The straw that broke the camels back. I'm outa here. (The Projects)

[rubbersidedown]

As some of you may know I have not had the most pleasant time living here in what I refer to as "The Projects"
I landed here about 5 years ago after a divorce and its been one nightmare after another. I chose these buildings to live in as me and the ex did a shared custody of our last dog that we had together. She dropped in off in the morning,picked up Atlas on her way home,or if she was going out that night I kept him for a couple days. Here in this town the places to live that will accept a 120 lb Rottweiller are far and few between. Well,Atlas died..and I have no reason to stay here.After a cafuffle with an' ex I ended up doing the roomate thing to try and stay afloat financially. Another fug up on part as well...but thats life sometimes.
Anyway...I have no plan...no spare cash...nadda,zip. But for my own sanity,I will start to pack in the morning. Even thou my roomie is "this and that" I will pay rent and give 1 months notice.
Whats the straw you might ask? I went down a half hour ago to triple lock and cover my bike.
Took a picture for you guys....

In the foreground....CRACK PIPE. 20 feet to the background...my beloved Busa.

Broken glass,Bic lighter and container of who knows what.

 

[rubbersidedown]

..............

Supposedly "Secure Parking" as the ad for the building reads.
Hardly secure...read a bit about that click here

It rained tonight for the first time in many days. I guess the folks new to the 'hood are going to start coming into places like my garage to get out of the weather. I'm guessing it will only get worse as winter approaches.
Its fairly warm and dry down there.
It will be a shi7 show with my roomie as she is nice one minute...volatile the next. I told her I'm splitting and she cried. I feel for her as she has many issue's for which her friends and family have thanked me for in trying to help her with. Drugs,alcohol,petty crime,etc. I feel bad,as thou I am abandoning her...but if i stay and have another "run in" with one of these "mis-understood" folks in the neighborhood I could end up in jail as they have rights and protections and can blatantly break the law with seemingly no consequences.
We became friends as we walked our dogs in the same area's around the complex. But it was a huge error to think it would last without problems. Her bi-polar,manic,etc makes for a challenging day to day exisistance one for which I was up for,because I felt deep down inside there is a decent person. It was supposed to be a stepping stone for a month or 2 till I found my own place,but then my circumstances changed re employment etc. But now,I've had enuff. I shall pack up and split. I wish I could pour bleach over the part of my brain that contains the last 5 years of memories. it will be what is referred to in the sports world as a "Re-building Year." I think I mentioned in other posts about the ex 4 or 5 ago that took everything. Ya, I have literally nothing.
Shi7 happens sometimes thru chance,mis-placed trust and beliefs,and perhaps bad luck if you believe in that. My own poor judgements have taken their toll for sure as well. The Org is my facebook,twitter,snap chat etc...has been for almost 20 years so I use it to keep folks that have a slight interest in "The Life and Times" of Rubb up to date. Sometimes the krap that goes on around me, good or bad is at least somewhat entertaining and makes folks laugh.
The odd time, life just walks up and kicks you square in the ballz.
....and I forgot to wear my cup.....again.

Peace Brother's...
Rubb.

 

[Hayabusa Wannabe]

Rubb thank you for sharing what you are going through. You have a heart the size of Texas and with the kindness that you treat your fellow man, I pray that God shines twice that mount back onto you as you move forward.

So do you want to talk specifics here? If not message me. How is the employment situation?

 

[bigdr]

Feelin' for ya Rubberducky ..

 

[Tetsuo1000]

A new adventure, new possibilities. I take it you do more for others than yourself. Sounds like it’s time for Rubb to take care of Rubb. We are here for you! Just don’t ask me to help ya move!!

 

[twotonevert]

Keep your chin up, sounds like it is time to move on and you cant feel bad for that. Number one person in your life should be yourself right now.

 

[Mythos]

I was where you were for nine years, Rubb. It's never too late to start over. Sometimes it takes a while to get on track. Often where you start from is not where you thought you should be but starting life over is a lot better than trying to tread water where you've been. Canada is a big nation and you can go anywhere you want.

What I did was stay in a place that was safe and make some kind of startup plan. What is the best employment you are qualified for and go wherever you need to go where a job comes up. The job is the key. If you need education for a field, start there and go where you need to be.

Stay with us no matter what you do. I never gave up my motorcycle passion and I'm glad for that. Funny thing, now that I'm on my feet, I consider it a possibility to take my focus off the bikes. Just a silly thought that goes through my head occasionally.

 

[Mythos]

I will add Rubb, I did need to change my place of safety and security dead smack in the middle of making my escape plan. Moved in with Mom and Dad and it drove me more nuts. It actually helped me get my moving.

