Customer service call

MN72Busa

Formerly known as "Zuki"
Donating Member
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I got this in an email this morning, and thought I would share

<span style='color:purple'>This has got to be one of the funniest things I've heard of in a Long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a True phone call from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a Recording monitoring the customer care department. This is actual Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." ! ! !</span>
 
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Val why are you dipicting stories from your own job
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lol....yah, but heres the sad thing...I over see 150 School Principals, 10,000+ teachers, 2500+ engineers, and countless administrators....Education Industry...right? Well, I've received much stranger calls...You have to Love Public Education.

But hey, on the bright side of things....I never have to worry about being right, or wrong about things...There are no Losers or Winners in our System - We are all Equal and we are all here to help the kids become equally equal...lol
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My brother used to work for IBM and he has a few stories

From him:

Anyway, here are some of my favorites from my time as one of the
faceless minions of the tech support world. I don't expect the vast
majority of my readers to get all the jokes listed herein, unless you
belong to one of the following categories:

  1. You are a tech support person yourself.

  2. You are a computer geek in general.

  3. You've met me in person, and I've regaled you with the story, and
then taken the time to explain every nuance to you, thereby ruining the
joke.

With that out of the way, bring on the morons:

Unshiny Happy People

I received a call one night from a nice sounding old lady that can't
seem to get CD's to play on her laptop. I start to troubleshoot the
issue, and nothing seems to be working. At about 15 minutes into the
call, the following exchange occurs:

Her: Now, I have a question. Does the shiny side of the CD go up or
down?
Me: The shiny side goes down, ma'am.
Shuffling goes on in the background...
Her: Oh, your fixed it! You are a miracle worker!

Here's my vote for the return of the 8-track.

We, The (Ignorant) People...

A teenager calls me and wants me to help him copy a DVD. Like a movie
DVD. Like a illegal-to-copy movie DVD. Informing him of this leads to
this informative back-and-forth:

Me: I can't help you, sir. It's illegal to copy a DVD, just like it's
illegal to copy a tape or CD.
Him: You can copy a tape! It's protected under the 3rd Amendment!

Catching me off guard with that one, I rattle off some garbage about
the DMCA not allowing any recordings. It got rid of him well enough. But
it stuck with me. After the call, we looked up the 3rd Amendment. It
protects you against quartering soldiers in your home, and was written
in 1789.

Damn British. First they comandeer your house. Then they make copies of
Men in Black. Will they never learn?

To have and to hold...or your money back.

As usually happens on late night calls, I get a drunk customer. So
drunk you can almost smell beer through the phone. I ask him to verify
his computer serial number. He can't find it. I ask him for a phone
number. He can't remember. I try to search for his last name. He slurs
it so badly I though he sneezed. At this point, I tell him I can't help
him without any info. He then tells me he wants me to help him break his
computer.

Me: Sir, I can't help you do that. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I fix
computers, I don't break them.
Him: You don't understand. My wife chats with men on it while I'm at
work all day. If I break it, she can't talk to them.

Even with the impassioned plea of a man whose keyboard it getting more
action that he is, I had to decline. He wants to speak to my supervisor.
I tell him my supervisor can't do any more that I have. He insists. My
supervisor takes the call while I listen in on another line (and yes, we
can hear you). He goes through the same song-and-dance, and gets the
same reply. He then reveals this particularly juicy bit of info:

Him: She talks to these men on the computer and then brings them home!
She's already brought three of them home and slept with them while I'm
at work!
Rolling laughter from those of us out of earshot
Him: She also downloads pictures off the Internet of naked men and
hangs them up in our bedroom!
Hideous laughter from us that interrupts phone calls for other
technicians
Him: She even buys dildos! She has one that is this long!
We assumed this to be a length of about 12 inches, and began howling
laughter that made the callers think we were watching Clerks or
something.

The man then begins to complain about his life in general, as well as
his marriage. He even counseled my supervisor to avoid marriage at all
costs. At this point comes the greatest line every uttered on a call:

Supervisor: I'm sorry sir, but our company does not warranty your
marriage.
 
I never have to worry about being right, or wrong about things...There are no Losers or Winners in our System - We are all Equal and we are all here to help the kids become equally equal...[/QUOTE]lol
Now I understand your screen name
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I kid you not: My MOM called me from her office to come help her. She was too embarassed to call her company's own techs...

... she got a 3.5 inch disk stuck in the CD ROM drive!

It was a drive where you just slide the CD in and it pulls it in - she thought it was a floppy drive and the rest is wonderful history.

Seriously, it's amazing what people DON'T KNOW about operating a computer that 20 years ago would have taken up a whole room and required 15 people to keep it going. Now, 1 tech gets 100 PC's and 100+ idiots running them. No offense, mom ;)
 
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