Bigbody
Registered
Gripe Sheet
>
>After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe
>sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
>mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and
>then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
>some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked
>with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
>engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never
>had an accident.
>
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
>
>And the best one for last..................
>
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S: Took hammer away from midget
>
>After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe
>sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
>mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and
>then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
>some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked
>with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
>engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never
>had an accident.
>
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
>
>And the best one for last..................
>
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S: Took hammer away from midget
