Amazing how I can feel GREAT one minute

[yamahor]

No, not dad RSD, dad as in my biological dad. I called him to see how Grandpa was doing, he told me he's still in the hospital, pretty much holding on by a thread. That kinda gets me, as I haven't seen him in a few years. Then, my dad starts to lay into me for not having a job. He says "It's sad for you that your problem is your mom pays all your bills. Thats why you don't have a job."

ummm.... Excuse me, but last I checked, I payed ALL my bills, THATS why I'm broke. He thinks I live with mom for free, and she pays my insurance, loan payments, etc AND pays for my food... HELL NO! I pay for all that. I pay rent to mom, so SHE can make bills at the end of the month, I pay all my other shid too! The only reason I still live here is so I can help mom. I'm jobless because no job here wants to pay more than I get on unemployment. He's a dikk for thinking I'm THAT lazy. If he wants to think that, fugg him. He can have a merry christmas and happy new year without seeing or talking to my azz.  

 

[Charlesbusa]

You get to pick your friends, but not your family....

I'd give him the cold shoulder until he stops nagg'in.

 

[Devil Dog]

sorry bro.

 

[Wag]

Sounds like a typical poisonous relationship.  That's what I had with my old man (hope he burns in hell) and with my mother (hope I can warm things up some time before she kicks the bucket).  

Several years ago, I just finally wrote them both off.  Best few years of my life and made me wish I had done it when I left home at 17 years old.  Divorcing your parents (or friends or whoever is polluting your life's well-being) can be a good thing.  

Eh.  I hope you can work things out.  But unload on us any time!  I'll listen, even if nobody else will.

--Wag--

No hug smilie so you have to settle for

 

[ranman]

i know your pain with family. mine is with my mother and her husband not my dad. always a problem or conflict. we only talk through e-mail now.
i feel ys bro. just rember thease times for your kids some day. and do it diffrent, naging and bit##ing will never get any results. be supportive.
then if nothing else works

there are enough members here , you could probly hitch a ride to florida

 

[John 16:10]

yamahor, I don't know you so I don't know what your beliefs are. Although, I can tell you this. Forgive him, for your own sake forgive him. This type of anger passes on through famalies for generations. You may not even know you will be passing it on but you will. So, for your own sanity and for all those you love that you deal with on a daily basis forgive him.

 

[heavybusa]

Same issue with my worthless dad. Hang in there and keep your head up!!

 

[Moparict]

(John 16:10 @ Dec. 03 2006,17:30) yamahor, I don't know you so I don't know what your beliefs are.  Although, I can tell you this.  Forgive him, for your own sake forgive him.  This type of anger passes on through famalies for generations.  You may not even know you will be passing it on but you will.  So, for your own sanity and for all those you love that you deal with on a daily basis forgive him.

Wise words. Remember that forgivness is not admitting that what someone does to you is OK or right. It's just saying that it's there problem and not yours. Do what is right and seperate yourself from the problem if need be, but be sure to have a better relationship with your own children. I am a father and my son is my everything. I love him more than anything. Good luck to you.

 

[thepushercg]

ben i understand the situation your in, i understand your thoughts. the same for you wag, i feel for you both. my beliefs are what John 16:10 posted, in my heart i know he is given some words that we all need to heed.

 

[extreemachine]

I hear ya on this! I have to tune out my father otherwise it gets ugly. It has been that way for a long time. My Mom, no problem but my father its the same conversations over and over again!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Hang in there my friend!!

 

[yamahor]

(Moparict @ Dec. 03 2006,21:11)

(John 16:10 @ Dec. 03 2006,17:30) yamahor, I don't know you so I don't know what your beliefs are.  Although, I can tell you this.  Forgive him, for your own sake forgive him.  This type of anger passes on through famalies for generations.  You may not even know you will be passing it on but you will.  So, for your own sanity and for all those you love that you deal with on a daily basis forgive him.

Wise words.  Remember that forgivness is not admitting that what someone does to you is OK or right.  It's just saying that it's there problem and not yours.  Do what is right and seperate yourself from the problem if need be, but be sure to have a better relationship with your own children.  I am a father and my son is my everything.  I love him more than anything.  Good luck to you.

As far as my beliefs, I was raised in a christian household. My stepdad became a pastor when I was 11, then when I was about 20-ish, he cheated on my mom. He moved us from VA Beach to Stuarts Draft, VA... 4 hours away. My dad lives in the VA Beach area. He's not that bad ALL the time, but he does piss me off ALOT cause he bitches at me all the time.... oh well, thanks for listening folks...

 

[Santa Claus]

It's all better now.

Santa

 

[Revlis]

Choose your friends bro... Been a couple of years since I last spoke to my Dad, he's pretty much a non-entity.

Never really did get to know him or anything growing up. Oh he was around, I lived with him for a few years in High School. Never taught me anything, accept ho to be angry and fight. But he made decisions that pretty much ruined his life and has gone no where. Pissed away a multi-million dollar injection molding company, got in trouble with the IRS and just kept drinking...

The money didn't really matter. I didn't need a car or college paid for, but his alcoholism pretty much destroyed whatever relationship we might have been able to have.

