Police quotes.....



ks-waterbug

Group Buy Guy
Donating Member
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Police Quotes


"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em.... nobody is your friend."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"That says POLICE, not taxi."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" (if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"You can't outrun a radio."

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"I'd rather have the gear and not need it than need the gear I don't have."

"If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Some people are meant to be cops, and some people are meant to call the cops."

"God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
 

ks-waterbug

Group Buy Guy
Donating Member
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Police Quotes-2
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"Bulletproof vests aren't."

"Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds, solely because dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence in their behalf."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Uh....yes, Chief, it only appeared as if I wasn't paying attention to your speech. Actually, you inspired me to meditate on the mission statement and envision a new paradigm."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."

"I know, I know, your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center."

"I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You might beat the rap, but you can't beat the ride."

"We don't hire cops in this department, we hire common sense and make cops from it."

"I don't believe they should use the electric chair, they need to use electric bleachers."

"Handcuffs aren't designed for comfort."

"Your arrest. You catch 'em, you clean 'em
 
Perhaps a good counterbalance would be a long collection of some of the stupidest, arrogant and otherwise lame statements made by sugarbritches who have been pulled over red handed but have the nerve to pretend that they were somehow entitled to break the law...
 

mikeyusf

Registered
here is my favorite cop quote

"OMG! I should have gotten his tag before I turned on the lights. That black busa thats always around Riverview, FL has no god damn respect for authority. Attention all units in the vicinity of.... aww screw it "

LOL thats my fav

Mike
 

Ononewheel

Registered
LOL

Do you even have a license buddy?


I was once stopped on my Banshee. (don't ask) The officer wrote it up asking, what year is it, where's the vin. When I looked at the ticket it read "Blue/white 98 renthal" Funniest cop quote I've ever heard, only after he spent 5 minutes telling me how he rides all the time of course. He was nice but it was still funny.
 

jwcfbd

Administrator
Registered
"If that hits my car you're going to jail"

July 4th 89?
When I lived in CT a friend and myself were lighting off fireworks. Keep in mind fireworks in CT are illegal.  There we were standing in a parking lot, I looked up to call my buddy when on came the lights.  About the sametime Ed lights one of those things that spins and goes up about 100 feet or so(Saturn rocket I think) It's just a tube with two fins on it.  Anyway the cop gets out of his car, looking up, walks toward us and says " If that hits my car you're going to jail" never looking at either one of us.  Both Ed and I froze while we watched this thing in terror as it lands within a foot of the cruiser.
eek2.gif
  Then and only then he looks at us and says "You're lucky now put the rest of it in my back seat and and if I have to come back then you guys will be in the back seat going for a ride"  He let us go that time.
biggrin.gif
 

mikeyusf

Registered
In all seriousness, the best response to

Question- "do you know why I pulled you over?"

Answer- "No I dont"

Question- "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Answer- "No sir, I was watching the road and the other motorists, I wasnt watching my speedometer"

Seems to work really well when getting pulled over in the cage. Also, I roll down all my windows, turn on my dome lights if it's at night, and keep both hands gripped on the steering wheel in plain view.

My technique seems to work well. I've gotten out of 2 tickets in the last 6 months by doing this. It could be fluke, but it seems to show a lot of respect for the officer which might help getting out of the ticket.

Or, it could be the goofy ear to ear smile I have on my DL

Mike
 

cache

Banned
Also, I roll down all my windows, turn on my dome lights if it's at night, and keep both hands gripped on the steering wheel in plain view.
Okay, a little off topic, but you just sparked a wild memory....

rollin thru Detroit after I got outta Basic Training in 1991, with my wife in the car.... late-ish.... 11pm. Get lost lookin for sis-in-law's house. cop pulls us over cuz we look suspicious or sumthin.....

tinted windows, damn power driver's window busted. He comes up to the door, "roll down your window please".....
I proceed to open the door since the window won't roll down.
<span style='font-size:13pt;line-height:100%'>BIG</span> mistake!!!
laugh.gif


Needless to say, got a dent in my door, and a 44 in the face.
biggrin.gif


I'ts all good tho.
 

Big O

Physicist Genii
Donating Member
Registered
"an I'm tellin' ya son, that it ain't no fun, starin' straight down a 44"
wow.gif


I saw this one on TV,
Joe Dopefiend is standing uncuffed next to the K9 cop car,
The cop sez: I'm going over there to check your ID, you stand here, if you move the dog comes out of the car, understand?(dog licks his chops looking at "Joe")
"Joe" looks at the dog and sez: No problem.
 

k5fan

Registered
GET THIS. THE DAD AND HIS OLD STORY. TO MAKE IT QUICK. THEY WERE SHITFACED DRIVING THROW TOWN AND GOT PULLED OVER. IT WAS HIM AND HIS FRIEND. THE COP SMELT ALCOHOL AND ASKED IF THEY HAD BEEN DRINKING. MY DAD SAID NO AND THE COP LOOKED DOWN AT HIS FRIEND WHO HAD HIS HEAD TURNED AWAY FROM THE COP. THE COP ASKED WHAT ABOUT YOU? THE FRIEND TURNED TOWARD THE COP WITH TWO BEER BOTTLE CAPS IN CLENCED HIS EYES SOCKETS AND DRUNKENLY SLURRED "OF COURSE NOT OFFICER" UNFORTUNATELY THEY SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE DRUNK TANK. ALSO I GOT PULLED OVER FOR 95 IN A 45 IN MY PICKUP AND WHEN THE COP ASKED IF WE HAD BEEN DRINKING MY DRUNKEN FRIEND SAID "THANK GOD YOU PULLED US OVER WE ARE COMPLETELY F@#$CKED UP AND WERE ABOUT TO KILL SOMEBODY. YEP GOT THE DRUNK TANK ON THAT ONE
 

Charlesbusa

Used to be a SoCal Busa
Donating Member
Registered
From my experience, it doesn't matter what you did or how polite you are to the cop, it matters on how the cop is feeling. Luck of the draw.
 

200hp

Registered
I got pulled last month. The cop asked why I was speeding? I told him "Because I twisted this thing too far" while pointing at the throttle.

Lesson learned: Smart ass answers won't get you out of a ticket.
 
G

Guest

200hp,

That would probably have gotten you a good laugh and a break from me. Then again, I have a sense of humor. Some officers simply don't.
biggrin.gif
 

dezzy7

Registered
Police Quotes


"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em.... nobody is your friend."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"That says POLICE, not taxi."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" (if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"You can't outrun a radio."

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"I'd rather have the gear and not need it than need the gear I don't have."

"If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Some people are meant to be cops, and some people are meant to call the cops."

"God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
This is one of the funniest threads i've read in a long while...thanks for the humor on the 1st of 10 rainy days --- My wife says everytime somethings happens to my bike it rains till its fixed---let hope the part come in quick, otherwise we might have to trade it in for a boat.
 

loboboy

Donating Member
Registered
Cop "Whats your Hurry, and what took you so long to stop?"
driver "My wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were trying to bring her Back."

This one generally gets you off of the ticket.LOL
 


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