Pretty funny eh?
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington ,
Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and
the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You
get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
Blue States: we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT.
Red States: you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of
the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia . We get Hollywood and
Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of
you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico
Peace.
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington ,
Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and
the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You
get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
Blue States: we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT.
Red States: you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of
the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia . We get Hollywood and
Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of
you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico
Peace.
.
