Where do pets come from?

thrasherfox

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Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."


And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.


After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.



And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.


And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.


And Cat didn't give a shitt one way or the other.
 
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You feed a dog, you pet a dog, he looks at you and thinks " Hey, he must be God!"
Your feed a cat, you pet a cat, he looks at you and thinks " Hey, I must be God"
 
...nothing wrong with cats...
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Nope, not when you use their hide for a doormat and shave "WELCOME" in the fur. Looks best when tanned with a liberty pattern done to the head. Easier to split the tail on the larger ones.



Sorry Michelle, couldn't resist........ actually I'm a .........er.........catlover.Or a liker anyway.
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You haven't been ignored until you've been ignored by a cat
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haha...

Friggin cats...they're alright, but I'm not drop-dead crazy about 'em. The neighbor's cats have a bad habit of climbing all over my damn car and resting on the roof.


I think I'll install a golf club that swings from the roof of the garage. FOOOOOORRRREEE!!!
 
haha...

Friggin cats...they're alright, but I'm not drop-dead crazy about 'em. The neighbor's cats have a bad habit of climbing all over my damn car and resting on the roof.


I think I'll install a golf club that swings from the roof of the garage. FOOOOOORRRREEE!!!
Come on Pac.. you should feel privileged that a Cat wishes to honor you with sitting on your car..


Cats are a trip!!

And they Are frickn smart too

One of my cats a few weeks ago pee'd on a plastic bag, he did it right in front of me, I walked up to him and he just kept going.

I grabbed him by the back of his neck with one hand, and grabbed a handful of hind skin at the same time so he had no way of clawing me, I then smashed his face into his pee and rubbed it around real good,

Then I told the kids to open the front door as I carried him outside.

Got him outside and tossed him about 10 feet on to the grass.

He knew he had phucked up at this point, he kept trying to get in the house for the next 4 days and I made sure he never got in, finally he killed, brought and left a mouse on the front door step (his peace offering) at which point I let him back in the house.. and all is good now.

I love cats, I think cats are cool as H e l l, but I wont let them walk all over me either.

Squirt the cat on your roof with a hose, he will either stop sitting on your car or he will start spraying all over everything he smells your scent on.

6 of one, half a dozen of another
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haha...

Friggin cats...they're alright, but I'm not drop-dead crazy about 'em. The neighbor's cats have a bad habit of climbing all over my damn car and resting on the roof.


I think I'll install a golf club that swings from the roof of the garage. FOOOOOORRRREEE!!!
Come on Pac.. you should feel privileged that a Cat wishes to honor you with sitting on your car..


Cats are a trip!!

And they Are frickn smart too

One of my cats a few weeks ago pee'd on a plastic bag, he did it right in front of me, I walked up to him and he just kept going.

I grabbed him by the back of his neck with one hand, and grabbed a handful of hind skin at the same time so he had no way of clawing me, I then smashed his face into his pee and rubbed it around real good,

Then I told the kids to open the front door as I carried him outside.

Got him outside and tossed him about 10 feet on to the grass.

He knew he had phucked up at this point, he kept trying to get in the house for the next 4 days and I made sure he never got in, finally he killed, brought and left a mouse on the front door step (his peace offering) at which point I let him back in the house.. and all is good now.

I love cats, I think cats are cool as H e l l, but I wont let them walk all over me either.

Squirt the cat on your roof with a hose, he will either stop sitting on your car or he will start spraying all over everything he smells your scent on.

6 of one, half a dozen of another
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oh heck no...screw that honor BS.


I'll honor him by letting the golf-club swing.
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Seriously, though...htey friggin scratched my finish all to h377...

Not to mention they have a blast rippin my screens to shreds too.

Actually....mebbe I should install an electric razor to the golf club. FOOOOOORRRREEEE!!! BZZZZZZZZT!
 
Timic (sp?) fixes 'em. The "magic dust" some call it.



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...nothing wrong with cats...
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Except when they jump up on hubby's car, LOL!
Hey, I took care of that little problem...since February, I've only seen paw prints on his car twice...both signs that the device I bought needed new batteries!
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Hubby should appreciate our outside cat...he's a mouser and catches snakes (which scare the big guy)...I, of course, save the mice and snakes, but the point is made, right?
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