History Lesson...sort of like corporations
History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans
existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the winter and would go to the
coast to live on fish and lobster in the summer.
The two most important events in all of history
were the invention of beer and the invention of the
wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundations of modern
civilization, and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and
that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the
glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking
beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the liberal movement. Some of these
liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as 'girleymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat
and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal
on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note:
most of their women have higher testosterone levels
than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
soldiers, athletes, and generally, anyone who works
productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide what to do with
the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West
was tame and created a business of trying to get
MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans
existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the winter and would go to the
coast to live on fish and lobster in the summer.
The two most important events in all of history
were the invention of beer and the invention of the
wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundations of modern
civilization, and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and
that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the
glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking
beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the liberal movement. Some of these
liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as 'girleymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat
and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal
on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note:
most of their women have higher testosterone levels
than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
soldiers, athletes, and generally, anyone who works
productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide what to do with
the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West
was tame and created a business of trying to get
MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
