Tony Nitrous
Registered
I had a cat once, but it was a lot of responsability.
Am I being Selfish?
- Thread starter I Love My Wife
- Start date
You can wait another 30 years if you want, but the wife is probably in her "fertility prime". Maybe discuss this with wife and her OBGYN and have them run a few test to make sure "everything" ok with the BOTH of you. Then you two can make a plan. I applaude you for trying to be responsible in bringing a child into this world. You have the makings of great parents. 
Best of luck! 
Best of luck! 
I agree that there's never a "right" time. I also agree that your basic ideas on parenting have to align with your partner. You're going to have differences of opinion but the core values need to be the same.
And yes, she has baby fever right now. And no, it isn't going away. There are advantages to becoming parents at a younger age, but there are advantages to waiting until after 35, it's really up to you.
Life is never the same after kids. Once you're a parent, you're a parent forever...but it's worth it.
And yes, she has baby fever right now. And no, it isn't going away. There are advantages to becoming parents at a younger age, but there are advantages to waiting until after 35, it's really up to you.
Life is never the same after kids. Once you're a parent, you're a parent forever...but it's worth it.
The best thing that ever happened was becoming a dad and as others have said, it changes everything. That commercial where the guy is holding the new baby and they say its when you realize its not about you anymore, could not be more true.
My advice, get going. I was 35 when my daughter was born and now I see all the things I'd love to do with her or places I'd love to take her and she's just not old enough yet. The other side of that, if you have any dream vacations or trips on the horizon get them out of the way now. You aren't going very far for very long for a few years after your baby is born.
Oh yeah, don't be surprised if your riding cuts back a little too. I've found myself wanting to stay home and play with my daughter instead of going out for a ride and when I do ride, its noooo where near as spirited as it once was
Trust me, its going to be the best thing you've ever done or experienced, but only when you are ready
My advice, get going. I was 35 when my daughter was born and now I see all the things I'd love to do with her or places I'd love to take her and she's just not old enough yet. The other side of that, if you have any dream vacations or trips on the horizon get them out of the way now. You aren't going very far for very long for a few years after your baby is born.
Oh yeah, don't be surprised if your riding cuts back a little too. I've found myself wanting to stay home and play with my daughter instead of going out for a ride and when I do ride, its noooo where near as spirited as it once was
Trust me, its going to be the best thing you've ever done or experienced, but only when you are ready
jpowell490
Registered
Someone said "financially responsible", there was never two truer words said.
If you cannot afford to have kids, don't. A lot of people say that they only need love and a good home, that is true, but you need to be able to provide for them with no trouble.
Trust me on this one, I sold the shirt off my back for the first couple of years. I sold ALL cars, motorcycles, etc. to provide for my daughter. If you are not willing to make sacrifices such as that, you are not ready.
On the other hand, a lot of people here have said it right, you will never experience a greater love in this world.
They won't grow up to say they hate you, etc. if you are part of their life. The one's that do that are the one's that had absentee parents and then they get around to wanting to be parents when the child is a teenager and then it is too late.
If you cannot afford to have kids, don't. A lot of people say that they only need love and a good home, that is true, but you need to be able to provide for them with no trouble.
Trust me on this one, I sold the shirt off my back for the first couple of years. I sold ALL cars, motorcycles, etc. to provide for my daughter. If you are not willing to make sacrifices such as that, you are not ready.
On the other hand, a lot of people here have said it right, you will never experience a greater love in this world.
They won't grow up to say they hate you, etc. if you are part of their life. The one's that do that are the one's that had absentee parents and then they get around to wanting to be parents when the child is a teenager and then it is too late.
prayer warrior
Registered
I am with Jpowell490 brother if you are not ready to make sacrifices you are been selfish sorry to said that but is the T raising a child in to the world is a challenge and great experiences you'll never forget, Pray with your wife about the matter one thing is to discuss things and another to pray for direction is not up to us if god is not willing to in trust us with a child have you ever though of that?
god bless!
god bless!
dk55belair
Registered
If you have family close by to help you care for the kids and to provide time for you two to ride and do the fun things together, then it probably wont be a regret. If you have no family to watch the kids or help out in emergencies, then I would think a little harder. Just dont let the birth of children handicap your lifestyle, take the kids and go and do everything you can. Life's short.
