bad subject!! child support!

[Zoro]

I pay $1600 per month for 2 kids i've never seen or have access to.
I have had the paternity test just to prove they are mine, they are twin boys apparently.
I live maybe 3000klm's away from them, i'm not 100% sure where they live. I was dating this chick that got pregnant, i hung around and said i would take care of her and the kids etc, as soon as the 3 months was up she basically said goodbye and took off with her ex boyfriend. I had pleaded with her not to go down this road but she said tuff luck see ya later. After all this went down i had found out that she had an abortion to this guy less than 2 months before i met her. Her parents had told her to have it as she was 17 at the time. I saw her in a club after she had the kids and asked her WTF was going on, did you really do this to me just to have kids? She agreed to it. It was a heated argument, we both said things we shouldn't have and she could have said it out of spite i'm not sure.
What it all boils down to is that all she wanted was to have kids, why? Because all her friends had kids and she felt left out. She was not allowed to see the guy she fell pregnant to originally because he is a tool and her parents would not let her, so she went out with me, fell pregnant (again) then once she was out of the "no abortion after this date" (3 month period) she up and left me. Much to her parents dissapointment as i'm sure they knew exactly what she was doing. Her dad came to me and tried to smooth things over saying "she doesn't know what she's doing, its hormones, its this, its that, she will be come good soon", bla bla bla...
Call it what you like but i call it entrapment.
Everyday i wake up and think about these kids, the thing that makes it easier to live with is that i have never met them. It eats me up inside everyday to know that these kids dont know who there real dad is. It is partly my fault for being too proud to go back there and search for them.
You have to realise that this all went down 13 years ago and my life has changed so much since then. I was 21 back then and now have a 2 year old daughter of my own, got married to a great women and I'm starting to love life again. It took a long time for me to get over this or to even trust a women again. I'm too proud to go and see someone about my problems as its just not done in my family. I think its an Aussie thing, not sure. Like i have said to my wife if these kids want to find me and meet me then they can come, i'll fly them up here to see me. Hell they can come and live with us if they want to, i would be gratefull for that to happen. At least then i could get to know them and they could get to know my life and my family.
Its a long hard road both mentally and financially and i believe the system is outdated and needs to be changed, to what i dont know.
Its a tough call, but thats life i suppose....
Thanks for listening.

 

[Jdog109socal]

Cheaper to keep her been there done that and finished.. Never again sorry you are going through that chit.

 

[Draco1340]

Child Support is gener based socialism. In my state you have 0% chance of custody

 

[Takeuon]

And I know some people are just saying deal with it. With what I've been doing the past 3 years. I know I have to pay. check this out..Since I've been laid off child support went down to $175 a month. I owe back child support cause the judge put me in the rears from the start. Even though I had them 50 50. so out of my check for the next 20 years they will be taking 25% of it. The max for them. so ive been paying the 175 plus they take out another 273 which goes to back child support. This is what gets me! So I have a few dollars $140 in my banking account to live on. They took me down to $0 twice. putting a hold on my funds which cost me 100 in bank fees the first time. second time I had 2 transactions that didnt go through cause they took me to 0. cost me $40 that time which the bank nicely overturned. This is fing bullcrap!

After moving half way across the States at my expense to be closer to my Daughter, and the child support I am currently paying along w/ 50% of daycare....I have nothing left at the end of the month. Nothing! It has become so bad for me I could no longer afford to pay my attorney who has now put in a motion to withdrawl for "non payment" And we haven't even gone to trial yet! When that happens in August, I can only imagine how my ass is going to get handed to me! The whole thing has made me bitter and angry in life as of late. I no longer see things the same and it makes me sick all the time. Depression has become my friend and my extrovert personality withers away each day as the "light at the end of the tunnel" slowly diminishes.

 

[Tdog]

After moving half way across the States at my expense to be closer to my Daughter, and the child support I am currently paying along w/ 50% of daycare....I have nothing left at the end of the month. Nothing! It has become so bad for me I could no longer afford to pay my attorney who has now put in a motion to withdrawl for "non payment" And we haven't even gone to trial yet! When that happens in August, I can only imagine how my ass is going to get handed to me! The whole thing has made me bitter and angry in life as of late. I no longer see things the same and it makes me sick all the time. Depression has become my friend and my extrovert personality withers away each day as the "light at the end of the tunnel" slowly diminishes.

Bro I've spent so much time falling down and getting up a brushing myself off it's become habit. All I can say is you can't let it eat at you and get you down. Find comfort in family and friends. Kinda makes you want to buy the biggest bag of skittles you can find and walk in that courtroom in August and start slinging them and say "taste the frickin rainbow"!

 

[Takeuon]

Bro I've spent so much time falling down and getting up a brushing myself off it's become habit. All I can say is you can't let it eat at you and get you down. Find comfort in family and friends. Kinda makes you want to buy the biggest bag of skittles you can find and walk in that courtroom in August and start slinging them and say "taste the frickin rainbow"!

 

[PocketRocket]

Its just a bent, corrupt system .. Every single part of it.. I dont think it any of the governments business what people and their family situation is.. That makes the Government God and thats communism ...

 

[darciedog1]

In Illinois child support laws seem stacked against the father. I have been paying $150.00 a week for the last sixteen years on my daughter. My company hasn't given us a pay raise in ten years. Last year we were laid off one week a month for six months and I couldn't get a reduction in support on those off weeks. The courts say just deal with it. What also sucks in those six months they would take us down to 32 hours a week down from 40 hours, but still had to pay her full support. I love my daughter very much but I can't wait for her to turn eighteen. Oh but I forgot, there is college then law school, then she will want to be a doctor. I guess I should remember the words the judge gave. Just deal with it.

