Where's the update, Bill? 
At 3:00pm this past friday ***NOT KID SAFE***
- Thread starter JINKSTER
- Start date
Speed King
Banned
I have been to A.A, treatment and everything else.
I don"t believe in all that B.S
Nobody knows you better than yourself and the only person that can help you is YOURSELF.
We all have choices in life whether it be bad or good, I know you can do it, it will be hard at first but soon it will be in the past, you can make the right choice or lose everything and die. The choice is yours.
I don"t believe in all that B.S
Nobody knows you better than yourself and the only person that can help you is YOURSELF.
We all have choices in life whether it be bad or good, I know you can do it, it will be hard at first but soon it will be in the past, you can make the right choice or lose everything and die. The choice is yours.
Hang in there Jinks, remember; the strongest tree in the forest is the one that bends, bend but don't break. You can do it.
Jinks, how ya hangin man? One day at a time and everyday take note that life is getting a little better everyday ....it will be a demon u fight everyday...but it can be caged and put into one of the dark corners in the attic...hang in there baby...there is an old Sanskrit saying that I used to make my boyscouts memorize before I would let them into the meeting room...."The Path of Least Resistence...leads to crooked rivers and crooked men". I know u have had enough of crooked and may God bless u the strength necessary to find the straight path again...call me anytime u like if u need someone to talk to...I will listen... pim me if u want my number...
mr8ball
Registered
Jinks, I had to go through some of the same thing with Methadone. It was bad as you say but I like you did it. I still take one every few days when the back pain really gets bad but it's not 5 a day anymore. You have to stay strong and we believe in you and know we are here to support you all the way. Best of luck, Doug
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I just left him a vmail on his cell. I'm sure hes ok .
Hes gonna make it thru this and he and I have talked alot lately.
His financial predicament changed for the better. Hes been happy to be going to his meetings and happy to have met a sponsor whos willing to help him.
Relapse I dont think will happen nor anything worse.
Very soon it will be 'Granpa Jinks' and he knows and is very excited about this coming event.
He will be clean and sober the first time he looks into his grandchilds eyes or my name aint Blanca Busa !
Hes gonna make it thru this and he and I have talked alot lately.
His financial predicament changed for the better. Hes been happy to be going to his meetings and happy to have met a sponsor whos willing to help him.
Relapse I dont think will happen nor anything worse.
Very soon it will be 'Granpa Jinks' and he knows and is very excited about this coming event.
He will be clean and sober the first time he looks into his grandchilds eyes or my name aint Blanca Busa !
Just spoke to him and he's fine . Struggling but fine .
hey folks...Saiid (aka: Blanca Busa) just texted me and told me i needed to update this thread cause.."folks was wonderin bout me"..so without further adue?...i apologize for not getin back sooner..was on briefly a day or two ago but never saw this thread..figured it disolved into cyberspace..and?..i got good news...today at 3:00pm?..i have 7 days completely narcotic free...
the bad news?..i was a fugg'in horror show...my wife skyed out with my two youngest to the blueridge for my 52nd BD/Kick Narcotics weekend..and they stayed gone for 4 days and nights...leaving daddy to deal with his demons on his own..in hindsight?...i think it was a good thing...cause..
since i was already weening down from anywheres between 3-5 30mgs a day?...i stayed at 2 a day throught my 3 day 4th of july weekend...then 2 tuesday...then 1 1/2 wednesday...then just 1 pill both thursday and finally fri @ 3:00pm a week ago..and it went like this..
Since i was already in a full body burn from weening?..i didn't sleep all friday night....or saturday...and sat. night?..i truely thought i was going to die alone in my bed as i lay there in the fetal position with a pillow between my legs...sweating...shivers...chills..w/ moments of full body tremors...all night long..and all night long?..i think i almost rubbed the plating off the cross saiid got me from larnaca begging god to help me live through the night without taking the ultimate cure..which crossed my mind literally dozens of times that evening..i held on repeating to myself "This Too Shall Pass"...then morning came..and i gotta tell ya..i wasnt too thrilled about that at that point as well..was like it got worse..the burning...the full body ache...every joint owned had a heartbeat throbbing of its own...nightmarish withdrawls...and proceeded to not get a single moments sleep for 4-5 nights in a row...think i was gettin delerious last night...dont remember 1/2 of it before going to bed but..what i do remember?..is i actually slept hard enough to have a dream by night #6...last night...and if i smoke a lot of top shelf weed?..i can make it through the rough spots..as to this day of 7 days of no narcotic pain killers whatsoever?...about once every 2 or so hours i still get hit with full bore syptoms that last about 10-15 minutes..which is when i step out of the shop and have a cig..rub my cross and pray..cause i also worked all week through this withdrawal process..couldnt afford not to.
