Is this bed you have made worth lying in?
Why Are Some people such bastards.....
- Thread starter SHADiGUY1
- Start date
SANDFLEA85
Registered
I went throught the same scenario about 8 yrs ago,got divorced,she moved to Nj with my 2 kids,my attorney said I oculd stop it if I wanted to for 2 reason,
1,she cant take them out of state
2.she cant move them more then 50mi away without permission
I dont like my ex-wife but I love my kids,i felt it was a good move for them so I didnt say a word and make the drive (56mi each way( every fri and sunday) as long as they are happy Im happy.
so,he does have every right,I dont know his relationship with his child but dont assume he is just being a j/o.it is a majot PIA driving all over for soccer games,football,basketball,school plays...etc
goodluck
Projekt
Registered
This statement goes along the lines of what I would recommend. You are taking on alot of baggage in this situation. If she is unwilling to go full cut throat against the loser, you are the one who will take the brunt of the stress. You seem like someone who is willing to tolerate a lot of crap in the name of love. Good luck to you and be careful to not get taken advantage of.
afterhours
Registered
i say the following with all due respect....!
1. Is this really something you want to deal with?
this baby daddy BS will not stop. he will not suddenly see the light. he will probably not get off the drugs, and will always be a prick. eventually, if it has not happened already...you will be paying to fight this guy in court.
2. your girl picked this loser. so being the rebound guy after the loser is a bit risky. i would hate for you to get so invested, then her to cheat or get tired of you because you are "the nice,responsable man".
1. Is this really something you want to deal with?
this baby daddy BS will not stop. he will not suddenly see the light. he will probably not get off the drugs, and will always be a prick. eventually, if it has not happened already...you will be paying to fight this guy in court.
2. your girl picked this loser. so being the rebound guy after the loser is a bit risky. i would hate for you to get so invested, then her to cheat or get tired of you because you are "the nice,responsable man".
I've got to ask: What are your intentions with this woman?
- That man, like it or not, is the child's father; and you will have to deal with that until the child is an adult, minimum.
- Are you ready to be this child's surrogate dad, and accept those responsibilities?
Whether you like it or not, if you accept the woman, you must also accept responsibilty for the child - you can NOT be an 'uninteresed party'. If you are not prepared to be this child's surrogate dad (and act like a dad), you need to think long and hard. Understand that the dad, as big a bum as he might be, is incensed that his child is living in the house of another guy; given how much sexual abuse goes on in this manner, put yourself in his shoes - How would you feel if this was your child? If you have a child, you understand this, if you've never had a child, you can't possibly understand.
I've also, for a brief period of time (we reconciled and remarried) been on the losing end of this situation. A majority of the time, the dad is the one who suffers as the mom frequently uses the child as a weapon. The dad needs to get his head out of his a$$ and provide support for the child (NOT the mom). Moving out of state requires a court order for jurisdictional purposes. If the dad won't support the child, then she should ask for modification of the custody order. He should be willing to either meet halfway or swap the taking/picking up (and no matter what, you will eventually be involved with this, so you need to be extra cool). The only innocent is the child; parents need to behave like adult parents and do what they have to do (as distasteful as it is) so that child is not scarred emotionally (any more than they already will be) and permanently from this.
I paid my ass off for my daughter; I had to both go pick her up, AND take her back. It even got so stupid that I had to stand on the street and have my daughter walk to my car in the rain because my ex did not want me on the property (that I paid for). She entertained the idea of moving back home (4 hours one way) and I told her that I'd fight like hell to prevent that unless she was willing to do either the pickup/dropoff trip; I was not going to spend 16 hours of a weekend driving my daughter back and forth. My court order said "no overnight male guests" and "no living with a dude unless they were married" - I was paying enough to demand it. I had to keep my cool when there were several times I really didn't want to, but it paid off. Luckily, my wife reconsidered, and with a LOT of counseling we were able to reconcile.
I also, as a younger man, dated a woman with a small child (a little girl). I never got in the Dad's way. I sympathized with the tragedy of it. I really cared for the woman, but they lived 4 hours away, and she could not leave the state either. Eventually that led her to amicably break the relationship. I still remember her little girl; she was the sweetest thing and I was crazy about her (but having not been a dad yet, I can not compare the feeling I had for her vs. my feelings for my own daughter). I always wonder how she's doing or if she'd remember me....causes a pause....
