Thanks guys. Knew the day was coming. Some bad choices,but also things like getting run over by a drunk driver...I didn't do that to myself.
It wrecked my back,knee's,etc...the brain injury takes its toll to this day.
The arthitis they warned would come early,is now daily reality.
Prior to the brain injury...no booze,no dope,worked out twice a day,6 days a week. Now,it hurts to get out of bed. Members on here,family and friends get my help and support re booze and drugs because I understand. I never made a decision one day to become a drunken fug...you make bad choices when your brain stops working correctly. Now when a member reaches out to me behind the scenes and says "Rubb,this is whats happening. I feel lost or suicidal or angry or whatever...I dont judge. I offer to help in anyway I can.
You would be surprised at what goes on behind the scenes on a "Motorcycle Website"
Here's one for ya...when it was just me and VaBusa running the day 2 day on here I would get countless emails,texts,Pm's about all kinds of stuff. The worst,which I'll never forget was 2 members bickering. OK,happens everyday on here right. One member gets so angry with the other...he takes his own highly bizare attack on the other by filling his personal email with kiddie p0 rn. Ya...dumped in my lap.
My advice,my opinion...stop typing,stop everything...call your local police and the FBI if necessary. So i think sometimes folks wonder why I go off sometimes when a member says krap they no nothing about,or takes things to a personal extreme. The member the other day who gets pissy that I wont personally fix his issue and that the organization that I'm trying to join re child abuse is a joke. When a member advises the other members that my advise is shi7 because I had a drinking problem..I take offence. What I have gone thru can now help and benefit what others might be going thru. Its krap turned upside down. I dont care what poeple think....if I can help or stop 1 guy from putting a bullet in his head,well then flame Rubb.
Some people come on here,sign up,sell their part or get their bike problem fixed. Thats 100% cool with me. Others come on here and for reasons unknown take the website to heart. The people in my world dont get it for the most part either. "Andy,yer on that website alot" "What are you,some kind of loser" I look in everyday,'cause this is my facebook. maybe somebody just wants to chat. I could be doing lots of other things,but I choose to help out as best I can.
I have free time,why? Because work is difficult. One year I had to take 70 sick days. Ya seven zero. Anybody out there got a job for me?
When you climb in your car and head for work and have to pull over,then turn for home because your heart is racing,your dizzy,you puke your guts out on the dash because your anxiety and panic attacks are thru the roof...and you feel like death is a better option. I post on here this way,share way too much information because I know there is somebody out there that maybe just might feel the same way. Its embarrasing,you feel like a lepper...it is a giant shi7 sandwich that has been served up that you didn't order. When my phone rings at 3AM i pick it up. Rarely do I know who it is...but I pick up. Its who I am...I feel duty bound.
Choices: When I moved that girlfriend in last year or whenever it was...I took extremely good care of her. She pushed a crappy pedal bike up the hill to get to the top to ride to work. I took the last of my savings and bought her a car. That was december 25th. December 27th she stabbed me. I did not choose for that to happen. There were no warning signs.
When she cried from jail on her release date...I told her to come home.
Stoopid. Yer fuggin right it was. She asaulted me again. Big deal. She has demons...I dont hate her for them.
When Doug,the owner of this site said it was getting a bit tuff to operate and he momentarily considered shutting it down I made some moves to try and make sure that didn't happen. Because I like him and admire him for keeping this place what is was then,and what it is now. I had the backing of a lot of good members who realized just what this "website" offers. Some people sent me texts and PM's and said you really helped keep this place alive. I did a tiny part maybe. All of us as a whole rallied and came together. Opinions on here for sure. One member got angry that he had to click thru 5 pages in Random thoughts because those first 5 were taken up by me with posts that I put stickies too for members to post what they were donating,what I was auctioning off,the raffles....blah blah blah. Clicking on the #6 was an' inconvience for him. good grief.
Doug and some members paid my way to vegas to meet some members. Paid my way as a thankyou. THAT is the heart of the Org. 1 member trailered a bike from California to Vegas for me to ride with the crew that showed up there. THAT is the Org. Just a website...no,its not.
Folks want to judge...say I'm this and that...I dont care. I really dont.
Doug made a smart move....he fired me. I got out of control. Mostly because of the booze...but that is no excuse.
So this little hahaha blurb has hopefully answered some PM's that came in to me. My life has been an' open book on here for almost 20 years. It is...what it is. I will do my best to contribute,I know life is not always a cake walk for all...I will take my shi7 kicking,deserved or not. If just one member is helped by what can only be constude as the insanity of Rubb,so be it.
Now if you'll excuse me...I gotta go pack.
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Ride hard...ride safe...
Rubb.