anyways..i'm happy man..the worst is definantlt behind me and after suffering through that shid?..you'd hafta whoop my azz naked to force me to take one for free..and i'd prolly choose to die of the azzwhoopin cause i dont ever wanna feel that fugged up again..for eterenity.
BTW: Never sold my sweetazz rifle...so?..i gota keep my heavy barreled .308 sniper rifle with $1,000 worth of swarovski glass on top cause?..i got by selling my G19 Glock to a guy at work for $500..an it was enough to sqeak by with and rid my mind of self inflicted financial woes..and that helped big time as well..pressure sux.
Thats about it folks and thank you all for your support, Kind words and prayers through all this..i truely appreciate it..even some of the harsher comments...they hit home..got my azz back on track..truely enjoying going back to my meetings..sux that i lost my 16 years clean and sober but...at least i learned from it..one odd thing though..certain members of my family are truely concerned that im stopping everything..going back to complete abstinance from all drugs and alcohol..and i actually had my 17 year old daughter begging me to please at least keep smokin weed and drinking (even though she does neither) cause she remembers what i was like when i was clean and sober and she cant take me like that anymore...with fear in her eyes...and i told her..no dear..its not that you cant take me like that anymore...its that you know you cant manipulate me when i'm not like that anymore...and that scares the shid outta ya doesnt it?...she stood up and stormed away..so did wifey when we had a simular convo a few hours later..just last night.
Some positive changes are coming to my life folks..and i have NA...a great and wise NA sponsor..some wonderful close friends (re:Saiid and Jesse)..including the members of this board..and my higher power whom i choose to call God that helped me live through this to survive myself and save my life..even if it is just to start new begings..or?..save ALL that i almost lost...ethier way..beats fug otta checkin out..which sends chills up my spine when i think of how close i came to doing just that..thank you all and?..
L8R, Bill.
the bad news?..i was a fugg'in horror show...my wife skyed out with my two youngest to the blueridge for my 52nd BD/Kick Narcotics weekend..and they stayed gone for 4 days and nights...leaving daddy to deal with his demons on his own..in hindsight?...i think it was a good thing...cause..
since i was already weening down from anywheres between 3-5 30mgs a day?...i stayed at 2 a day throught my 3 day 4th of july weekend...then 2 tuesday...then 1 1/2 wednesday...then just 1 pill both thursday and finally fri @ 3:00pm a week ago..and it went like this..
Since i was already in a full body burn from weening?..i didn't sleep all friday night....or saturday...and sat. night?..i truely thought i was going to die alone in my bed as i lay there in the fetal position with a pillow between my legs...sweating...shivers...chills..w/ moments of full body tremors...all night long..and all night long?..i think i almost rubbed the plating off the cross saiid got me from larnaca begging god to help me live through the night without taking the ultimate cure..which crossed my mind literally dozens of times that evening..i held on repeating to myself "This Too Shall Pass"...then morning came..and i gotta tell ya..i wasnt too thrilled about that at that point as well..was like it got worse..the burning...the full body ache...every joint owned had a heartbeat throbbing of its own...nightmarish withdrawls...and proceeded to not get a single moments sleep for 4-5 nights in a row...think i was gettin delerious last night...dont remember 1/2 of it before going to bed but..what i do remember?..is i actually slept hard enough to have a dream by night #6...last night...and if i smoke a lot of top shelf weed?..i can make it through the rough spots..as to this day of 7 days of no narcotic pain killers whatsoever?...about once every 2 or so hours i still get hit with full bore syptoms that last about 10-15 minutes..which is when i step out of the shop and have a cig..rub my cross and pray..cause i also worked all week through this withdrawal process..couldnt afford not to.
anyways..i'm happy man..the worst is definantlt behind me and after suffering through that shid?..you'd hafta whoop my azz naked to force me to take one for free..and i'd prolly choose to die of the azzwhoopin cause i dont ever wanna feel that fugged up again..for eterenity.