- That man, like it or not, is the child's father; and you will have to deal with that until the child is an adult, minimum.
- Are you ready to be this child's surrogate dad, and accept those responsibilities?
Whether you like it or not, if you accept the woman, you must also accept responsibilty for the child - you can NOT be an 'uninteresed party'. If you are not prepared to be this child's surrogate dad (and act like a dad), you need to think long and hard. Understand that the dad, as big a bum as he might be, is incensed that his child is living in the house of another guy; given how much sexual abuse goes on in this manner, put yourself in his shoes - How would you feel if this was your child? If you have a child, you understand this, if you've never had a child, you can't possibly understand.
I've also, for a brief period of time (we reconciled and remarried) been on the losing end of this situation. A majority of the time, the dad is the one who suffers as the mom frequently uses the child as a weapon. The dad needs to get his head out of his a$$ and provide support for the child (NOT the mom). Moving out of state requires a court order for jurisdictional purposes. If the dad won't support the child, then she should ask for modification of the custody order. He should be willing to either meet halfway or swap the taking/picking up (and no matter what, you will eventually be involved with this, so you need to be extra cool). The only innocent is the child; parents need to behave like adult parents and do what they have to do (as distasteful as it is) so that child is not scarred emotionally (any more than they already will be) and permanently from this.
I paid my ass off for my daughter; I had to both go pick her up, AND take her back. It even got so stupid that I had to stand on the street and have my daughter walk to my car in the rain because my ex did not want me on the property (that I paid for). She entertained the idea of moving back home (4 hours one way) and I told her that I'd fight like hell to prevent that unless she was willing to do either the pickup/dropoff trip; I was not going to spend 16 hours of a weekend driving my daughter back and forth. My court order said "no overnight male guests" and "no living with a dude unless they were married" - I was paying enough to demand it. I had to keep my cool when there were several times I really didn't want to, but it paid off. Luckily, my wife reconsidered, and with a LOT of counseling we were able to reconcile.
I also, as a younger man, dated a woman with a small child (a little girl). I never got in the Dad's way. I sympathized with the tragedy of it. I really cared for the woman, but they lived 4 hours away, and she could not leave the state either. Eventually that led her to amicably break the relationship. I still remember her little girl; she was the sweetest thing and I was crazy about her (but having not been a dad yet, I can not compare the feeling I had for her vs. my feelings for my own daughter). I always wonder how she's doing or if she'd remember me....causes a pause....
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Aquaman
Banned Permanently By MC Mustang
There is a lot of truth here...you really should follow your heart because it is not an easy road but if you love her and her child then the rewards far out weigh any hardship you will face. I say this from direct experience.
Yup... just as I figured!
Look here son...awww forget it....Lycan take care of my light work, will ya?
point is that SHE mot not be very healthy if she has had a divorce, a new ex-husband, a kid in under 1 year old and a new live in boyfriend all in the space of a year... sorry but have seen this before and does not look promising is all.. life is tough enough without taking on this kind of headache..
was kind of the point of my first post
they were never married. Ive known her from my childhood. I lost contact when she went away to school. Ive known her for quite a while no i have never nor would i foot the bill for any legal litigation in the matter. Her parents have the means to help her and they do.
lol somehow it got mixed up it is a little boy i just noticed everyone saying little girl . lol. But either way im not trying to go anywhere . Like i said this is a child hood friend as well that just so happend to turn into something else later down the road which is the case
Paulie1300
Registered
Why you gotta pick on my buddy???
Little boy?
ahh forget it. boys need to be toughened up. the harder childhood is on him the tougher he will be and willl be able to handle things in the future better.
The sooner he learns to drink his problems away the better he will be able to deal with marriage and his own kids down the road.
Most guys are bitter anyway, might as well startem off early
j/k sorry, couldnt resist
SRSLY? Yeah, that's prolly a good idea. Let the little boy turn into a deadbeat just like his dad.
SHADI, props to ya for stepping up and taking care of the kid when his real dad wouldn't. The path you are heading down is not an easy one.The right thing to do isn't always the most popular thing to do.
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