I got some serious problems today..

[JET-A]

Jinkster, I am there with you buddy. Had 3 police cars in my driveway after 911 got called tonight, due to an "altercation" between a 12 year old and her mother. Been there, done that. Got 2 kids out of the house..... 1 more to go.

Here is where I am going with this.....

1. You will be hearing that "a beer or two is nothing to worry about" fraom a particular 15 year old before too long.

2. It seem, most times, that the kids who always seem to fight with their parents are the ones who build the closest relationship once they have a few years under their own roof.

I am at the point now where I think I will be giving up a job most dream of having, just so I can stay home/leave home with my daughter to protect her from herself. I am hanging in there with you. Keep us updated on the direction things are taking.

You are in my thoughts.

Todd

 

[sledhead]

jink.....call me buddy.....952484-3050. We need to talk my old friend

 

[georgiabusa_05]

Bill, I hope things works out for you and your family. I can relate to your struggles, as you know I also have a 16 an 14 year old daughters. Anyway, prayers sent and take care my friend.

Tim

 

[proud dad]

I feel your pain on the kids.Raised 3 ,my youngest is 19 which in itself is a pain.When teenagers are caught on anything wrong,as in something big.They will always turn it on you some how.They will get other adults to back them with lies.The hardest thing someone may have to do is kick the parents out of the problem,they always make matters worse.Teenagers will get very defensive and say things to try and hurt you to make them look good,like they did nothing wrong.You can tell when they're wrong and lieing by their actions.Some teens can be hard to figure out,some react good to an iron fist[so to speak] others don't.But both mom and dad have to agree on punishment handed out.Cause if one lets it slide,that kid will know it and push all they can get and more.Like a snowball rolling down hill.
   As far as telling the wife screw it I want a devorce,done that myself after 20+ years of marriage.You will see right there if she was being totally stupid towards you about everything.[no I'm not calling your wife stupid]You will see then where she stands.Sounds to me she doen't want a devorce,trying to make home back to normal,this day.The worse thing that can happen is someone influencing family in the same household in a negative maner.People outside the home [friends and family] need not to butt their nose in,it will make matters worse.I think man and wife have to both push that issue.
   Goodluck man hope things turn out ok.Said a prayer for you and family.Very sorry to hear.

   If a teen see's bitterness and disagreement between parents,they will loose respect on what either parent has to say,even when the teen is in the wrong.They WILL think why in the he11 should I listen to you.Parent's have to stand together to make it work.

 

[VaBusa]

Whew, what a mess...I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now Jinks, but I do hope that down the road your daughter will realize how immature she's being and how the low blows only make her feel good in that one moment, but the pain she inflicts will last a lifetime.  My sister was like that and caused our family to spiral downward for years while she "found herself"...she tore my parents apart, she hated me and was suicidal...it was a rough go for about 4 years, but AFTER she finally grew up and realized what it's like in the real world and how making it on your own without Dad to catch you when you fall isn't as easy as she thought, she did the unbelievable and APOLOGIZED to each one of us for her behavior.  It didn't take away all the pain and frustration we lived with for years, but it was nice to know she finally GOT IT...

As for your wife...she does love you and before you allow the guys here to just bash the hell out of her for doing so, let me just clue you in to how women work.  We don't like being lied to...we don't like being coddled and patronized.  We like honesty and it's the one thing a lot of us don't get because the guys don't want to hear the nagging, the opinions, nor the worry from their wives.  Husbands figure the less you share, the easier it is on yourself, and you're right, until the other shoe drops and you end up in the position you're in now.  

You should have confided in her a long time ago about the fact that you enjoy the occassional beer and let her know that it's not some deep dark secret.  It's the secrets that kill a marriage, even if you think it's a harmless one.  I'm not saying you coming out to her years ago and being open would have made things easier because everyone reacts differently, but it's tough for any spouse to suddenly find out you sort of have a secret life that the person closest to you didn't know about.  I don't think you've done anything wrong; you're a grown man and you can do what you will, if you know your limits and keep in check your past problems, there's no reason why you can't do your own thing, but the wife is dealing with what she feels is betrayal at the moment...doesn't matter if it's over drinking a beer, or smoking when she thought you didn't, meeting up for lunch with an old flame or hiding a porn collection, it's all secret crap that eats away at a gal.  I am not one for watching a man grovel, much to my dismay

but I do think just sitting down with her and apologizing for not telling her all of this sooner is in order if you haven't already...don't follow it up with excuses; you simply shouldn't have tried to hide it from her, but you knew given your past, it wouldn't go over very well...it still may have been easier than her finding out now, at least I think so...