BTW: Never sold my sweetazz rifle...so?..i gota keep my heavy barreled .308 sniper rifle with $1,000 worth of swarovski glass on top cause?..i got by selling my G19 Glock to a guy at work for $500..an it was enough to sqeak by with and rid my mind of self inflicted financial woes..and that helped big time as well..pressure sux.
Thats about it folks and thank you all for your support, Kind words and prayers through all this..i truely appreciate it..even some of the harsher comments...they hit home..got my azz back on track..truely enjoying going back to my meetings..sux that i lost my 16 years clean and sober but...at least i learned from it..one odd thing though..certain members of my family are truely concerned that im stopping everything..going back to complete abstinance from all drugs and alcohol..and i actually had my 17 year old daughter begging me to please at least keep smokin weed and drinking (even though she does neither) cause she remembers what i was like when i was clean and sober and she cant take me like that anymore...with fear in her eyes...and i told her..no dear..its not that you cant take me like that anymore...its that you know you cant manipulate me when i'm not like that anymore...and that scares the shid outta ya doesnt it?...she stood up and stormed away..so did wifey when we had a simular convo a few hours later..just last night.
Some positive changes are coming to my life folks..and i have NA...a great and wise NA sponsor..some wonderful close friends (re:Saiid and Jesse)..including the members of this board..and my higher power whom i choose to call God that helped me live through this to survive myself and save my life..even if it is just to start new begings..or?..save ALL that i almost lost...ethier way..beats fug otta checkin out..which sends chills up my spine when i think of how close i came to doing just that..thank you all and?..
L8R, Bill.
Jinks , I was in the same boat 20 plus years ago..I do understand Totally ,, I woke up one Saturday morning with the cravings . And just said thats enough ! No mas !!!! I never looked back and never touched any stuff again. To this day i have to be dieing just to take an aspirin .. Never again. Just make up your mind , and go for it.. An old Military general told me once " Every day when you wake up there are 2 suitcases next to your bed , one has success and the other has BS. which one you want to carry? " it might seem the Successful case is a lil more heavier , but its not !! The BS one seems to be easier to handle but it leads nowhere !!!!!! So tomorrow when you wake up picture the 2 cases next to your bed and decide that moment what you want to carry.. You'll do right and you have support and friend everywhere you look.. Keep your head up... Cheers
Bill always here for you 24/7 just call .
And I hope kids are reading this and realizing what you're going thru is where they are heading if they are doing the same .
Drugs don't pay , they don't make you better and in the end they will leave you with nothing !!
Get better , your almost thru it GRANDPA
And I hope kids are reading this and realizing what you're going thru is where they are heading if they are doing the same .
Drugs don't pay , they don't make you better and in the end they will leave you with nothing !!
Get better , your almost thru it GRANDPA
thanks everyone...and yeah...it really truely sux...the withdrawls are just the 1/2 of it...the other 1/2 is what i can best describe as "an awaking to reality"...of how much damage has been done over the past several years..lotsa backsliding by everyone around me..the co-dependents..the ones who lie and betray me on a daily basis..taking advantage of both my drug induced good nature and my disease..last night threw me for a loop as my 12 year old daughter told me as i was about to sit down at my own dinner table and commence grace saying...
"Have A Seat Ya Punk"
now i gotta tell ya..i'm a 52 year old former cub scout, boy scout and US Marine and that just didn't set well with me..and when i addressed it?...my wife scoffed like she was hackin up a lewgy..like just sit down and lets hold hands and say grace..so..i sat down and held hands but...didnt say grace..like i ALWAYS do at my own dinner table in my own home..and when i got the "Oh C'Mon Dad"?..i said..my God doesnt allow "punks" to say grace..i expect an apology for that shid..none was given...my oldest daughter proceeded to take it upon herself to say grace (cause her chicken alfredo was getting cold).. and after the amens?..i stood up and excused myself from dinner..sulked in the garage deep in thought regarding how i've sunken so low and?..went to bed hungry..and i gotta tell ya..this shid aint workin for me folks...i'm done being disrespected in my own home, lied to and betray by the very people i've provided for for 2 decades..i aint got no more lil blue pills to make it all go away.. gotta deal with it heads up..and omg how disfunctional my family has become..and all under big momma bears leadership..always shutting me down anytime i ever addressed any behavioral problems with any of the 3 of our daughters which is a huge part of what drove me to give up 16+ years clean and sober and break down for that 1st drink in 2002..like i said..changes are a comin..unfortunately?..i should've just made those changes happen about 8 years ago...when i 1st knew i was beginning to be disrespected in my own home by my own family.
