Fatherhood

busaJUNKEE

Registered
well i recently found out a girl i had relations with is now preganant. Im really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. The problem is that im 25 and shes 19, well thats one of them. The other is i really like this other girl i been goin out with. Man i really hate myself right now. I dont wanna abort nuthin but then i dont wanna be with her either. can you guys give me some feedback here. it would be greatly appreciated...


ps....its all my fault i know...i shoulda never jumped without a parachute
down.gif
 

MoosesBusa

Former BusaHolic
Donating Member
Registered
Bro, This is a decision between you, the Mother to be and your God. A bunch of strangers on the Internet can give you Opinions until your eyes bleed from reading them but ultimately it boils down to the three of you.
 

unkleslapnutz

Donating Member
Registered
Bro, This is a decision between you, the Mother to be and your God. A bunch of strangers on the Internet can give you Opinions until your eyes bleed from reading them but ultimately it boils down to the three of you.
Best advice ever. But good luck in what ever you decide because either way isnt going to be a fun one.
 

thrasherfox

BUSA
Donating Member
Registered
My Experinace.

1) Make sure she really is pregnant... you have no idea out of the 44 years I have been on this planet how many times I have heard girls tell friends they were pregnant and it was theirs.. and they never were pregnant. I have had it happen to me a few times and the girl was never pregnant.. Sometimes girls really think they are because sometimes they get so stressed they will miss a few periods, then add on to that girls sometimes tend to eat more when they are stressed.. so stress can cause a girl to miss a few months AND gain wait.. and then they think they are pregnant.

And sometimes they know they are not, but they just want to put the guy through hell.

2) If she is pregnant, make sure it is yours.. if you two have been split up long enough where you are with someone else. how do you know it is yours..


If you detemine she really is pregnant, AND it is yours.. man up and take care of your repsonsabilities... If she wants to abort, support her, if she doesnt want to abort, support her. And if you are not married to someone else, sit down and think if you could make it work with the mother.


Oh and. and to add.. it is NOT all your fault.. she apparently consented so it is a 50/50 deal.. so dont be getting all down on yourself.. you are not the first guy in this canoe and I promies you that you wont be the last...

So yeah, you should have worn protection, but she could have been on birth control, she could have went down and got a morning after pill.. lots of things SHE could have done that you couldnt have done... so dont let ANYONE make you feel like it is all your fault and dont back down from that stance..



<!--EDIT|thrasherfox
Reason for Edit: None given...|1156036363 -->
 

Wag

Evil Demon Busa Rider
Donating Member
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1,000 percent support what Thrasherfox said. He hit the nail right on the head.

Whatever happens, best of luck to you.

--Wag--
 

jwcfbd

Administrator
Donating Member
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I don't know what to say but I agree with Trasherfox.

Oh and I moved this to Random Thoughts.
 

BigDiesel

Registered
all good advice so far-take it one step at a time and deal with the prospective mother first-sort out if she IS really pregnant, and then decide where the TWO of you are going from that point-if you wont be 'with' her, than try to work something out between the two of you and get it in writing then get it finalized in court.

as to your 'other' dilemma-i would keep the other woman out of the whole thing right now, to rocky n you dont really have all the info yet. Wait til you can separate fact from fiction, then work with the mom and THEN...talk to your woman about what is going on and how you are going to handle it. The right woman will be accepting of this, might not be the one you're with but you will find out when you break the news to her-just remember there's no rushing any of this...paternity tests and court stuff takes a long time, so no rush in "breaking the news" to your current girlfriend.

and Good Luck brother-i wore your shoes at 18 and 24...its tuff but you can get throught it, and be a better man for it.
 

busaJUNKEE

Registered
thrasher your the man......the only reason i posted this is, i asked my own friends and alot of them couldnt tell me crap. so i figured i post on here since many of you guys are fathers yourselves. once again thanks for the advice....damn i love this board....
 