Just my $.02...I do hope your live levels out soon because living with that level of stress isn't healthy for anyone...you're in my thoughts

 

[LA Busa]

I was there and I never saw Jinks drink a thing. It was me and Yamahor that did all the drinking. Or was it me and someone else?
Ok, it was me and that Harley dude from New York that drank..... and Yamahor was groping people, mostly men.... like Jinks.....Geez, no wonder we call it a "Bash"...

Never mind, just hang in there Bill, be steady and they'll come round.

 

[Rayabusa0818]

(YH2K @ Jul. 10 2007,13:36) I was there and I never saw Jinks drink a thing. It was me and Yamahor that did all the drinking. Or was it me and someone else?
Ok, it was me and that Harley dude from New York that drank..... and Yamahor was groping people, mostly men.... like Jinks.....Geez, no wonder we call it a "Bash"...

Never mind, just hang in there Bill, be steady and they'll come round.

Let's see...didn't Alabama and Arkansas play football that day...yea, I believe you and I may have had a beer or three

SORRY JINKS...

 

[JINKSTER]

Well folks?...ya'll need to pray harder cause things ain't going none to good...my wifes attempting to make a power play of the entire ordeal and my familys fear based opinions of me from 30 freaking years ago ain't helping matters much...thay are assasinating my character as i attempt to carry the last authoritarian torch that keeps my families values and morals lit...it might just be me and god from here on out...the heartbreaker is this...if i leave?...i give them 3 months tops before my daughters completely run my wife over and turn my broken home into teens gone wild...and this time?...if it ends in divorce?...i will be waiving goodbye to them all...forever and for good...because i just can't take the ignorance, betrayal and insanity of it all anymore...so please....pray harder and?...

Forgive them father..for they know not what they do...L8R, Bill.

 

[DREW]

hang in there Bill. not an uncommon situation. Kids can be so devious, I hope your wife figures this out before she allows lies and deceit of the kids to destroy your marriage. been their myself and ended in divorce. The wife finally got it years later, too late. I didnt care anymore. Havent seen my kid in 11 years. It happens dude. In my case i think its best this way. Sad to say. marriage means supporting each other. When its all one sided wheres the marriage ? Good Luck Man.

 

[Lucky34]

First of all, I'd like to say I'm still young and stupid... I'm a 20 year old college student who's never been married and never had kids (I hope!). But one thing I know is that you should never threaten with a divorce because that means "my way or the highway". You have to think of you and your wife as a team on this. If you really have been clean for all those years and drinking or smoking has never created problems for your work or your family (other than them bringing it up right now) then tell your wife that. Tell her you haven't fugged up from this and that you will be honest with her whenever your are going to have a beer or smoke anything and that if she thinks its inapropriate at the time, then you'll let her make the call. Hopefully this will put out that fire a little bit for now and allow you to concentrate on your daughters which should be the #1 priority. Tell your wife that you love her and that nobody is perfect. Tell her that the two of you are together on this and you are open to suggestions from her on what to do about your daughters. And LISTEN!!! I know how hard it is to listen to someone when they are criticizing you but let her finish and don't let your temper get the best of you. Ask her for a suggestion and try it no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Right now your wife needs to be your ally, so ask her for help. Once you are in the same team as your wife things will look better. Also.. .VERY IMPORTANT... I know how stressful the situation is for you right now, but make sure that you DO NOT drink or smoke or take any drugs WHATSOEVER for the time being... It will be tempting... but make sure you dont do it... there's a HUGE difference between having a beer with your friends and drinking to drown your problems. MAKE SURE YOU STAY CLEAN FOR THE TIME BEING! and talk to your wife when you are calm... sit down with her and CALMLY ask her to help you. Afterall the things that you are doing now you are doing to try and help your daughter. Let her know that if drinking IS a problem you can work on it later, but right now you will stay 100% sober until you AND your wife figure out what to do with your daughter... As for extended family (anyone that doesn't live in your house), fug em. I volunteered at the Crisis Center for about a year and the technique we use is paraphrasing... use that to your advantage! It will save you TONS of fights. Example: you parents say something about your drinking.. You say, "Yes, I know my drinking has been a problem and I promise I will try my best to fix it." How can they argue with that? After two or three paraphrases like that they will feel like you guys are on the same side and that they have helped you become a better person... trust me.. try it... it works... I've taken calls from people b!tching at the top of their lungs about what a sh!tty service we offer and how we aren't helpful at all and after I reply, yes, you're right, you feel like our services arent helpful to you, then they find themselves agreeing with me... and boom.. I just turned a nasty call into someone who now thinks that I know where they're coming from and that I understand how they are feeling...
Anyway... I hope this helps. Prayers sent!