This is a truly personal and unique decision you have to make together and is a life long commitment. My wife and I are going on 27 years together and we were under great pressure from her family to "have children". Everyone kept pushing us for one reason or another as to why we should have children ranging from the religious perspective to the age perspective.
While we both appreciate what everyone had to offer, those were reasons that were for their lives...not ours.
(This is my opinion/story only) While children would have been a blessing to our lives, I have had the unique opportunity to get to know my wife for the person that she is and both of us have been able to chase after our dreams of what "WE" wanted to be.
She took the time to put up with my military career and then working so I could get through graduate school. All the while she was working in a field she dearly loved. When the day came that I was done with school and started working full time...it was her turn to finish her graduate work. In short, we put a lot of years both working towards a goal (our goal we both agreed upon). We are in our mid 40's (yes we did get married as teens) and reaping the benefits of what we both wanted...good jobs, great home a blessed life in that we have been able to travel the world together and see sights we never would have been able to if we had chosen to have children.
Children require your time...not some of it, most of it. While we did not raise our own children during our time, we have raised nephews and nieces filling in many years for family members that could not fulfill their parenting duties.
Yes you are young and you have had five glorious years with your wife, what ever decision you guys make please make sure that it is the one you want to do, not what everyone else thinks you should do.
In our lives our decision works wonderfully...but it is different with each family. I wish you and your wife all the success and joy you can discover together.
While we both appreciate what everyone had to offer, those were reasons that were for their lives...not ours.
(This is my opinion/story only) While children would have been a blessing to our lives, I have had the unique opportunity to get to know my wife for the person that she is and both of us have been able to chase after our dreams of what "WE" wanted to be.
She took the time to put up with my military career and then working so I could get through graduate school. All the while she was working in a field she dearly loved. When the day came that I was done with school and started working full time...it was her turn to finish her graduate work. In short, we put a lot of years both working towards a goal (our goal we both agreed upon). We are in our mid 40's (yes we did get married as teens) and reaping the benefits of what we both wanted...good jobs, great home a blessed life in that we have been able to travel the world together and see sights we never would have been able to if we had chosen to have children.
Children require your time...not some of it, most of it. While we did not raise our own children during our time, we have raised nephews and nieces filling in many years for family members that could not fulfill their parenting duties.
Yes you are young and you have had five glorious years with your wife, what ever decision you guys make please make sure that it is the one you want to do, not what everyone else thinks you should do.
In our lives our decision works wonderfully...but it is different with each family. I wish you and your wife all the success and joy you can discover together.
afterhours
Registered
its OK to be selfish....
there are 300+ million people in this country, there are plenty of people having kids.
I am way too selfish, and I am enjoying my life way too much to have kids.
the idea that you "must" have kids comes from a time when it was needed for practical reasons.
1. young boys helped in the family business, whether it was a trade or farming. Sons meant cheap labor, and brought money and prosperity to the family.
2. Continuation of bloodlines, and even family wealth.
3. someone to care for you when you were too old to take care of yourself.
Having children is a big commitment, not everybody is meant to be a father...
there are 300+ million people in this country, there are plenty of people having kids.
I am way too selfish, and I am enjoying my life way too much to have kids.
the idea that you "must" have kids comes from a time when it was needed for practical reasons.
1. young boys helped in the family business, whether it was a trade or farming. Sons meant cheap labor, and brought money and prosperity to the family.
2. Continuation of bloodlines, and even family wealth.
3. someone to care for you when you were too old to take care of yourself.
Having children is a big commitment, not everybody is meant to be a father...
I Love My Wife
Registered
Thanks all for your thoughts and comments.
This is not a question of wanting children, just a matter of timing. My wife and I are continuing to pray about it and also speaking with one another more on the topic.
I have always found that it helps to work through something if you "say it".
Thanks again for everybody's words and experiences.
This is not a question of wanting children, just a matter of timing. My wife and I are continuing to pray about it and also speaking with one another more on the topic.
I have always found that it helps to work through something if you "say it".
Thanks again for everybody's words and experiences.
