Too serious around here. We need a laugh!

[busa-saga]

my ribs are hurting...but i'll contribute

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

 

[busa-saga]

one more...

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[Projekt]

 

[AJAY]

Hey, this is good. I didn't expect all the new jokes to be posted. Here's another one to keep things going.....
***************************************

Two sperm are swimming along and one sperm asks the other, "Which way to the fallopian tubes?"

The other sperm says, "Fallopian tubes? I don't think we've even passed the tonsils yet!"

 

[NCpanther01]

an old farmer has a chicken coop with only one rooster. He's getting old and the farmer thinks he should get a new one so he does. The farmer brings in this young, handsome rooster. Now the young rooster is walking around with his chest out and all the chickens are talking. The old **** gets pissed and goes up to the youngter and says ' this coop isn't big enough for the both of us, I challange you to a race around the barn and whoever loses has to leave." the young rooster says 'please old man, are you kidding. I'm younger, stronger, faster, hell I'm so fast I'll give you a head start." the old rooster agrees. Meanwhile the chickens are getting fiesty. excited to see the race and wondering who is gonna stay. So they set it up, ten laps around the barn. The older rooster has a half of a lap head start. the race begins and the chickens are going crazy, some for the older rooster and some for the younger. 4 or 5 laps into the race the younger rooster realizes that the old man is much faster than he anticipated but he is gaining. 7 laps and the young rooster is right on his tail. Inside the house the farmer hears all the commotion and thinks a wolf may be in the barn so he grabs his rifle. runs out on the front porch. he sees the new rooster gaining on the old rooster and shoots the youngster dead in his tracks. then he says to himself 'good lord, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month'


O'My that was Funnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyy

 

[NCpanther01]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."



O another!

 

[outlawbusa]

LMAO

 

[Mr Bogus]

an old farmer has a chicken coop with only one rooster. He's getting old and the farmer thinks he should get a new one so he does. The farmer brings in this young, handsome rooster. Now the young rooster is walking around with his chest out and all the chickens are talking. The old **** gets pissed and goes up to the youngter and says ' this coop isn't big enough for the both of us, I challange you to a race around the barn and whoever loses has to leave." the young rooster says 'please old man, are you kidding. I'm younger, stronger, faster, hell I'm so fast I'll give you a head start." the old rooster agrees. Meanwhile the chickens are getting fiesty. excited to see the race and wondering who is gonna stay. So they set it up, ten laps around the barn. The older rooster has a half of a lap head start. the race begins and the chickens are going crazy, some for the older rooster and some for the younger. 4 or 5 laps into the race the younger rooster realizes that the old man is much faster than he anticipated but he is gaining. 7 laps and the young rooster is right on his tail. Inside the house the farmer hears all the commotion and thinks a wolf may be in the barn so he grabs his rifle. runs out on the front porch. he sees the new rooster gaining on the old rooster and shoots the youngster dead in his tracks. then he says to himself 'good lord, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month'


O'My that was Funnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyy

"Old age and treachery will overcome youth and enthusiasm..." (old Greek Proverb but apparently was not lost on the chickens)

 

[MET]

 

[busa-saga]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."



O another!

i beat you to posting this joke!!

 

[busa-saga]

now am in a mode..

Bert and Mary were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.

Bert suddenly said, "Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to
immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now, why would you want me to do something like that?" Mary asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other
******* using my stuff...."

"What makes you think I’d marry another *******?"

 

[Bosshound]

Wife Says to Her Husband.............For My birthday "Take somewhere I have Never Been Before" ................He Takes Her to the Kitchen

 

[PADEROLIS]

This is a true story told to me by a coworker: He and his dad were driving in a small town when they were pulled over by a local LEO. The officer asked his dad if he knew why he had been stopped, the dad replied no. The officer told him he had failed to make a complete stop at the sign a little ways back. The dad explained to the officer that the sign in question was a YIELD sign and that he approached it, slowed to yield to other traffic (there was none), and then proceeded as it was safe.


After hearing this explaination, the officer scratched his head and said " Is that what that son of a b***h mean?! Without another word he turned, went back to his car and drove away!!

My buddy swears this really happened!

 

[FastBusa]

 

[rock28star]

 

[wht_scorpion]

 

[flynjay]

Copy and paste from my local forum...but funny!!!

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ' Dad , what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your broth er if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo

 

[sleepless_red]

This is a true story. Happened when my wife and I were walking around in downtown NY. I saw this wonder bra on display so I said to her (I was kidding her, of course), "You should buy one of those." She said, "Why?". I said, "because.... you don't have any." She goes, "Oh yeah? Then you should go and buy a wonder brief. 'Cause you don't have any, either."

 

[AJAY]

So, true stories now. Ok.....

A female coworker of ours was leaving the company for a new opportunity. We were definitely not a politically correct group, with lots of sexual and other "inappropriate" joking after work at the bar. So we're having a little going away party for Nanette and Diane has bought her a bunch of gag gifts as going away presents.

One was a pencil with, um, a male member on the tip as an eraser. We're all laughing as we pass these gifts around to see. I start to hand the pencil to my coworker Rick who was reaching retirement age.

Without missing a beat, Rick says, "No thanks. I already have a small p3nis."