Here once again are the annual Darwin Awards. Among our favorites:
Honorable Mention:
12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma,, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car while driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the
other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. "All I can say " said Bingham "is that God was watching
out for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS:
1) Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed
his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung
for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time
he suffocated.
Honorable Mention:
12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma,, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car while driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the
other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. "All I can say " said Bingham "is that God was watching
out for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS:
1) Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed
his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung
for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time
he suffocated.