Another thing Rubb, you keeping away from the ilicit substances....that is a huge leap ahead. You already started your new life. Move ahead, bro.

 

[Red05]

Damn Rubb for a moment I thought you were saying the Busa got stolen. Keep your chin up.

 

[fallenarch]

Take care of yourself. Sounds like you need a change of environment anyway.

 

[rubbersidedown]

Thanks guys. Knew the day was coming. Some bad choices,but also things like getting run over by a drunk driver...I didn't do that to myself.
It wrecked my back,knee's,etc...the brain injury takes its toll to this day.
The arthitis they warned would come early,is now daily reality.
Prior to the brain injury...no booze,no dope,worked out twice a day,6 days a week. Now,it hurts to get out of bed. Members on here,family and friends get my help and support re booze and drugs because I understand. I never made a decision one day to become a drunken fug...you make bad choices when your brain stops working correctly. Now when a member reaches out to me behind the scenes and says "Rubb,this is whats happening. I feel lost or suicidal or angry or whatever...I dont judge. I offer to help in anyway I can.
You would be surprised at what goes on behind the scenes on a "Motorcycle Website"
Here's one for ya...when it was just me and VaBusa running the day 2 day on here I would get countless emails,texts,Pm's about all kinds of stuff. The worst,which I'll never forget was 2 members bickering. OK,happens everyday on here right. One member gets so angry with the other...he takes his own highly bizare attack on the other by filling his personal email with kiddie p0 rn. Ya...dumped in my lap.
My advice,my opinion...stop typing,stop everything...call your local police and the FBI if necessary. So i think sometimes folks wonder why I go off sometimes when a member says krap they no nothing about,or takes things to a personal extreme. The member the other day who gets pissy that I wont personally fix his issue and that the organization that I'm trying to join re child abuse is a joke. When a member advises the other members that my advise is shi7 because I had a drinking problem..I take offence. What I have gone thru can now help and benefit what others might be going thru. Its krap turned upside down. I dont care what poeple think....if I can help or stop 1 guy from putting a bullet in his head,well then flame Rubb.
Some people come on here,sign up,sell their part or get their bike problem fixed. Thats 100% cool with me. Others come on here and for reasons unknown take the website to heart. The people in my world dont get it for the most part either. "Andy,yer on that website alot" "What are you,some kind of loser" I look in everyday,'cause this is my facebook. maybe somebody just wants to chat. I could be doing lots of other things,but I choose to help out as best I can.
I have free time,why? Because work is difficult. One year I had to take 70 sick days. Ya seven zero. Anybody out there got a job for me?
When you climb in your car and head for work and have to pull over,then turn for home because your heart is racing,your dizzy,you puke your guts out on the dash because your anxiety and panic attacks are thru the roof...and you feel like death is a better option. I post on here this way,share way too much information because I know there is somebody out there that maybe just might feel the same way. Its embarrasing,you feel like a lepper...it is a giant shi7 sandwich that has been served up that you didn't order. When my phone rings at 3AM i pick it up. Rarely do I know who it is...but I pick up. Its who I am...I feel duty bound.
Choices: When I moved that girlfriend in last year or whenever it was...I took extremely good care of her. She pushed a crappy pedal bike up the hill to get to the top to ride to work. I took the last of my savings and bought her a car. That was december 25th. December 27th she stabbed me. I did not choose for that to happen. There were no warning signs.
When she cried from jail on her release date...I told her to come home.
Stoopid. Yer fuggin right it was. She asaulted me again. Big deal. She has demons...I dont hate her for them.
When Doug,the owner of this site said it was getting a bit tuff to operate and he momentarily considered shutting it down I made some moves to try and make sure that didn't happen. Because I like him and admire him for keeping this place what is was then,and what it is now. I had the backing of a lot of good members who realized just what this "website" offers. Some people sent me texts and PM's and said you really helped keep this place alive. I did a tiny part maybe. All of us as a whole rallied and came together. Opinions on here for sure. One member got angry that he had to click thru 5 pages in Random thoughts because those first 5 were taken up by me with posts that I put stickies too for members to post what they were donating,what I was auctioning off,the raffles....blah blah blah. Clicking on the #6 was an' inconvience for him. good grief.
Doug and some members paid my way to vegas to meet some members. Paid my way as a thankyou. THAT is the heart of the Org. 1 member trailered a bike from California to Vegas for me to ride with the crew that showed up there. THAT is the Org. Just a website...no,its not.
Folks want to judge...say I'm this and that...I dont care. I really dont.
Doug made a smart move....he fired me. I got out of control. Mostly because of the booze...but that is no excuse.
So this little hahaha blurb has hopefully answered some PM's that came in to me. My life has been an' open book on here for almost 20 years. It is...what it is. I will do my best to contribute,I know life is not always a cake walk for all...I will take my shi7 kicking,deserved or not. If just one member is helped by what can only be constude as the insanity of Rubb,so be it.
Now if you'll excuse me...I gotta go pack.

