Real Random Thoughts PART TWO





busa-josh

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#1
Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in
common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to
do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to
happen.

It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or not. Valentine's
Day almost always ****ing sucks.

I think the worst STD you could ever get is babies.

I am barely out of college and I already am beginning to feel out of
touch with the younger generation. What the heck is Twitter?

Why are there never fat people in fast food commercials, despite the
fact that they're practically furniture in those places? Seems a
little obesist to me...

Used coffee and soda cups are like mini-trash cans for your
car's cupholders.

I laugh every time I see a "Slow Children at Play" sign. They should
really put a comma in there... I'm going to hell.

Anyone who says working out in the morning "gives them energy
throughout the day" is full of ****.


That is a shirt, not a dress. And Leggings are not the same as
pants.

It's never going to be a good night when you're the most sober
member of the drunken **** show you call your friends.

I had to watch a sexual harassment training video for work. The
video showed a day in the life of a small-chested, very bland-looking
girl who repeatedly got hit on by co-workers, clients, and even her
bosses. My first thought while watching was "there is no way this
chick is hot enough to be getting sexually harassed this much." My
second thought was "I'm going to get my company sued one day, aren't
I?"

There are a lot of things that I don't do just because it really
annoys me when other people do it. Getting married, or even being in a
serious relationship is quickly moving to the top of that list.

Cops should be able to pull over people who don't turn right on red.

If the law was really serious about catching drunk drivers,
shouldn't they just setup their checkpoints at every fast food drive
thru after midnight on the weekends?

I'm happy with my non-iPhone, non-Blackberry cell phone. It makes
calls when I press the green button and stops them when I press the
red button, and I can even send text messages. This is probably
already more functionality than I need.

Nothing throws you into a state of panic like getting a phantom
vibrate from an empty pocket.


Won't the ShamWOW just soak up all the water when you throw it in
the washing machine?

If we're talking, and I say, "That's hilarious" without laughing,
I've completely stopped listening to what you are saying.*

The most glorious ten seconds after you and your date have parted
ways is when you finally succumb to your flatulence.

I like to give my friends checks when I owe them money rather than
cash, just so I can write stuff like "last night" in the 'For'
section.

I need new drinking friends, the type that will be single when I am
and in a relationship when I am, not consistently the opposite no
matter what.*

Facebook is the only place where being married is usually less
serious than being in a relationship.

I used to get really nervous when checking my grades online for
college, not knowing what to expect. Now that I have graduated college
the closest I can get to that same feeling is when I check my bank
statements online after a vacation.

The English language needs a word to describe the situation where
two people start talking at the same time, then both stop at the same
time, then both offer that the other go first at the same time.

Im pretty sure I get 'self beer goggles'. The more beers I drink the
hotter I appear in the mirror. Sad downfall to reality when I see
those facebook photos of the previous night and realize how awful I
actually look when wasted.

I'm pretty content with our occasional hookups, at least until
someone better comes around...

The scariest 10 seconds ever is when you are double checking who you
just sent a text message to... just in case.

The next girl that complains to me about not having any money, while
carrying a Coach purse is going to get punched in the face.

I don't understand why everyone with superpowers is either a
superhero or a supervillain. What about superlazy? If I was Spiderman,
I would use my powers to get my ass the remote. Oh, my stupid roommate
left it next to the TV? THWAPP. If I was the Human Torch, I would
never ever wait for my oven to get to 350. I would have Funfetti cake
now. And if I was Mr. Fantastic, well I'll let your imagination run
with that one, but let's just say I wouldn't leave my house often.

I have the deepest desire for my turn signal to be perfectly in sync
with the person in front of me.

Me? Oh no. I didn't stay here and let my dreams slowly die in the
same backwater town I grew up in, like you did. I'm just home for the
holidays. Well, it's nice seeing you. Bye.*

When I'm at a bar and I run out of things to say to someone, I'll
often squint at a nearby TV just to make it look like I'm really
concentrating.

* As a former bouncer at a bar, I don't think that there is anything
funnier than turning on the ugly lights at 2am and watching the looks
on peoples faces, as they realize what they are about to sleep with.

I came to the realization this morning that I don't need Google, or
Wikipedia, ever again because apparently my wife knows
everything.*

Yeah I we did it. When we make eye contact in a bar the least you
could do is nod and lift your beer.*


Dear snow, Yes, you are very pretty but none the less screw you.

I wish my office had a confessional like on the 'Real World'

I wish Taco Bell delivered.

I wonder how much of my memory is devoted to song lyrics.

Verizon Wireless, could you please give me a few more time intervals
to choose from when it comes to the "snooze" option on your cell
phones? Having to hit the snooze button again every 5 minutes is a
terrible joke to play on someone and a complete pain in the ass for
me.

Do you ever feel like the pharmacists are judging you when you drop
off a prescription?
 
#12
So as I was reading this I sent a few to the wife so we could both laugh... I was so wrong!!

from the post " I wonder how much of my memory is devoted to song lyrics."
from the wife "omg.. i seriously was just thinking that!! bc i sang every word to like 5 country songs in a row today!!"

and now I am thinking I should have never got married!
 

busa-josh

Got Tires?
Donating Member
Registered
#14
So as I was reading this I sent a few to the wife so we could both laugh... I was so wrong!!

from the post " I wonder how much of my memory is devoted to song lyrics."
from the wife "omg.. i seriously was just thinking that!! bc i sang every word to like 5 country songs in a row today!!"

and now I am thinking I should have never got married!
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

that is too funny
 

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