Ok again when its saturday and the Fins are getting ready to whip the Bills butts.....10 seconds left in the game you'll be able to say:
BOY....GO GET ME ANOTHER BEER
But seriously no kids means you will never have a visit from this guy
JUST THINK HOW MUCH FUN IT WILL BE GETTIN ALL COVERED UP IN WEB
BOY....GO GET ME ANOTHER BEER
But seriously no kids means you will never have a visit from this guy
JUST THINK HOW MUCH FUN IT WILL BE GETTIN ALL COVERED UP IN WEB
III
Registered
Couldn't agree with this more. Love...schmove! Have you seen how much it costs for Thomas the Train toys yet? People thought owning a Busa was expensive.
I'd say I'm about as selfish as they come. I have my moments...probably more than most. I was more "worried" about birth defects than financial issues. But having said that, I waited until I was 31 to have mine. It's a double edge sword. Glad to be able to provide substantially for him, which wouldn't have been the issue if I had done so in my 20's. Stuff costs waay more nowadays, for worse quality. But, I found myself picking up a set of heavy duty knee pads to play on the floor with him when he was at that stage (bad knees from football). I guess you pick your poison. Given that the chances of my biggest concern only increase with age...I'd suggest get going if you're gonna do it.
Plus, who else are you gonna taint with your loves and hobbies?
Blake051300
Registered
I'm 31 with a 1 and 3 year old. I always wanted kids and it was important to me to be young enough that I could really interact and play with them. It's a very challenging task to take on but its well worth it (atleast in my eyes). There's no secret that the relationship and the time you have with your wife will change but the fact is in order to be good parents you need to talk and plan the proper care for your children and that alone can bring you closer together in a new way. Good luck with your decision. Reaching out for opinions is good but this is best decided by sitting in a quite room with your wife and no distractions.
jpowell490
Registered
Great advice from everyone,
I suggest this. Your wife and yourself need to go through some hard times together. Doesn't have to be financial, health, etc. Could be something different, but it really needs to fall on one person more than the other. If you support each other and you get through that with no issues and you want kids, have them.
There will be nothing more brutalizing in this world to have kids and then start having troubles with the wife. You talk about stress, you will have it in spades. Children change everything, what was once important to your wife will change completely. She or you, may become a totally different person with different outlooks on life.
I don't mean that in a bad way, but it is something to be prepared for. Talk to her about how she thinks a child should be brought up. Is she for capital punishment? What does she think of sending little johnny / molly to a public / catholic / methodist / etc. school. Think of some things that might surprise you and react to it.
Write those things down, both of you, and don't show the other. Put the issues and problems you might face in a hat and draw one at a time. See what your reactions are. You may learn a lot that you didn't know about one another. Remember, raising a child is not a singular job, it is plural as in both of you. You won't decide everything for the child, nor will she. You MUST be in agreement on almost everything or you will have a helluva time.
I suggest this. Your wife and yourself need to go through some hard times together. Doesn't have to be financial, health, etc. Could be something different, but it really needs to fall on one person more than the other. If you support each other and you get through that with no issues and you want kids, have them.
There will be nothing more brutalizing in this world to have kids and then start having troubles with the wife. You talk about stress, you will have it in spades. Children change everything, what was once important to your wife will change completely. She or you, may become a totally different person with different outlooks on life.
I don't mean that in a bad way, but it is something to be prepared for. Talk to her about how she thinks a child should be brought up. Is she for capital punishment? What does she think of sending little johnny / molly to a public / catholic / methodist / etc. school. Think of some things that might surprise you and react to it.
Write those things down, both of you, and don't show the other. Put the issues and problems you might face in a hat and draw one at a time. See what your reactions are. You may learn a lot that you didn't know about one another. Remember, raising a child is not a singular job, it is plural as in both of you. You won't decide everything for the child, nor will she. You MUST be in agreement on almost everything or you will have a helluva time.
Blake051300
Registered
If nothing else it's a lot easier to take pictures of kids on your bike when you don't need to borrow them.
If nothing else it's a lot easier to take pictures of kids on your bike when you don't need to borrow them.
Borrowing is cheaper though
Similar threads
