Your Horoscope


What's your sign?
DAMNIT!!!! I was planning on finding a blond, blue-eyed cheerleader to go with my newly purchased mansion and SUV after I win the lottery this week. Now I am completely depressed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's my pleasure to inform you that the astrological moment is perfect for you to wish upon a star. It's my nervous duty, however, to make sure that you choose the right star. A small miscalculation in the heavenly sphere can translate into a huge error down here on earth. Likewise, I must urge you to use surgical precision in formulating your wish. Even a tiny misstatement of your longing could result in you fulfilling the wrong dream. Sorry to be so complicated, Pisces. You'd think it would be child's play to know exactly what you want and ask the right deity to bless it. But it's not; few of us ever accomplish this magic. Fortunately, you've never been in a better position to pull it off.

Wow what are the odds on finding the right star. Hey maybe I will settle for a Dark hair mysterious woman who loves to ride and loves lots of sex and love. Which one has better odds.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A kitty-litter box in Des Moines, Iowa, is a portal to another dimension. [/QUOTE]

Need I say more?
I had a blonde cheerleader... course I had a brunette cheerleader later.. I actually like the brunette more.. but I digress..

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last October I watched a World Series game with two psychotherapists who'd previously had little exposure to baseball. At first they were merely entertained and grossed out by the fact that virtually every player spit constantly. But as the camera's telescopic lens focused over and over on tight shots of saliva spraying from lips, the shrinks' attitude turned clinical. "These million-dollar athletes are suffering from a collective version of obsessive-compulsive disorder," they concluded. I had to agree. But to be fair to the baseball players, I also noted that every close-knit assemblage of humans has some analogous pathology, and it's often unconscious. What's your group's version, Aquarius? It's an ideal time, astrologically speaking, to question whether it's amusing and tolerable, or whether, on the other hand, it tends to undermine your goals. [/QUOTE]

Wish I'd gotten the "portal in the kitty litter box" thing..
Damn...was I supposed to MARRY that cheerleader...I just left when I finished....Another Virgo with bad timing.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Libra! What could you do to make yourself more swashbuckling in 2003? What new influences will encourage you to leap into the surprising adventures that'll often be available in the coming months? I suggest that you ask for or give yourself holiday gifts that will inspire you in this direction. How about a scale model of a pirate ship for your home altar, for instance? Or maybe a sword-and-sorcery role-playing game like Dungeons & Dragons? The best gift of all might be a posable action figure made in your image. Think you can swing that?


I missed yesterday, maybe the kitty-litter box was better!!