How would you handle this.....

fast08busa

fast08busa

Professional Pilot kinda sorta
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So this morning i took my young daughters to school and when I came home my son was walking down stairs from talking to mom. I asked the wifey what was going on and she informs me that my son had brought home a paper from school saying he is missing 4 assignments and failed a vocabulary test. This is something that has been happening consistently this year. Every night i ask him if he has homework and if he wants help and he says no. So me thinking he has no homework he goes to play xbox or on the smartphone and I dont think anything of it. This morning when i found out about this I asked him about why this keeps happening. He tells me some BS about him being retarded and starts to pull a pity party so he doesn't get in trouble. I argued with him about it and took his phone and xbox away and he tells me he doesn't care. I get upset with him because I know that he is more than capable of getting good grades and he knows I am here to help the best I can. The wife got upset cause i was "*****ing" to him about it and that I was going about doing it the wrong way. But i don't know what else to do to get through to him. I take things away, he gets grounded, He gets grounded to his room, everything short of getting his butt whooped like i did when I came home at his age with bad grades. He is a great kid, lemme say that again he is a GREAT kid and when he puts his mind to something he gets it done. I have tried being nice, setting goals for him, rewarding him when he gets good grades. I just don't want him to grow up stupid like so many other kids I see. He is my right hand man and I hate getting upset with him, but I want him to do the best he possibly can. I love my son and would do anything in this world for him if he needed it.

Just needed to rant

Thanks
Fast
 
Man, taking awy his stuff is the first thing I doo too. How old is he? My son was/is doing the same thing and his teacher set him up with an assignment book that he had to fill out and I had to sign so I could see what home work he had and if he was missing anything. Once he started with that book and I sat down with him everynight it got better. He is a 4th grader and everytime I lighten up he starts slacking again. Good luck brother.
 
Middle school is socal hour, now is the time to fix it so its not worse in High school. IMHP, that is where my folks dropped the ball with me.
 
Bet you money it's ADHD or ADD. Stuff comes really easy to really bright kids, but they are flighty and can't focus when it gets hard and don't know how to deal w/it. Playing video games for a long time they can do (because it provides the full-on mental stimulation they need/require); bookstudy doesn't. This is also about the time boys start to notice girls (with the associated angst that comes along w/it).

I went thru a long bout of pretty serious depression at this age (ADHD but nobody knew what that was back then). Didn't think I could do anything right, and even though I had plenty of smarts (I tied the class valedictorian on the ACT but my grades sucked), I just dug myself into a hole and felt helpless. I stopped doing my homework (I could NOT focus on a term paper long enough to complete it). Became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My grades were not very good, but I could get by because I can just about remember anything I read. Took me until my Senior year of college to learn how to deal w/harness it. I still can't hardly do a long project - no patience.

You may need to look into it now before he hits puberty and gets realllly crazy. May be ADHD and there are things you can do with diet/drugs that can help him to focus on a task or subject longer than 30 seconds. What he probably needs most is some reassurance that it happens to a lot of people at this age, that you love him regardless and that you will do whatever it takes to help him learn to focus. REALLY, I'd get him tested for ADHD.....
 
dont just take he's word for it, check to make sure he does/n't have homework. growing up, my folks always went over what i learned in class. if there was something i didnt get in class, my pops would go over it. After all that, i was allowed to go out and play. Sega Genesis, we were only allowed to play on the weekend's.
 
This sound like my son.....Does your school district have a program that you can go on line and check for grades and homework? We have a program call INow. I can log on and check his progress each day. I know some states use the STI program. Check to see if the teachers have a link on the schools website. Some post each weeks schedules on there, test, homework and things like that. If not contact the teachers and explain the problem your having. They may be able to email you his homework for the week and what they are working on. When our son did this we made him bring his books home each day and sit at the dining room table 1 hour with one of us weather he had homework or not. We would go over the chapter in each class and review. If our son didn't turn in a paper I would make him do it even if it was to late to get a grade on it. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard to stick to and there were times I wanted to give up but it paid off, he brought up his grades and passed both classes. I also had meetings with his teachers and we would stay in contact via email on his progress each week. Most teachers are willing to help parents, all you have to do is ask. Good luck.
 
my daughters school has an udate page that lists what homework was given out,, we actually get an email from the school everyday that list the homework assigned.
maybe ask the teacher to give you a list..
 
no good will come of it, try & get your wife on the same page with you, double team him with the goal to generate some motivation in the boy- having goals makes for motivation.
 
fast08busa said:
12 years old and in 7th grade
Click to expand...

This can be a challenging age, without a doubt. I have raised/am raising eight (8) children, ages 11-24, so believe me, I know what you're feeling.

The advice given this far seems pretty fair - though I am not so sure I would assume a ADHD or ADD issue just quite yet.

However, if some of these techniques described don't produce the desired results, definitely don't rule out a ADHD/ADD issue.

Good luck, bro.... 12 year old boys can be a handful.... :beerchug:
 
On addition to ADHD, you should get him tested for dyslexia. It can make you feel dumb until you find out you have it and learn how to compensate for it.
 
BusaWhipped said:
On addition to ADHD, you should get him tested for dyslexia. It can make you feel dumb until you find out you have it and learn how to compensate for it.
Click to expand...

Good advice here! I was gonna mention it but I am a little slow:laugh:
 
You should request to have him tested either for being gifted and bored or a disability that is preventing him from doing what you think he can do. We are at that point now with my son at five yrs old. I think hes gifted and bored. My daughter was the opposite. She has a comprehension disability. Due to that she qualified for a scholarship to private school. This has been a gift and really helped turn her around.

If he turns out to be ok then I say you beat him with a belt for 6 or 7 minutes, buy him a Mercedes and give him an allowance :laugh: Then he will love you for sure.
 
Blanca Busa said:
You should request to have him tested either for being gifted and bored or a disability that is preventing him from doing what you think he can do. We are at that point now with my son at five yrs old. I think hes gifted and bored. My daughter was the opposite. She has a comprehension disability. Due to that she qualified for a scholarship to private school. This has been a gift and really helped turn her around.

If he turns out to be ok then I say you beat him with a belt for 6 or 7 minutes, buy him a Mercedes and give him an allowance :laugh: Then he will love you for sure.
Click to expand...

Whats interesting in the State of TN public school system, Saiid, is 'overgifted' is treated just like 'undergifted' as a 'handicap'....
 
Take away everything. Xbox, phone, no friends over, no on the phone, no going to visit, no visits, no sports, just school, and chores.

Go to the school and talk to hius teacher/teachers, with him there.

If you say something mean it. Grounding him, stick to the length of terms.

I did not spare the rod.
 
I took off a week from work and went to school with my daughter everyday. She got her stuff together real quick. Plus I got to kill the 8 th graders at basketball!

Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk
 
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