I have failed as a parent. Just found out

[skydivr]

Hang in there; now's the time to show her what DAD really means.

What I want to know is how a 24 year old man, not a student, is inside a high school?

[Big Bo]

Which ever way this mess turn out, let your daughter know that birds of a feather flock together, and you will be known by who you associate yourself with. Life is full of decisions, make the right choices or suffer the consequences.

Tell her that A + B = C

A= Actions
B= Behavior
C= Consequences

[Strife]

It's often hard to see another's point of view until you step into their shoes.

Hopefully she is one who will learn a lesson from this.

[newman]

You are not a bad parent or a hypocrite, kids do stuff, even if you have done your best bringing them up the right way.
Lynne's got four girls, three of them have been fine, but the other one was very naughty, she was a right pain.
Anyway I hope at all goes ok for you and your daughter.

[red1100cc]

if she does not have a lawyer yet, GET HER A LAWYER! the system eats children. don't let your daughter get caught up in the system. lawyer up now before it's too late.

[aussiesuzukirider]

Good luck with this Kevin as said before just do what a dad would do, Listen to all the facts don't jump to any conclusions, show her you a there for her all the way. Being a parent never came with a hand book.

[chrisjp]

lurch....at this junction...based on what she told you....she did nothing but be around the wrong people when they said something that could be taken serious depending on the tone. we talked about bomb threats all the time as kids as simply a way to get out of class. i passed them off as just kids fantasizing. if she didnt call....then the only thing she did wrong was not seeing if they were going to do it...and last i knew no human is a mind reader. so IMO... help her understand to be more aware and pick your friends a bit more wisely. reason i can say this is i got such a call last month from my own daughter who is 18 and spent a day in jail. as her boyfreind and his freind were at walmart and she saw them shoplift but in her words "im not doing it and thats thier problem" but the problem is as they walked out the door one of the boys asked her to hold his jacket and they got stopped. the security admitted they did not see her shoplift and have it on camera they handed thier jacket to her...but in SC you have the "guilty by association" rule and becuase she was with them....she is guilty of the action too....so dont judge so harsh...sometimes a little "innaction" gets them in trouble where we as adults sometimes know to just say..."woaahhh i want nothing to do with that" and walk away. your not a bad father...no diffrent that i would be for the circumstances my or your daughter were in

[Dan]

Hang in there brother. We are here if you need anything.

[captain]

Being accused of a crime and doing a crime are completely different Kevin. Could she have handled it better, maybe if she knew it was really going to happen. It would be hard to prove intent in her part if he made the call and she wasn't even around when he did it. You know your daughter better than the system, if she didn't do it then stand with her and show your support for her. If she could have handled it better teach her what she did wrong or could have done. If she tells you she did know it was going to happen and she helped plan it then stand with her to take her licks.... tbere is a chance for dad to be with his daughter no matter the outcome. Make it a learning experience..

Cap

[darciedog1]

I hope every thing works out with your daughter Kevin. I have heard of you talk often of your daughter. She sounds like a great kid that mistakes like all of our kids do. I'm sure every thing will work out for the both of you.

[twotonevert]

I am very sorry Kevin. Your daughter needs her dad right now. Either way, show her what she should have done and be there if she is facing the consequences.

[stretchabusa]

Thank you for the response. I just feel like such a hypocrite right now and that is not what I am all about.

Lurch as others have posted, try not to beat yourself up to much about it, there are too many variables when you are bringing up children.

I know from your previous posts that you have been strict with her and have always been a loving and concerned parent, unlike some out there.

+ 1 on the Lawyer.

Hope everything turns out OK for you both, Stretch.

[Blanca BusaLess]

What's the big deal about a bomb threat anyway? It's not like she gave herself a Mohawk or anything...




Couldn't resist.

Call me if you need anything brother..

Hey my kid resembles that remark

Lurch you've done your job and can only hope they follow. Shes just mixed up with a couple bad apples is all.
I'm curious if this was something that was a serious talk about doing it or if it was a joking kinda convo like 'haha it would be funny to call in a bomb threat so we didn't have to take that history test!' ?

Kids say stupid stuff sometimes that gets taken out of context.

[BlondeOnaBusa]

She may have been in a situation she didn't know how to handle. Be the dad she needs right now and use this as a learning experience.

[TWT racer]

Sir,

You can only do your best to raise them and show them the right path in life. It is up to them to follow it or go their own way. Be there for her, support her but let her pay the dues involved. It may very well straighten her out and save more dire consequences later. Best of luck to you both!!

^^ very well said

[Warchild]

I thing chrisjp has pretty much nailed it.

Lurch, do NOT take ownership here to the extent you feel you are a "parent fail", because nothing is further from the truth.

Believe me, I know all about the trials of having to raise children when you are not the primary custodian of them. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with your daughter as you both wage war with The System should indeed tell her what kind of father you are to her.

[skydivr]

I'll tell you one thing, I'll bet she steers clear of this in the future....an example why choosing your friends is so important. He may have looked 'cool' (although from my perspective, a 24 year old man hanging around High School is a loser or a pervert or both), but look at what drama you get dragged into. IF she can get through this relatively unscathed, she may have learned a life lesson that she will never forget.

I got myself into one or two of these situations when I was a teenager, and although I hadn't done anything wrong, I was near enough to the 'action' that the trouble spilled over onto me. I quickly learned how to distance myself from trouble (then I came here and it all went downhill from there ).

[dadofthree]

Custody ....... We have all been fifteen, Children become their on person regardless of what you do as a parent. Obviously if you're a low life chances are they will be, but if you provide for, nurture, and lead them down right paths it doesn't always work out.

For her part it should be family court and you should do everything you can to get this removed from her record. It's critical.

I'm curious about a 24 year old at school myself

[fast08busa]

Hang in there lurch, I have gone thru the same thing with my teenage stepdaughters. Its tough but showing her u love her and beinf by her side is the best I can do. Stay steonf brother and remember it will get better

[kitchener rider]

wait till you hear it all, she is 14 and you cant be there to make every decision for her. this isnt bad parenting its more likely a 14 yr olds clouded judgment if anything