I think I've heard it all now...

[BulletTrain]

Ok, so I'm rollin' down the road, actually trying to get to a local eatin' joint for lunch when I meet this old primer grey Ford Bronco II with it's windshield caved in. Not cracked, or busted... I'm talkin' a HOLE knocked through it in the driver's line of sight. I turn around at the next intersection and go back to check it out. The Bronco didn't really speed up but they gave me "the look" as I met them and it was obvious that they weren't going to pull off and wait for me either. They kept right on trucking. No problem. I didn't hit the lights so they had no reason to stop yet.

So I am hauling tail and round a curve just in time to see them disappear into a driveway. This driveway is maybe 1/4 mile long and is concrete from the road to the carport of the house it goes to. I nose dive the Crown Vic and barely get turned in. They're maybe 1/3 of the way up the driveway as I turn on the blue lights. We get stopped about half way up. I didn't know the names of the people that live at this house but I knew what they drove and had NEVER seen this vehicle at this house. It was fairly obvious to me that they were ducking off to avoid me.

Anyway, I walk up and get the driver's license and his insurance card. Once I've got that in hand I ask him what they (two folks with him) were doing at the house they pulled into. Ok, get this... remember, CONCRETE driveway from the road to the house... Are you ready? His reply was... , " I thought this was a dirt road..." I was floored. I've heard thousands of explainations for people being in places that they just shouldn't have been, but this one was without a doubt the dumbest one I've heard.

I try my best to conduct myself in a professional manner when dealing with folks even when I know for a fact they are full of crap but man, the sarcasm just rolled out this time. I stomped my foot on the CONCRETE making a loud noise a few times and said, "Yeah, you thought THIS was a DIRT ROAD!" Then he's like, "Well, these people had a couple of junk cars in their yard for sale yesterday and I was coming to see if they still had them." What he didn't know was that we were less than 1 mile from my house and that I drove past that house multiple times the day before. I then told him, "Nope, they most certainly did not have any junk cars in this yard yesterday. We've had several burglaries in the area lately and we're patrolling it heavy (the truth by the way) and I came by several times and no junk cars, or cars of ANY kind in this yard. Try again."


After a few seconds of blank stare on his part I said, "Ok, I've heard your two bullshit stories. Now let me tell you a story that makes sense. You met me. Your windshield is obviously illegal. You saw me turn around. You got around the curve and out of sight and decided to shoot up this driveway to avoid me. See how much sense that makes? It makes MUCH more sense than 'I thought this was a dirt road.'. Do you realize how dumb that sounded?"

Then he dropped his head and was like, "Ok, yeah, that's what happened." Things got better from there. He realized that it wasn't my first rodeo and started being straight with me. I ended up giving him warnings on the smashed in windshield and for his tires which were slick as onions. He found out that all he had to do to get some slack was NOT LIE.

Anyway, I just thought that him sayig that he thought this NICE concrete driveway was a dirt road just had to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard come out of anyone's mouth on a traffic stop. I've heard some good ones. I also said some good ones when I was pulled over when I was younger, but man... I still can't get these words out of my head... "I thought this was a dirt road." Geeesh!

Hmmm, just had a thought. How about everyone post the dumbest thing you've said to a cop thinking that it sounded good at the time, but when you thought about it later, you thought, "What a boneheaded thing to say!"? I just don't think anybody has said anything dumber than what I heard today.

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[vincent]

seriously officer, I only had 2 beers!

(haven't used that one, but know many people that have)

 

[BulletTrain]

seriously officer, I only had 2 beers!

(haven't used that one, but know many people that have)

Hah! Heard that one a LOT of times. Funny story on that note. One of my first ever DUI's was this old guy who ran me off the road. He was going maybe, MAYBE 20 miles per hour and couldn't keep it in his lane. I took the ditch to avoid gettin' hit head on. Just as I turned around to go stop him the dispatcher gives me a lookout on him. He had ran someone else off the road just before I saw him and they had called 911.

I light him up and he noses his car off into a ditch that's a few feet deep. The left rear tire is barely still on the ground from the front right corner diving into the ditch. I get out and approach the car. As I am walking up he opens his door and "climbs" out. He staggers past me and is walking toward my patrol car. I say, "Whoa, let's do some field sobriety tests before we go to the car. He says, "F*ck it man, I'm too drunk. Let's just go to jail...". He walks on back to my car, opens the back door, falls in and closes the door.

After the tow truck gets the car out of the ditch I get in to take him for a breath test. I ask him how many beers he's had (rookie mistake... he taught me to ask differently

). His reply? "Two beers...". I roll my eyes and take him for the test. He blew a .34 on the intox. Highest I've ever seen in person even to this day. The limit was .10 then. He was over three times the limit. He's sittin' there trying not to pass out and I say, "You blew a .34 and you say you've only had two beers?" Here's where I learned to ask differently next time.

He says, "You asked me how many beers I had drank. I've had two today. You didn't say anything about wine. I've probably had two gallons of wine since I got up this morning." :laugh :laugh

From that point on I have asked, "What types of alcoholic beverages have you consumed today and approximately how many, or how much?"