 

[Lucky34]

First of all, I'd like to say I'm still young and stupid... I'm a 20 year old college student who's never been married and never had kids (I hope!). But one thing I know is that you should never threaten with a divorce because that means "my way or the highway". You have to think of you and your wife as a team on this. If you really have been clean for all those years and drinking or smoking has never created problems for your work or your family (other than them bringing it up right now) then tell your wife that. Tell her you haven't fugged up from this and that you will be honest with her whenever your are going to have a beer or smoke anything and that if she thinks its inapropriate at the time, then you'll let her make the call. Hopefully this will put out that fire a little bit for now and allow you to concentrate on your daughters which should be the #1 priority. Tell your wife that you love her and that nobody is perfect. Tell her that the two of you are together on this and you are open to suggestions from her on what to do about your daughters. And LISTEN!!! I know how hard it is to listen to someone when they are criticizing you but let her finish and don't let your temper get the best of you. Ask her for a suggestion and try it no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Right now your wife needs to be your ally, so ask her for help. Once you are in the same team as your wife things will look better. Also.. .VERY IMPORTANT... I know how stressful the situation is for you right now, but make sure that you DO NOT drink or smoke or take any drugs WHATSOEVER for the time being... It will be tempting... but make sure you dont do it... there's a HUGE difference between having a beer with your friends and drinking to drown your problems. MAKE SURE YOU STAY CLEAN FOR THE TIME BEING! and talk to your wife when you are calm... sit down with her and CALMLY ask her to help you. Afterall the things that you are doing now you are doing to try and help your daughter. Let her know that if drinking IS a problem you can work on it later, but right now you will stay 100% sober until you AND your wife figure out what to do with your daughter... As for extended family (anyone that doesn't live in your house), fug em. I volunteered at the Crisis Center for about a year and the technique we use is paraphrasing... use that to your advantage! It will save you TONS of fights. Example: you parents say something about your drinking.. You say, "Yes, I know my drinking has been a problem and I promise I will try my best to fix it." How can they argue with that? After two or three paraphrases like that they will feel like you guys are on the same side and that they have helped you become a better person... trust me.. try it... it works... I've taken calls from people b!tching at the top of their lungs about what a sh!tty service we offer and how we aren't helpful at all and after I reply, yes, you're right, you feel like our services arent helpful to you, then they find themselves agreeing with me... and boom.. I just turned a nasty call into someone who now thinks that I know where they're coming from and that I understand how they are feeling...
Anyway... I hope this helps. Prayers sent!

 

[Spudley]

(JINKSTER @ Jul. 09 2007,15:02)

(Spudley @ Jul. 08 2007,23:22) Bill,

I hate to be the buzz-kill and all, but I'm pressed to ask the question, "Were ya drinkin' at the bash or was this a photo opportunity thing

............."

You don't have to answer this publicly..........

"To thine own self be true" Bruddah............

uhmmm...have you ever been to a busa bash?...90% of the people there knock a few back..."AFTER"....the sun goes down....the bikes are parked and we're sitting around the campfire swapping jokes, lies and laughing...but trust me...NOBODY wants to be hung-over the following mornings so...we don't get too gawd aweful carried away with ourselves...well?...maybe a little...but usually on the last night!

L8R, Bill.

All I'm saying is that if you're "MY" breed of animal.........."One's too many, and a thousand is never enough" Nuff' said..........I'd be drinkin' Dr. Pepper and staying away from the smoke.......talking HP and shootin' the proverbial shid........

That's all........best of luck on this and plenty of "Prayer Power To Ya !!"

 

[BusaBret]

My thoughts are with you and yours. Hope this turns around and works out for all involved. The offers still stands!!!!

 

[nitrousjunkie]

Anything I can do Bill?

 

[PocketRocket]

JINKs , This too shall pass!!!!!!!! Man I have been thru some serious s*** and alwauys wondered How the H*** am I goingg to get outa this ******** And It always works itself out.. ..Keep the faith Bro.!!!!!!!!!

You'll be just fine!!! Dont let the situation control you, YOU control IT!!!!

 

[JINKSTER]

(nitrousjunkie @ Jul. 13 2007,11:43) Anything I can do Bill?  

yeah..

1. "Prayers"

2. The Name Of A Good Lawyer...in my area...that specializes in divorce.

and in that order....

