Ok, well the fiance has 2 kids, a boy who is 4 and - a girl who is 6. We've been having serious behavior issues with them since...well ever since she can remember. Anyhow, things are getting worse, and Mom is thinking of not giving the Kids any Santa presents this year. Im not sure if I agree with this idea, but I see her point - as why reward bad behavior. Would really like some feedback from parrents on this one.
Santa Presents
- Thread starter MN72Busa
- Start date
My hubby and I talk about this a lot...we use the "Santa's watching you" threat pretty much as soon as Halloween rolls around, but I know we'll honestly never go through with canceling Christmas...I don't know of any parents that do...
It's a tough call...I mean, a 4 and 6 year old honestly wouldn't understand the "no gifts from Santa"...they're just too young.
What kinds of behavioral issues are you guys having with the kids, if I may pry?
It's a tough call...I mean, a 4 and 6 year old honestly wouldn't understand the "no gifts from Santa"...they're just too young.
What kinds of behavioral issues are you guys having with the kids, if I may pry?
Something along those lines worked for me when I was younger! I vaugely remember a Christmas when I only got one or two Santa presents...and a 'Santa Note' telling me that I hadn't been that good. (The note was to my sister, too.)
As a kid..that kinda stuff can have a good effect...consequently, I've been good ever since!
Seriously though, my folks told me that they had had it with our (my sis & I) behavior...so they tried that...it worked! They said we were much better behaved after that.
I wish you luck. I'm not saying that just cuz it worked on me that it'll work for you. Heck, that was almost 30 years ago...times have changed...
Good luck!
As a kid..that kinda stuff can have a good effect...consequently, I've been good ever since!
Seriously though, my folks told me that they had had it with our (my sis & I) behavior...so they tried that...it worked! They said we were much better behaved after that.
I wish you luck. I'm not saying that just cuz it worked on me that it'll work for you. Heck, that was almost 30 years ago...times have changed...
Good luck!
VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
I know it may not be the PC (politically correct) thing these days, but have you thought of a good ol' fashioned whooping? If done in a loving way it can be very effective. This coming from a person who has been the giver and the receiver.VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
BS
She has spanked them & doesnt seem to effect the kids. I have spanked the kids twice in 2 years - Figgure it is not my place, and sorta one of those grey areas since their not my kids & were not married. Also, her X-husband is a complete deadbeat / hasnt paid child support in over a year, has another kid with his new fiance, drug user, and looking for anything to make our lives more difficult. If he was to find out the kids were being spanked, the fiance fears we would be back in court agian for b.s issues -- so the spanking thing is sorta a double edged sword for us, but slaps on the rump with a hand as said before do little to no good & frankly bringon more disruptive behavior.
I have a friend who has very disruptive children. They finally resorted to a childrens therapist. It seems to be helping them and is covered under their insurance plan. I don't have children so I can't give any personal insight other than that. I hope you find a solution.
Okay, well, that's a lot more than just the normal stuff kids just do...ouch...VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
I don't know. I may change my mind on what I said earlier...perhaps something "shocking" to them will help. I worry it could also hurt too though, at such young ages...I have a 3 and 5 year old, and I see the way their minds work. They do something wrong, they suffer consequences, they don't always fully understand why something was taken away or what they did wrong even though we do our best to explain it...it's just tough with little ones.
Is the "father" a reason for their behavior? Like cursing? Is HE disrespectful toward animals, etc? It's odd behavior for small ones unless they've seen/heard it a lot first hand. Sounds like they've had some very bad influences because kids don't just generally do bad things like this unless they've seen the same from others around 'em. I have no idea what the situation with "Dad" is now, but if he's the main influence on them as far as being disrespectful, then they need to stay away from him, whatever that takes...
I say electro-shock therapy. If that doesn't work, then cancel Christmas!VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
Yah, this whole situation breaks my heart (and that pretty tuff to do). This whole situation has almost ruined our realationship. Honestly, as I type this the whole situation saddens me so much...I guess I need to reflect before I say more. SorryOkay, well, that's a lot more than just the normal stuff kids just do...ouch...VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
I don't know. I may change my mind on what I said earlier...perhaps something "shocking" to them will help. I worry it could also hurt too though, at such young ages...I have a 3 and 5 year old, and I see the way their minds work. They do something wrong, they suffer consequences, they don't always fully understand why something was taken away or what they did wrong even though we do our best to explain it...it's just tough with little ones.
Is the "father" a reason for their behavior? Like cursing? Is HE disrespectful toward animals, etc? It's odd behavior for small ones unless they've seen/heard it a lot first hand. Sounds like they've had some very bad influences because kids don't just generally do bad things like this unless they've seen the same from others around 'em. I have no idea what the situation with "Dad" is now, but if he's the main influence on them as far as being disrespectful, then they need to stay away from him, whatever that takes...
