AS YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BY NOW...THE DARWIN AWARDS ARE GIVEN OUT BY SOME GROUP EVERY YEAR, TO THOSE PEOPLE THAT FIND THE
MOST INVENTIVE WAYS TO REMOVE THEMSELVES FROM LIFE . THIS YEARS WINNERS CERTAINLY ARE OWED A DEBT OF GRATITUDE FOR MAKING
US ALL LOOK BRIGHTER....ENJOY
(IF THAT IS THE PROPER WORD FOR IT).....
The candidates this year are.
Eighth Place:
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.
Seventh Place:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets
into his mouth and pull the trigger. As Ron White often says : " You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal condition.
Third Place:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous
record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew
their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA , WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridgeat 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said
Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham 's Foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...BRACE
YOURSELF.....
Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded onhim."The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock
and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It Seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "Sh-t happens!"
MOST INVENTIVE WAYS TO REMOVE THEMSELVES FROM LIFE . THIS YEARS WINNERS CERTAINLY ARE OWED A DEBT OF GRATITUDE FOR MAKING
US ALL LOOK BRIGHTER....ENJOY
(IF THAT IS THE PROPER WORD FOR IT).....
The candidates this year are.
Eighth Place:
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.
Seventh Place:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets
into his mouth and pull the trigger. As Ron White often says : " You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal condition.
Third Place:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous
record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew
their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA , WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridgeat 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said
Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham 's Foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...BRACE
YOURSELF.....
Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded onhim."The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock
and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It Seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "Sh-t happens!"