I've had nearly a week to mull things over....time and again...through and through....a thousand times over a day.....and have come to some of the following conclusions...

1. My wifes and I's marriage (much to my disagreement and dismay) had been squarely placed on the backburner years ago...a back burner who's fire died out as 110% of our own indiviual attentions, energy and efforts wound up focused soley on raising our children...and we've both been doing the "maintaing it for our kids" thing for the past couple years...and even that dosen't seem to be enough..parenting has consumed us both...and i was the last true parent standing (until this last weekends events) doing the best i could to keep them in line while my wife chose to be their friend rather than their mother...like she's re-living the childhood (she never had) with and through them...couple that along with some sharp teenage daughters who know how to manipulate people and when to turn on the charm or?...drama and theatrics...too my disfunctional parents who are their grandparents...the same ones that raised me as an only child with a strap on the refridgerator who now always feel that i'm to strict with my daughters....whist i pull double-duty as a parent because my wife won't parent/discipline them at all?....she's their buddy?...wtf?

2. I have maybe 6 close friends at work...that i trusted to share with....1 of'em almost cried for me...5 of the 6 told me to get the he11 outta there....that i've lost control that i'll never regain over raising my own kids....that i'm wasting my time...there's nothing more i can do..and that now?...i myself am in harms way far more than my children have ever been...by my own...leave them...immediately....1 of the 6 says stay for the 9 year old...i'm currently torn between the two..but i know a lot of what the 5 speak is true...there's nothing more i can do..i've been reduced to a toothless tiger dad...and if i stay?...now being treated as a second class citizen in my own home?...it'll only be a tortutous short while before i won't be able to take that sort of treatment as i stand idlly by watching my daughters control my house and watch my family go down the tubes..i'll eventually blow...and i know that.

3. Plan "B": is already being strategized...a couple buds of mine at work were joking that now?..if the shid goes down?...the three of us could pitch in and rent a kickazz oceanfront condo for ourselves....and with the $600 myhly for self-repoing my Titan Truck and the $400 monthly that i'd save by not taking my family out every saturday night for "Family Night Dinner Out"....that's a grand a month...and that oceanfront condo thing is looking real good...imagine that?...I'll be 49 next week with a hayabusa and an oceanfront condo...and two HD riding, wild party room-mates!

but damn would i miss my rachel....no amount of booze could kill that pain.

4. With my daughters running the show and over the parents?...there ain't much that me staying could do for rachel anyways...her devious, cunning and out of control sisters will train her well...wether i'm here or not...and that last part is the part that's killing me.

sorry ta bend ya'lls eyes so much and...L8R,

A Torn Bill.

 

[proud dad]

sorry Bill...I hate to here familiy's break apart...My hat's off to you for hanging on as long as you can for the kids....prayer said.

 

[SAMBUSA]

Just my .02

Bring the wifey some flowers and suggest counseling for all the whole family. You wouldn't believe how much counseling can help. Me and the wifey were seperated for about a year because I was a jackazz.(Alcohol played a large role) We decided to give it another try, but it wasn't workin out so well. Went to counseling and slowly we rebuilt our friendship and marriage.
Prayers sent for you and your family

 

[Fate]

Man, that whole situation sucks.... I am sure leaving will be hard but may save your sanity. Like you said, sounds like your household will go in the shi4er once you leave. What is your daughters take on the concept that she is contributing to the destruction of your marriage?

 

[JINKSTER]

(Fate @ Jul. 14 2007,06:58) Man, that whole situation sucks.... I am sure leaving will be hard but may save your sanity. Like you said, sounds like your household will go in the shi4er once you leave. What is your daughters take on the concept that she is contributing to the destruction of your marriage?

"Man, that whole situation sucks.... I am sure leaving will be hard but may save your sanity. Like you said, sounds like your household will go in the shi4er once you leave."

yep...retaining any sanity is gonna be tough though cause it'll be a heartbreaker either way...already is...feel like i'm in he11...keep pinch'in myself hoping i'll wake from this twilight zone like nightmare.

"What is your daughters take on the concept that she is contributing to the destruction of your marriage?"

My 9 year old will cry if i leave...as it is?...she's nervous...she'll get caught up playing in her bedroom or yard and then run into the livingroom in a panic to peek and check to make sure i'm still here.

My 14 and almost 16 year olds....a different story...i think the 14 year old has mixed emotions about the whole thing and is being influenced by her older sister telling her how great things would be without dad around...but i still believe she could go either way...but the almost 16 year old?..she'd throw a freaking party if i left..knowing that she'd be left having full control of the house.

sux...L8R, Bill.