He has his stuff back together now, made a bunch of money and retired early. He lives somewhere in Colorado but I just don't care to know him.

Same with most of the rest of my immediate family. Sister is a bible thumping mindless drone. My Mom is still my Mom though. We were close in High School but not so much anymore.

Sounds horrible, but seriously bro, don't waste time and effort with family that doesn't love you back, or only wants to see you fail. Fug Em' My Dad has given me advice about 5 times in my life. EVERYTIME, I've done the exact opposite and it's worked like a charm.

Make your friends your family. Keep them close and cherish them.

 

[dadofthree]

Yo Yamahor, don't know your situation, haven't been there. I do have three kids and the oldest is probably your age. Parents; good parents put a butt load of effort in their kids and want the best for them and absolutely better than they had. Your father is watching his father die and maybe seeing himself not to far down the road. It's hard not to be disappointed occasionally, but you should try to be supportive and let them know you're proud, regardless of what you're feeling, but at times it's hard. Agree about the forgiveness; if nothing else it let's you put it away and focus on other things. You're like the rest of us. You only have one Dad. I can't and won't advise you, but I hope things turn around for you soon on all fronts.

 

[vinnycr2]

I can feel everyone's pain with the dad thing. Never was really close with him. Just went to say buy to him a few hours ago he leaves for vero beach tomorrow morning to go back home.

He is the oh wo is me type and has spent his entire life playing the pitty game. He is pathetic. He pulled a stunt that pretty much alienated me, my brother and 2 sisters for good. One of which is not biological ( that is what the stunt was that he came back to Rhode Island to pull )

She is still blood to me and I don't look at my mom any differently. My dad was never around and when he was he was sleeping.

The crap that he pulled all our lives and we still tried to get along with him until he came back this time. I would call him once or twice a week but all I would get is the same oh wo is me crap. Sad but I gave him more than a fair chance to be a father and son in good standing. I just can't take the emotional roller coaster any more.

I admire the few people that I know who have a tremendous relationship with their dad. One lost his dad unexpectedly and was completely devastated. I can't relate to that at all.

Ben you sound like you at least have some kind of relationship with your dad. Tell him the next time you talk to him that you support yourself and get off of your back about this shid otherwise I don't want to here from you. Talk about anything you want but that.

 

[GSXRFANN]

I know from experience Yammie...forgive him and try to look over his faults. I just lost my dad last week. I never really knew him growing up, and I always thought of him as being a nobody. But then after I had a child of my own, I kind of felt the need to get to know him. Now I am glad I did. My daughter atleast got to know her grandfather for the last 3 years of his life...and so did I! I am glad for that chance!!

 

[jjbusa]

dude i feel your pain my DAD was pain in the arse while growing up and now that he found religion he thinks all is forgiven and that noting happend and what did should be forgotten it may be that way with god but im here in person ask me for forgiveness but its true try and forgive cause it will just burn a whole in you and then before you know it your treating someone else that way that didnt deserve it. you know what you do you know what you pay for so dont sweat it. i know its hard but good ol dad knows best..(BULL) let it slide bro its the only way to get by. he is probly feeling he has lost it all and to keep you is to piss you off

sorry for the rant.

 

[VaBusa]

Ahh, yes, the amazing family dynamics at work...

As of now, I've got a Mom that's moving to CO in two weeks that kind of hid the fact that she's leaving from me 'til very recently, a sister that I kind of HAD to remove from my life, a sister-in-law that continually bashes my husband (her brother) for not coming to see her in AK, her hubby hops on that band wagon occassionally and we even get grief from their 16 year old son, blah blah blah...

I used to let all of that stuff really, really, really get to me Ben, then I decided this is the best answer I can offer anyone that thinks they know me...I now tell them "I don't pretend to know how your life is and so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop pretending you know mine".  It's a good way to shut them up because in the end, NO ONE knows what one goes through day-to-day, the issues and personal problems that plague us, our highs or lows, etc...

You just have to take a step back and tell him that Ben...there's not much he can say after that.  He's not in your shoes anymore than you are in his...try not to let it get you down

 

[Devious]

Don't be to pissed at your Dad. Or you will regret it at some point...
Like when he's laying there about to take his last few breaths...
And looking at you with tears in his eyes because he knows he was an azz and does not have the strenth to say all the things he should have said before...
And he knows it to late...
And he feels ashamed because he thinks dying is not a very manly thing to do in front of his Son...
And...
And..
And...
I lost my Father back in February...
And I sure wish he and I could have settled some things before he took his last breath and his hand relaxed for the last time...
One of the most difficult things I have ever done was to let his hand go...
Call him and explain everything and try to make friends with him again...


David

 

[GJoker]

Very sorry to hear about your frustration with your parental figure, Big'n~

On the flip side.... I've recently just started communicating with mine again after being 'disowned' for the past 10 years~ It's a long story, that I won't bore you with, but I think he just feels his time is getting near and wanted to make things right between us again~ We just decided to let go of the 'then' and work on the 'now' and forward from there~ So far this has worked out just fine~ I still won't let him close enough to 'hurt' me, but at least we can communicate respectfully now~

All my best to you all... it's true we can't pick our parental figures, but we have to remember... if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here to biotch about them~ Know what I mean...?