 

[BulletTrain]

seriously officer, I only had 2 beers!

(haven't used that one, but know many people that have)

Hah! Heard that one a LOT of times. Funny story on that note. One of my first ever DUI's was this old guy who ran me off the road. He was going maybe, MAYBE 20 miles per hour and couldn't keep it in his lane. I took the ditch to avoid gettin' hit head on. Just as I turned around to go stop him the dispatcher gives me a lookout on him. He had ran someone else off the road just before I saw him and they had called 911.

I light him up and he noses his car off into a ditch that's a few feet deep. The left rear tire is barely still on the ground from the front right corner diving into the ditch. I get out and approach the car. As I am walking up he opens his door and "climbs" out. He staggers past me and is walking toward my patrol car. I say, "Whoa, let's do some field sobriety tests before we go to the car. He says, "F*ck it man, I'm too drunk. Let's just go to jail...". He walks on back to my car, opens the back door, falls in and closes the door.

After the tow truck gets the car out of the ditch I get in to take him for a breath test. I ask him how many beers he's had (rookie mistake... he taught me to ask differently

). His reply? "Two beers...". I roll my eyes and take him for the test. He blew a .34 on the intox. Highest I've ever seen in person even to this day. The limit was .10 then. He was over three times the limit. He's sittin' there trying not to pass out and I say, "You blew a .34 and you say you've only had two beers?" Here's where I learned to ask differently next time.

He says, "You asked me how many beers I had drank. I've had two today. You didn't say anything about wine. I've probably had two gallons of wine since I got up this morning." :laugh :laugh

From that point on I have asked, "What types of alcoholic beverages have you consumed today and approximately how many, or how much?"

Oh, and for what it's worth, he thanked me for catching him. He said he probably would have killed himself or somebody before he made it home that night. He said it was a relief to see the blue lights because he wouldn't have stopped and would have tried to make it if I hadn't lit him up. I was still new to the job and thought it was pretty cool to get thanked for arresting someone. Over the years I've found out that it happens more often than you'd think.

 

[Max Speed]

I was at work (few years ago this happend) and I pulled into the parking lot of City Hall in my patrol. I see a bunch of people seated on the hood of a car next to the park watching a base ball game. So I drive over and ask them what they are up to. The reply is watching the game... I ask them whos car they are on... The answer came from a young man with a very straight face "My friends car"... I asked who his friend was and where this friend was. I was told he was playing in the ball game and he did not care if they were seated on the hood of the car. Well I was pissed off by this time and told them all to get there asses off the hood of my car! For some people its just a natural thing to lie... As with you people are far better off just to tell me the truth.. I get real tired of lies all the time...
They did not cause much damage to my car it was an old car... but they had no respect for anyone's personal property. That rubs me the wrong way!

 

[zukracer]

nice

I saw a video one time when a lady cop got a guy in TN I think it was dancing behind his truck. Doing pretty good, but some weird stuff. so finally she's about to let him go and she says you dance pretty well, did you have lessons .... his reply was, no I'm just drunk

funny video

 

[BulletTrain]

I was at work (few years ago this happend) and I pulled into the parking lot of City Hall in my patrol. I see a bunch of people seated on the hood of a car next to the park watching a base ball game. So I drive over and ask them what they are up to. The reply is watching the game... I ask them whos car they are on... The answer came from a young man with a very straight face "My friends car"... I asked who his friend was and where this friend was. I was told he was playing in the ball game and he did not care if they were seated on the hood of the car. Well I was pissed off by this time and told them all to get there asses off the hood of my car! For some people its just a natural thing to lie... As with you people are far better off just to tell me the truth.. I get real tired of lies all the time...
They did not cause much damage to my car it was an old car... but they had no respect for anyone's personal property. That rubs me the wrong way!

Lol! My Sgt. pulled a car over one night. It pulled in at a house and the driver (drunk) got out and starts toward the house. Sgt. gets him stopped and asks him what he is doing. The guy said, "This is my house and I'm coming home." Guess who's house it REALLY was. Yep, it was the Sgt's house!

 

[BulletTrain]

nice

I saw a video one time when a lady cop got a guy in TN I think it was dancing behind his truck. Doing pretty good, but some weird stuff. so finally she's about to let him go and she says you dance pretty well, did you have lessons .... his reply was, no I'm just drunk

funny video

Yeah, I've seen that one. It's a classic!

 

[jwcfbd]

I think the funniest thing I've even done to a cop was when he asked me if I had any ID and I said yes. The funny thing is after a slight pause the cop looks at me and asked Well can I see it? Duh, let me get that for you. OOPS In my defense he never asked to see it, he just asked if I had it.

 

[stkr00]

I can honestly say that I've NEVER lied to an officer. It never got me out of anything, but at least it never made it worse.

 

[NCBusa2001]

I was pulled over one time on an interstate. The LEO started the open ended questions, like, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Naturally I stated "Yes" (that didn't help).