Thanks again and wish me luck folks an l8r, Bill.
"Have A Seat Ya Punk"
now i gotta tell ya..i'm a 52 year old former cub scout, boy scout and US Marine and that just didn't set well with me..and when i addressed it?...my wife scoffed like she was hackin up a lewgy..like just sit down and lets hold hands and say grace..so..i sat down and held hands but...didnt say grace..like i ALWAYS do at my own dinner table in my own home..and when i got the "Oh C'Mon Dad"?..i said..my God doesnt allow "punks" to say grace..i expect an apology for that shid..none was given...my oldest daughter proceeded to take it upon herself to say grace (cause her chicken alfredo was getting cold).. and after the amens?..i stood up and excused myself from dinner..sulked in the garage deep in thought regarding how i've sunken so low and?..went to bed hungry..and i gotta tell ya..this shid aint workin for me folks...i'm done being disrespected in my own home, lied to and betray by the very people i've provided for for 2 decades..i aint got no more lil blue pills to make it all go away.. gotta deal with it heads up..and omg how disfunctional my family has become..and all under big momma bears leadership..always shutting me down anytime i ever addressed any behavioral problems with any of the 3 of our daughters which is a huge part of what drove me to give up 16+ years clean and sober and break down for that 1st drink in 2002..like i said..changes are a comin..unfortunately?..i should've just made those changes happen about 8 years ago...when i 1st knew i was beginning to be disrespected in my own home by my own family.
Thanks again and wish me luck folks an l8r, Bill.
Blue'87GT
Registered
Bill-Although I haven't been on here long, nor have I even spoke to you once, please take the following with all the respect possible.
Good on you for taking the big step of getting off of the Oxys! Obviously you saw the light, and made a huge step in improving your personal life, as well as helping to correct your financial woes.
Take it easy in your new sober state. No doubt as you have said that they had taken advantage of your previous state, however, you cannot expect them to change the moment you become sober. Don't be so quick to jump on your family...it's an adjustment period for them as well as yourself, dealing with the "new you." Take it easy, slow, and make deliberate steps to mend the relationships with your wife and children. Jumping straight to hard ass status can only serve to push them away, making it even harder to maintain your new fragile sober state! Remember to show your kids the most love that you can...while at the same time not letting them step over the line.
Lastly, please don't show disrespect to our Lord, just to display your anger over a statement made by your family. He stood by you through your recent hard times...do the same for Him. This should also be clearly visible to your family! The lord has let plenty of "punks" to speak to him, don't let someone else's statement make you step away. Be the father and leader of your household at all times. Never step away from that role as the leader of your family dinners, no matter what the current status of the conversation.
In short...Love your family, love the Lord, and TAKE IT EASY through this big adjustment period. Your family will continue to love you, but the adjustment period WILL take some time.
Best of luck in your new better life!---Nick
Good on you for taking the big step of getting off of the Oxys! Obviously you saw the light, and made a huge step in improving your personal life, as well as helping to correct your financial woes.
Take it easy in your new sober state. No doubt as you have said that they had taken advantage of your previous state, however, you cannot expect them to change the moment you become sober. Don't be so quick to jump on your family...it's an adjustment period for them as well as yourself, dealing with the "new you." Take it easy, slow, and make deliberate steps to mend the relationships with your wife and children. Jumping straight to hard ass status can only serve to push them away, making it even harder to maintain your new fragile sober state! Remember to show your kids the most love that you can...while at the same time not letting them step over the line.
Lastly, please don't show disrespect to our Lord, just to display your anger over a statement made by your family. He stood by you through your recent hard times...do the same for Him. This should also be clearly visible to your family! The lord has let plenty of "punks" to speak to him, don't let someone else's statement make you step away. Be the father and leader of your household at all times. Never step away from that role as the leader of your family dinners, no matter what the current status of the conversation.
In short...Love your family, love the Lord, and TAKE IT EASY through this big adjustment period. Your family will continue to love you, but the adjustment period WILL take some time.
Best of luck in your new better life!---Nick
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