ELOPING
A couple arrive home to their 5-bedroom house in a Surrey leafy suburb. Upon entering the house, they call out for their eldest daughter, whose 18th birthday it was that day.
The expected answer did not come, so the father went upstairs. He knocked and entered his daughter’s bedroom and saw a letter on her bed. With worst possible premonition, he read with trembling hands:
Dear Mum and Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you that I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. I’ve found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercing, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.
But it is not only that, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that is one of my dreams. I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends. They’re the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends make in their basement. Apparently, I can earn ₤ 50 a scene and I get a ₤50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra ₤ 100 if they use a horse.
Don’t worry Mum, now I’m 18 years old I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’ll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter
Aimee
P.S. Dad, it’s not true. I’m at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your Mercedes.
A couple arrive home to their 5-bedroom house in a Surrey leafy suburb. Upon entering the house, they call out for their eldest daughter, whose 18th birthday it was that day.
The expected answer did not come, so the father went upstairs. He knocked and entered his daughter’s bedroom and saw a letter on her bed. With worst possible premonition, he read with trembling hands:
Dear Mum and Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you that I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. I’ve found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercing, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.
But it is not only that, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that is one of my dreams. I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends. They’re the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends make in their basement. Apparently, I can earn ₤ 50 a scene and I get a ₤50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra ₤ 100 if they use a horse.
Don’t worry Mum, now I’m 18 years old I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’ll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter
Aimee
P.S. Dad, it’s not true. I’m at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your Mercedes.