Then he proceded to tell me "I clocked you going 88 MPH" Then like a dumbass I started to argue my case...."That can't be....I had the cruise set on 80" (that didn't help either).

Needless to say I got the ticket. Chris

 

[frisbee]

Read an e-mail the other day , it said a cop was waiting for speeders in his useual spot and it was a slow day . after a while a kid comes flying by , the cop pulls him over and says " I've been waiting for you all day" and the kid replies " well I got here as fast as I could"

 

[nitrousjunkie]

It was cool that you let them go BT,now he knows in the future he better shoot straight with you!

 

[MC MUSTANG]

Nothin to do with your stories BT, but I haven't gotten a ticket in years. I've been pulled over a few times - They always seem to go like this. Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? No sir. Well, you were exceeding the speed limit. Okay sir. Liscense and registration please. Yes sir. (I keep my Mil ID and DL together in a little wallet, so I hand them both) You're a Marine? Yes sir. How long have you been in? XX years sir. Well, I was a Marine, stationed out at XXXXXXX. Why don't you slow it down a little. Thank you sir. Semper Fi!

 

[stkr00]

Nothin to do with your stories BT, but I haven't gotten a ticket in years. I've been pulled over a few times - They always seem to go like this. Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? No sir. Well, you were exceeding the speed limit. Okay sir. Liscense and registration please. Yes sir. (I keep my Mil ID and DL together in a little wallet, so I hand them both) You're a Marine? Yes sir. How long have you been in? XX years sir. Well, I was a Marine, stationed out at XXXXXXX. Why don't you slow it down a little. Thank you sir. Semper Fi!

That's exactly how it should always work.

Unless there's a criminal or edangerment issue.

 

[BigBSBusa]

People will say just about anything to try and get away with something! Cracks me up to here sometimes, but other times it pisses me off!

 

[BigBSBusa]

People will say just about anything to try and get away with something! Cracks me up to here sometimes, but other times it pisses me off!

 

[UR IT!]

"Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?" replied "yes, sir, but I didn't plan on staying out more than around 35 minutes or so."

Don't try that .....it doesn't work at all.

 

[MrGxr]

A long time ago (1980ish) my friends and I are out cruising around. We end up at party where we know some girls. Mind you we were a whole 16yrs old and driving Dad's car. Well, the party goes on for quite some time, but non of us are drinking.. coke, pepsi, and Dr. Pepper (comes into play later) we only drank beer when at one of our houses (deal with parents at the time). The girl I was seeing back then was the Sheriff's daughter (also comes into play). The party gets boring so we head over to the local Skating Rink, where we meet some girls and skate. Well, the night at the skate rink comes to an end and some of the girls ask us for a ride home, of course we say "yes". After dropping the girls off we decide to take this dirt road home, no particular reason, just thought it would be fun. As we're coming up on the main road a car comes up behind us and the lights go on. My friend (we'll call him Ed) pulls over and starts freaking out cause its his Dad's car. The Sheriff (see the connection here) comes up to the window and asks how we are doing. Ed says fine. The Sheriff shines his light in the back seat and there I am, " how are you doing this evening George" he says. I tell him I am fine, how is he. "Good" he says "have you been drinking this evening?". I am about to say "no" (the truth) when Ed blurts out "yes, we have sir, we were at a party and then went skating and we were drinking the whole time". All of us in the car are now like what the hell is he talking about. The sheriff asks" what were you drinking". Ed with the most serious face says " Dr. Pepper, most of the night, but had a coke before leaving the Skating rink". I thought the Sheriff was gunna bust a gut. When he finally gets it together he tells us to head home. We still talk about that night.. 15 years later.. and we all still bust up.

 

[Kento-Moto]

All good ones guyz thanx for sharing.

Here's mine :

Women on the show "Cops" Field sobriety test "I couldn' do this sober!"

Happen'd to me :
- About 1979 I am doing some volunteer work and happened to be going to an appointment in a nice nieghborhood, I am getting there in my full customized, wide fender'd lowerd, 64 VW bug... I see the patrol car turn around behind me and after following me for a few minutes ( i am doing 23 mph in a 25 zone ) He finally hits the lights and I pull over. I am 19 yrs old and well dressed in a shirt & tie I also have a close friends kid with me, the cutest 5 year old japanese little boy dressed in a white shirt and a bow tie, smile so big you cant see his eye's... Officer comes up to my window and takes one look at us ... little Lance says "hi" and waves ... cop just stands there for like 10-15 seconds... finally says "All right, what are you guyz up to?"

- Couple years ago I am flyin up my fav country road in Hawaii ... very rarely any cops up there well the week before a bunch of kneegraggers were over from Honolulu and raised so much hell the cops had speed traps out after they left...
I come up over a crest, I see him, I slam the brakes and down shift as much as possible... ( speed I guess was around 95+ ) He walks up and of course says : Do you know how fast you were going?" I said "No I was too busy watching you."

I got tagged for 68 in a 45.