncing anemic) or something like that.

G-man: You mean “anemicâ€￾ please elaborate...

Mom: Huh?

G-man: Tell me more.

Mom: Oh. Well he plays alone a lot... Frankly, I worry, but he seems happy. I think the neighborhood kids think he’s sick because of the nosebleeds...

G-man: Yes... I see. (Raises an eyebrow and makes notes)

Mom: You see, every so often in the past he’d be over at a friend’s house and the fuses would blow out.. They wouldn’t be able to reset them until my boy came home.. So, I think that they blame him.
I don’t let him out after dark unless I drive him there... (mom owns a 65 ford falcon)

G-man: (Notices car makes notes).. Is that a ‘65 Falcon... All original? Why not after dark?

Mom: Yes, actually, it seems like it is the most dependable car I have ever owned.. All my newer cars kept having computer failures.. Oh and as for the boy.. Seems like the power fails on the streetlights whenever we go for a walk.

G-man: Oh. How’s that?

Mom: Bad luck I guess. I don’t make much money so I need a good car to take me to work at the power plant.. Mechanic told me that it is the nicest straight six with points ignition that he’s ever had the pleasure of servicing.

G-man: Actually, I meant to ask about the street lights...

Mom: Oh, sorry, don’t know what it is but we used to go for walks in the evening and the streetlamps would fail. At first it was just one or two when he was in the stroller but later on the whole city block’s lamps would black out. Really got spooky after a while. Now we only go down near the harbor to the “Gas Lampâ€￾ district. Those lights never fail during our walk.

G-man: Well then, I am just about out of time.. (Makes frenzied notes and departs)

Alex: Mom, the man will be back tomorrow at 9:11AM.

Mom: How do you know..

Alex: He told me..

Mom: Shrugs and says “Okie Dokieâ€￾ I work the late shift anyway so you’ll be seeing gramma tomorrow.

Alex: I know that mom. You don’t have to say it.

Mom: Boy c,,, co...(interrupted)

Alex: (in a funny kiddy feminine voice) “Come give your mom a key-iss... You little know it all.â€￾
 

HayaVegas

Donating Member
Registered
#9
I think you should seek training if you are serious.

The above work requires many things that only training can help correct. Your enthusiasm is commendable, and your willingness and confidence to share it here is great. I applaud your passion.

However, you should give the art of writing its due respect, and learn how to do it right by seeking training. That is the only way.
 
#11
(HayaVegas @ Sep. 21 2006,20:53) I think you should seek training if you are serious.

The above work requires many things that only training can help correct.  Your enthusiasm is commendable, and your willingness and confidence to share it here is great.  I applaud your passion.

However, you should give the art of writing its due respect, and learn how to do it right by seeking training.  That is the only way.
Yes... Good point..
I don't have formal training in Comic writing...
These are just the preliminary ideas and general storyline being developed. I am working on the backstory for a bigger concept. SO yes it starts out slowly and lacks the minute details that many other published works have. Once you read more if you like you will see the depth of development that I have produced onto print.

Sure the format may not be correct and up to contemporary standards, but I am not looking for grammatically correct stuff. I am looking to share a story for "entertainment value only" of the willing reader.

As for the other's negative comments suchs as: "Keep your day job".
Why? I would rather let my balls hang and take a shot at this because I know I have the talent that is required for successful creative writing.
I would rather not be a slave to the grind of a 9-5.

Thanks Lamb and Vegas for the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism it is received with gracious humility.
 

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