Well folks?..after pulling 5/10's this week at work?..friday night after work?..i got to run across town twice...once to drop my loving two oldest daughters off at a friday night birthday party and once to pick'em back up...at 10:00pm..got ta bed at about 11:00 aned woke up at 6:00am to start work saturday by 6:30am..then after 4 hours sat. O/T?...i arrive home to my parents car in the driveway..with my father standing in my daughters bedroom window...pulling out shattered glass from my two oldest forgetting their house key and deciding to break into my house (so they could get dressed for the party) and in the process broke the glass bedroom window...why didn't they tell me?...easy...they were aafraid that i'd of been so pi$$ed off that i wouldn't take/drive or let them go to this fri. night party that was so important to them...they were correct...to boot?...the sneaky 'lil shids had covered the broken window with saran wrap....to hide and camoflaug their sins..so dad might not notice...and sob i didn't...hey...we were in a hurry.
My mother and father and wife were all in on this but what they didn't know was that i would rise and return from work so early..and they got a late start...trying to fix it behind my back and "cover" for their blessed grand-daughters....and as i pulled up into my own driveway?...it became glarringly apparent that...."Operation Fix Shattered Window"...had officially been busted...with my dad first asking....
1. WTF are you doing home so early?
closely followed with...
2. "Can you believe some sob threw a rock through your daughters window?"
My answer?: "No..as a matter of fact i can't believe anyone would hate any member of my family that bad."
I was right...then after my parents (freshly caught in a bald face lie) ran all over town to get my window frame re-glazed?..and my daughters fetched all of the broken glass they threw to hide...BACK OUT... of the woods in the vacant lot next door?..i gave them all a short lecture about how wrong it is to hide things from family members and how folks don't much appreciate family members sneaking around behind folks back..and lieing...and decieving..and then i told them all just how foolish this all was as all my daughters needed to do was call and i'd of told them about the spare house key i hid under the bird waterer.....shoulda seen the faces on them then...and of course?...i lied...there is no spare house key hidden under anywhere.
But my my 1 1/2 day weekend was not complete yet...as after i took wifey out for her 42nd BD dinner last night?...I came home emotionally and physically exhausted...fell asleep in the recliner...woke up at 3:00am....decided i'd be more comfy in bed...TV off..sleep'in shorts on....head on pillow...prayers said...nigthty nite...and then?...
HOOOOOLLLLYYY FUUUUUGGGGG!!!
my nite shorts?.....full of fire ants....i panicked...jumped up outta bed...stumbling and half falling towards the bathroom in a race to both rip my shorts off and rush into the shower all the while clawing at unmentionable areas of my body like a madman...once in the shower?...i thought "Holy Crap! Rachel!"...my youngest daughter who had climbed in bed positioned between me and my wife..and surely after me laying there that long before they finally launched the ATTACK BITE'IM NOW SIGNAL?...hundreds must be in bed with my 9 year old daughter...panicking to get them off myself as the shower water flushed them out of my groin area and azz crack washing them solidly into the channels located between my freaking toes where they all clung on to take one last bite i screamed!....EDNA!!!!!...GET RACHEL OUTTA BED!...I'M Covered In Red Ants!!!!...she was already awake...(i musta woke her from her sound sleep while i was screaming cuss words like a little girl)...and was wiping them out and up left and right off our bedroom floor and picked them out of the bed before they got to our daughter.
My job today on my one day off?...popping lil white puss pockets off of areas of my own body that i've never seen before..my wife inquired?.."wonder where they all came from?"...i hadta wonder too!
But what i think is this...ants in general have been mograting into my home the past few days by the hords...and we're in the midst of florida's worst drought ever since 1895...and when i see ants move into my home like this?...heading for higher ground enmass?...we gotz some badazz rains and flooding coming...soon.
L8R, PoPP'in Bill.
My mother and father and wife were all in on this but what they didn't know was that i would rise and return from work so early..and they got a late start...trying to fix it behind my back and "cover" for their blessed grand-daughters....and as i pulled up into my own driveway?...it became glarringly apparent that...."Operation Fix Shattered Window"...had officially been busted...with my dad first asking....
1. WTF are you doing home so early?
closely followed with...
2. "Can you believe some sob threw a rock through your daughters window?"
My answer?: "No..as a matter of fact i can't believe anyone would hate any member of my family that bad."
I was right...then after my parents (freshly caught in a bald face lie) ran all over town to get my window frame re-glazed?..and my daughters fetched all of the broken glass they threw to hide...BACK OUT... of the woods in the vacant lot next door?..i gave them all a short lecture about how wrong it is to hide things from family members and how folks don't much appreciate family members sneaking around behind folks back..and lieing...and decieving..and then i told them all just how foolish this all was as all my daughters needed to do was call and i'd of told them about the spare house key i hid under the bird waterer.....shoulda seen the faces on them then...and of course?...i lied...there is no spare house key hidden under anywhere.
But my my 1 1/2 day weekend was not complete yet...as after i took wifey out for her 42nd BD dinner last night?...I came home emotionally and physically exhausted...fell asleep in the recliner...woke up at 3:00am....decided i'd be more comfy in bed...TV off..sleep'in shorts on....head on pillow...prayers said...nigthty nite...and then?...
HOOOOOLLLLYYY FUUUUUGGGGG!!!
my nite shorts?.....full of fire ants....i panicked...jumped up outta bed...stumbling and half falling towards the bathroom in a race to both rip my shorts off and rush into the shower all the while clawing at unmentionable areas of my body like a madman...once in the shower?...i thought "Holy Crap! Rachel!"...my youngest daughter who had climbed in bed positioned between me and my wife..and surely after me laying there that long before they finally launched the ATTACK BITE'IM NOW SIGNAL?...hundreds must be in bed with my 9 year old daughter...panicking to get them off myself as the shower water flushed them out of my groin area and azz crack washing them solidly into the channels located between my freaking toes where they all clung on to take one last bite i screamed!....EDNA!!!!!...GET RACHEL OUTTA BED!...I'M Covered In Red Ants!!!!...she was already awake...(i musta woke her from her sound sleep while i was screaming cuss words like a little girl)...and was wiping them out and up left and right off our bedroom floor and picked them out of the bed before they got to our daughter.
My job today on my one day off?...popping lil white puss pockets off of areas of my own body that i've never seen before..my wife inquired?.."wonder where they all came from?"...i hadta wonder too!
But what i think is this...ants in general have been mograting into my home the past few days by the hords...and we're in the midst of florida's worst drought ever since 1895...and when i see ants move into my home like this?...heading for higher ground enmass?...we gotz some badazz rains and flooding coming...soon.
L8R, PoPP'in Bill.