 

[mr8ball]

I feel for you man. Back when I was paying mine, my x kept taking me to court for more and more. I was paying everything!! She would do anything to cost me money. The last day in court the judge ask her just what she is doing with all the money and she could not say. Well, he hit her with paying half of all the Dr bill that the Ins. did not cover and told her to start showing where everything was going and she never bothered me again. It always seems the man gets the shaft in things like this. The mother should be held accountable for things to. There are good mothers out their but a lot of them just want to take their ex's to the cleaners for spite. I think I would request another hearing and see if you cant get things adjusted. Its just wrong for you and I wish you the best. Try to talk with a lawyer and maybe HE can help. I really wish you the best in this matter.

 

[mr8ball]

I pay $1600 per month for 2 kids i've never seen or have access to.
I have had the paternity test just to prove they are mine, they are twin boys apparently.
I live maybe 3000klm's away from them, i'm not 100% sure where they live. I was dating this chick that got pregnant, i hung around and said i would take care of her and the kids etc, as soon as the 3 months was up she basically said goodbye and took off with her ex boyfriend. I had pleaded with her not to go down this road but she said tuff luck see ya later. After all this went down i had found out that she had an abortion to this guy less than 2 months before i met her. Her parents had told her to have it as she was 17 at the time. I saw her in a club after she had the kids and asked her WTF was going on, did you really do this to me just to have kids? She agreed to it. It was a heated argument, we both said things we shouldn't have and she could have said it out of spite i'm not sure.
What it all boils down to is that all she wanted was to have kids, why? Because all her friends had kids and she felt left out. She was not allowed to see the guy she fell pregnant to originally because he is a tool and her parents would not let her, so she went out with me, fell pregnant (again) then once she was out of the "no abortion after this date" (3 month period) she up and left me. Much to her parents dissapointment as i'm sure they knew exactly what she was doing. Her dad came to me and tried to smooth things over saying "she doesn't know what she's doing, its hormones, its this, its that, she will be come good soon", bla bla bla...
Call it what you like but i call it entrapment.
Everyday i wake up and think about these kids, the thing that makes it easier to live with is that i have never met them. It eats me up inside everyday to know that these kids dont know who there real dad is. It is partly my fault for being too proud to go back there and search for them.
You have to realise that this all went down 13 years ago and my life has changed so much since then. I was 21 back then and now have a 2 year old daughter of my own, got married to a great women and I'm starting to love life again. It took a long time for me to get over this or to even trust a women again. I'm too proud to go and see someone about my problems as its just not done in my family. I think its an Aussie thing, not sure. Like i have said to my wife if these kids want to find me and meet me then they can come, i'll fly them up here to see me. Hell they can come and live with us if they want to, i would be gratefull for that to happen. At least then i could get to know them and they could get to know my life and my family.
Its a long hard road both mentally and financially and i believe the system is outdated and needs to be changed, to what i dont know.
Its a tough call, but thats life i suppose....
Thanks for listening.

Man this is so sad. I thought by law that you had the wright to see them if you were paying support. It just seems wrong that you cant see them at all. I would check into this. My ex told me she would not let me see mine at one time and I was told by my lawyer that she had to if I was paying support. I am pretty sure it is a law in the US. Am not sure about anywhere elce. Sorry for your pain, I can feel it by the way you expressed it here. Sorry again

 

[ks-waterbug]

All I can say is I feel your pain.... 22 years of child/mom support and 3 to go

 

[VaBusa]

I hate to see (mostly) Dads going through this. The Moms that milk the system and do everything in their power to NOT support themselves, feel this is "owed" to them when the reality is that they want the $ to get back at their exes, the simple fact that Moms never have to prove the $ even goes to the kids...don't get me started...

I will never be one of those women. They're trash. CS serves a purpose and there are plenty out there that pay and pay willingly because they love their children dearly, not just because the state forced them to. The unfortunate truth is that the system is abused, it is gender biased and men get shafted over and over and over again.

Make ANYONE collecting CS prove where the $ goes, and I might believe in the system more. It'll never happen...it's a frickin' handout and enables far too many to get their "revenge" on an ex by taking him for every dime they can. The kids aren't benefactors in any of that...

I wish you luck...anyone paying in to the system needs it...

 

[Zoro]

Thanks for understanding, i did not want it to sound like i was having a sook because like i said originallly this was 13 years ago, i'm 90% over it now and loving life.

I think the best solution would be accountability as well. I agree 100%, doubt it will ever happen in my lifetime but i think it is the next step towards parity in this biased system.

One thing that has always kept me going throughout the bad times is that there is always someone worse off than myself. Some people have to wake up everyday missing limbs, ,eyes etc. I consider myself lucky that i have my health, my wife, my daughter and my life. For that i'm thankful and my friends.

 

[chrisjp]

luckly my ex and i are both college educated and came to the understanding that if we both WANT to raise the children and are willing..child support is in effect paying the other person for the PRIVLIDGE of raising the kids. so no matter who had the kids..neither of us paid support...this made things easyer for the kids to go back and forth. dude alter the support aggrement as you can PROVE you have the 14 yr old...that will adjust payments...also tell them this is all you can afford...they will alter it!!

 

[mgnsn24]

the mother can get all my money...........whereas thats why my 14 year old lives with me, rather be broke than to live with her sorry ass mom. I hate to say this, but when my 14 year old gets to be 18 she probably won't have a damn thing to do with her mom. She knows what a piece of work her mother is. That is going to be my payback for this piece of trash. My 2 other children will grow up and follow in their sisters path. I guarantee it! Than I'll be the one raising my children and I guarantee the courts won't make her pay me a dime. Not that I want one. I can handle myself and raise my children without her.