The Elderly

badassbusa03

I have a busa and might start modding it
Donating Member
Registered
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The
bank manager
thought it amusing enough to have it published in
the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check
with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed
between his presenting the check and the arrival in
my account of thefunds needed to honor it. I refer, of course,
to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check,
an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by
way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident
has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone
calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by theimpersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless
entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank by check,addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to
complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows
about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must
be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details
of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
press buttons as follows:


1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later
date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy
an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
 

dadofthree

Seasoned Beef
Donating Member
Registered
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