chrisjp

GM of Haya's in the Hills
Donating Member
Registered
at that age...its truely a confuseing time...and way to many games being played....my only input is ...you have no choice....you are male...if this girl has the baby...the next step is confirming if you are the father...then (and the questions are only due to the "questionable" circumstances) if you are the father....then be a father...fight for your rights....parenthood is not 90/10 its 50/50 no matter how much you get the "i carried for 9 months...i pushed out of my blah blah blah"...take it from a father of 7...FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT....i almost told my wife to "loose" the last...she is 9 and she is my world and she is a hard core biker !!!!!!!
 

redkat05

Dear spring....... HURRY!
Donating Member
Registered
Brother........As some may remember, I dealt with this a few weeks ago. Not to be a d*ck but do you have physical(paper) proof she is indeed pregnant? I freaked about the fact that my ex might be pregnant until she failed to provide proof and the hospital said she was never there. Cover your ass n be sure. Then you'll have to contemplate what would be the "right" decision. Not what others on here(as loving and good intentioned as they may be) they're not you. Like Dennis said, its a decision between you and two others. I personally could not live with myself knowing a part of me was not allowed to be brought into this world. I wasn't ready a few weeks ago when my ex told me she was pregnant but I would've given my last breath to know that I did anything and everything to give that child the best chance at a good life I could.
Take some time, exclude everything else in life for a lil bit and search inside YOURSELF and decide what you wanna do. The right decision will come to you, not from others, not from some magic place..........but from deep within your soul, you will know what to do. Much peace to you brother and we'll be here for you!
 

Big Wall

Registered
My Experinace.

1) Make sure she really is pregnant... you have no idea out of the 44 years I have been on this planet how many times I have heard girls tell friends they were pregnant and it was theirs.. and they never were pregnant. I have had it happen to me a few times and the girl was never pregnant.. Sometimes girls really think they are because sometimes they get so stressed they will miss a few periods, then add on to that girls sometimes tend to eat more when they are stressed.. so stress can cause a girl to miss a few months AND gain wait.. and then they think they are pregnant.

And sometimes they know they are not, but they just want to put the guy through hell.

2) If she is pregnant, make sure it is yours.. if you two have been split up long enough where you are with someone else. how do you know it is yours..


If you detemine she really is pregnant, AND it is yours.. man up and take care of your repsonsabilities... If she wants to abort, support her, if she doesnt want to abort, support her. And if you are not married to someone else, sit down and think if you could make it work with the mother.


Oh and. and to add.. it is NOT all your fault.. she apparently consented so it is a 50/50 deal.. so dont be getting all down on yourself.. you are not the first guy in this canoe and I promies you that you wont be the last...

So yeah, you should have worn protection, but she could have been on birth control, she could have went down and got a morning after pill.. lots of things SHE could have done that you couldnt have done... so dont let ANYONE make you feel like it is all your fault and dont back down from that stance..
Damn straight! Good advice!
 

CAT3

Donating Member
Registered
Agree with Thrasher on it, just dont even think about marrying her. If you left her for whatever reason, think about that and its NEVER a good idea to "get" or "stay together for the kid('s)." Its better to be raised in two happy homes than one miserable one.
Relax: clear your mind of all the other BS.
Confirm: she IS pregnant and then it is YOURS.
Inform: your present GF and family, only after confirming it IS and YOURS.
Decide: what YOU want to do about it! Its your life, obviously no will argue that you need to at a minimum man-up and support YOUR child, but to what extent? How far are you willing to take the role of being a father? Are ready for mom to pull out every excuse why you shouldn't see YOUR child when its visitation time? So much to think about, but nothing to jump the gun on, confirm first, then you have the information to make a sound decision. GL.
 

DAB

Registered
Does she want to keep it? If she doesn't, and you don't (and it's yours), how about putting it up for adoption? There's plenty of people out there who'd like kids but can't have their own for various reasons.
 

redkat05

Dear spring....... HURRY!
Donating Member
Registered
hey man, as i've learned in the few months i've been on here, these guys are like family and i truly mean that. Some of the best human beings on the planet,............and a few non humans on here too i think ;-)
 

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