Having never been in your sitation, about the only thing that comes to mind is family counseling and getting those kids around nothing but POSITIVE influences...that won't be easy, I'm sure, but if "Dad" is a dead beat, why have the kids around him at all? Does he really care if he sees 'em or not?Yah, this whole situation breaks my heart (and that pretty tuff to do). This whole situation has almost ruined our realationship. Honestly, as I type this the whole situation saddens me so much...I guess I need to reflect before I say more. SorryOkay, well, that's a lot more than just the normal stuff kids just do...ouch...VaBusa,
Some pretty serious issues, but here are a few examples. First off the kids have absolutely no Respect for their mother...Complete lack of respect for anyone but themselves. They hit when angry, use swear words, defiant behavior, Locking the cats in a small barbie suitcase & locking them in the dog kennel (that was this summer, cats were in the suitcase for a few hours on a 100 degree day & when the cats were found they were sweating & we all know cats dont sweat) since than they have locked the cats / no suit case in the kennel 2 more times / last time being 3 weeks ago. Kids are put to bed at 7pm and still goofing off at 10 pm, 4 year old continually is found in mom's bed in the morning, 6 year old wets her bed everynight. When kids are on timeout for 5 or 10 minutes, they continually scream, get up, or yell at mother. I cant be there all the time but when I am the behavior is hardly present (the kids know Im not gonn put up with it). 4 year old has been know to throw rocks at his pre-school teachers van, and has some behavior issues while in class. The 6 year old does what she wants in 1st grade and doesnt do what the teacher instructs her to do.
I really feel bad for these kids, and mom is completely at a loss of what to do & because we both work, we hardly enough energy to deal with this everyday. Becomming better in some ways, but some of the behavior has got worse in others...without elaborating.
I don't know. I may change my mind on what I said earlier...perhaps something "shocking" to them will help. I worry it could also hurt too though, at such young ages...I have a 3 and 5 year old, and I see the way their minds work. They do something wrong, they suffer consequences, they don't always fully understand why something was taken away or what they did wrong even though we do our best to explain it...it's just tough with little ones.
Is the "father" a reason for their behavior? Like cursing? Is HE disrespectful toward animals, etc? It's odd behavior for small ones unless they've seen/heard it a lot first hand. Sounds like they've had some very bad influences because kids don't just generally do bad things like this unless they've seen the same from others around 'em. I have no idea what the situation with "Dad" is now, but if he's the main influence on them as far as being disrespectful, then they need to stay away from him, whatever that takes...
They need to be removed from what's making them act out in this way...
I feel for you...I really do...it's a tough situation, and doubly tough for you because you probably sometimes feel like an outsider. As partner to their Mom, you can surely be a positive force in their lives, right?
I wish I had some concrete answers for you...
BaybeBusa04
Registered
I am soooo sorry!!! But maybe a shock would help.
At our house Santa doesnt wrap his presents. But Mommy does. Limit what they get at Christmas, also make it KNOWN they arent from Santa. (leave a note or something from "him")
If you have extra gifts use them as rewards through the new year. bad behavior is punished good behavior is rewarded. It will take time, but stick to your guns and dont give in. Its easier to give in then to listen to them scream. Trust me I know!!
Good luck and Merry Christmas
At our house Santa doesnt wrap his presents. But Mommy does. Limit what they get at Christmas, also make it KNOWN they arent from Santa. (leave a note or something from "him")
If you have extra gifts use them as rewards through the new year. bad behavior is punished good behavior is rewarded. It will take time, but stick to your guns and dont give in. Its easier to give in then to listen to them scream. Trust me I know!!
Good luck and Merry Christmas
Wow, and I thought I had it bad. I have a 7 year old girl that suffers from adhd and depression. She cannot concentrate to save her life even with medication and she is physical with her 2 year old sister. I decided not to get her anything for christmas this year because of the lying and abuse to her sister. She has cut her sisters hair, cut her face, bitten her hands and left imprints and yet still expects everything. She is very loved and gets almost anything she wants, from her mother and not me because mom gives in. She is finally going to realize what it is like to not listen and do what she is told by not getting anything for the holidays. She thinks we are joking when we tell her that every time that she does something that she knows is wrong she will loose a gift and she is down to nothing now. We have tried the point system, removing activities and even stuff in her room but nothing works because she still gets rewarded later in the day. It does hurt not to get her anything but her behavior warrants it. Like everyone else said this is a tough call to make and it was very tough for my wife and I to come up with this ultimate decision. Good luck.
I'm not sure if it really matters Santa or no Santa. What I feel matters the most is that kids need consistency from adults. If you threaten no Santa, then be sure you mean it and follow up. Don't threaten time and time again hoping that the threat alone will suffice, only to give in at the end because you don't want to appear mean to your kids or peers. It's so tempting for us parents to threaten, but whatever you do, don't make idle threats. To do so only makes you a liar. They need to learn that there are consequences for behaviors in life. If they receive only occasional or intermitent praise for good behavior, it sends a confusing message to them. Likewise, if bad behavior is met with a scolding one time, or a spank another time, or with a passive response, they will never learn. Before my wife and I had kids, we vowed never do the counting method for discipline. "Johnny, you come inside right now! 1... 2... 3... Don't let me get to ten!" What does that teach anyway? The kid gets 10 chances until you're really serious? I'm far from a perfect parent or the supernanny, but I have learned that kids are masters of manipulation and much smarter than we give them credit for. Don't let tham play on your emotions, or try to pit you against each other by looking for individual cracks in your unified front. We have a family night once a week in our family where among others things (such as a lesson and family activity), we set ground rules for acceptible behavior in our family. When the behavior is exemplary, we bend over backwards to praise or otherwise note the good behavior. Likewise, when a rule is broken, there is no confusion over the rule or the punishment. Still, it is hard to follow through sometimes, especially when they look at you with tears in their eyes, pleading for you to change your mind. Remember, discipline with love and never forget the big picture and the larger lesson you are trying to teach. It may be hard to do the right thing at the time, but if you do, they'll thank you for it later.
Just my
Just my
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