WARNING! Alcohol

[StageRulz]

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted
the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all
beer containers:

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your
bra. (Apparently this has happened to several people?!)

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are
not.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an #######.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and
over again until your friends leave.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for
you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with
other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers,
resulting in you getting your ass kicked. (This is the best).

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the
forehead.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum,
whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

[vincent]

would be a lot funnier if it wasn't so true

 

[04busaVA]

 

[gunslingerjr]

true but funny!

 

[adrenaline junkey]

aint that the truth

 

[Schism]

sad but true

 

[RaiderDm]

Too Funny.
WARNING:

The consumption of alcohol may leave you feeling 10 feet tall & bulletproof.
(Can be fatal at wrong time & place)  

<!--EDIT|RaiderDm
Reason for Edit: "1298"|1130899028 -->

 

[GIXERHP]

Boy i guess i need to keep my mouth shut when i go out this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nitrousjunkie]

 

[kod3001]

 

[qarnaj]

 

[onerabidshark]

THERE'S A TEAR IN MY BEER HICK-UP CAUSE I'M CRYING FOR YOU DEAR HICK-UP

 

[Rockin C Racing]

 

[VaBusa]

I've lived a few of those...don't ask...

 

[FloydV]

Subject: 20 things drunk girls do


WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. WE DROP OUR 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH WE'RE EATING EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP ANDCARRY ON EATING IT

6.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

7. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US

9. THE MAN WE'RE FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE OUR 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING TO US.

11. OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO WE KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR ( er, or the mop?)

15. WE START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT...."

16. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

17. OUR HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. WE ARE TIRED SO WE JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER WE HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. WE BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON OUR BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM OUR DRINK.

20. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVEING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

HAHAHA most of them are true. Pass this along if you know girls who like to have fun, they can laugh at themselves like you just did.

 

[VaBusa]

...yep...yep...yep...yep...and yep...

 

[VaBusa]

#1 thing MEN do when drunk...as witnessed by yours truly...

Drop all homophobic fears and pretend to get their buddies "in da back"

Always good for a photo op...

Why is that?!

 

[Pipefighter248]

 

[yamahor]

#1 thing MEN do when drunk...as witnessed by yours truly...

Drop all homophobic fears and pretend to get their buddies "in da back"  

 Always good for a photo op...

Why is that?!  

wait...............................


did I get drunk on the ride? Sorry Mike, or anyone else I violated, I don't even remember drinking........

 

[VaBusa]

#1 thing MEN do when drunk...as witnessed by yours truly...

Drop all homophobic fears and pretend to get their buddies "in da back"  

 Always good for a photo op...

Why is that?!  

wait...............................


did I get drunk on the ride? Sorry Mike, or anyone else I violated, I don't even remember drinking........