Ride hard...ride safe...
Rubb.

 

[Mythos]

Rubb, you on disability? You need that if you're not. Life has dealt you a tough hand. I know disability isn't paradise but if that's the help you need to keep you afloat, take it. There's no reason to give up what you have. I kept my two bikes and I was getting food stamps. The bikes are what kept my spirits up and it's important to have whatever does that for you. Stay around good people, don't get sucked in with people who are having their own problems. All you can do is help from the outside. You bring a lot of good to the world and that makes our world a little bit better off of just one guy. Keep moving ahead like your doing.

 

[michael parris heuberger]

Rubb, you on disability? You need that if you're not. Life has dealt you a tough hand. I know disability isn't paradise but if that's the help you need to keep you afloat, take it. There's no reason to give up what you have. I kept my two bikes and I was getting food stamps. The bikes are what kept my spirits up and it's important to have whatever does that for you. Stay around good people, don't get sucked in with people who are having their own problems. All you can do is help from the outside. You bring a lot of good to the world and that makes our world a little bit better off of just one guy. Keep moving ahead like your doing.

HI Rubb. I know the pain! pain have been best palls I was 17 when I was stabbed in the hand, 20 when I was short in the back. I have also broken 33 bones some 3 times. My back on a good day feels like a sprained ankle 24/7. So please keep your self well.

 

[rubbersidedown]

Rubb, you on disability? You need that if you're not. Life has dealt you a tough hand. I know disability isn't paradise but if that's the help you need to keep you afloat, take it. There's no reason to give up what you have. I kept my two bikes and I was getting food stamps. The bikes are what kept my spirits up and it's important to have whatever does that for you. Stay around good people, don't get sucked in with people who are having their own problems. All you can do is help from the outside. You bring a lot of good to the world and that makes our world a little bit better off of just one guy. Keep moving ahead like your doing.

Yup,was basically forced into it. Its thru a private carrier,and is a little better than a Gov't one,but not much. It does not cover rent on a crummy one bedroom.

HI Rubb. I know the pain! pain have been best palls I was 17 when I was stabbed in the hand, 20 when I was short in the back. I have also broken 33 bones some 3 times. My back on a good day feels like a sprained ankle 24/7. So please keep your self well.

I'll do my best Michael. You too Bro.
Rubb.

 

[rubbersidedown]

My appologies for the long verbal diarhea post but I was sitting on PM's asking questions about job,life,why TMI on the Org...why I try and help out,etc. So I think I covered it all in one foul swoop.
Thanks,
Rubb.

 

[michael parris heuberger]

Yup,was basically forced into it. Its thru a private carrier,and is a little better than a Gov't one,but not much. It does not cover rent on a crummy one bedroom.

I'll do my best Michael. You too Bro.
Rubb.

Hi Rubb. I wish I could help you out. My girl is OK. She does not like the busa but her kids all 5 +4 grand kids and how her daughter wants to move her boyfriend in. Her son David said if he moves in he wants to move in his girlfriend in. I need to move out.

 

[ottafish]

Thinking of you Rubb.
Stay around here and keep in contact

 

[Kiwi Rider]

Stick around mate, ya got a lot of heart and a lot of people love ya bro.
Keep us informed of your plans and movements k.
Kiwi

 

[Dopey]

Yup,was basically forced into it. Its thru a private carrier,and is a little better than a Gov't one,but not much. It does not cover rent on a crummy one bedroom.

I'll do my best Michael. You too Bro.
Rubb.

So if your receiving it thru private carrier is there no way to collect something from the Gov't as well so you could at least afford a one bedroom outside of the projects?? I know my cousin was hit by a cop car while on a bicycle and for awhile until they declared it was his fault was able to collect his social security disability as well as his payments from the police insurance or whoever it was paying that bill. I know Canada works differently then here but there has to be something to do. It's just ridiculous they expect someone not work without having disability money lessened but yet can't give them enough to live on

 

[Tetsuo1000]

Thanks guys. Knew the day was coming. Some bad choices,but also things like getting run over by a drunk driver...I didn't do that to myself.
It wrecked my back,knee's,etc...the brain injury takes its toll to this day.
The arthitis they warned would come early,is now daily reality.
Prior to the brain injury...no booze,no dope,worked out twice a day,6 days a week. Now,it hurts to get out of bed. Members on here,family and friends get my help and support re booze and drugs because I understand. I never made a decision one day to become a drunken fug...you make bad choices when your brain stops working correctly. Now when a member reaches out to me behind the scenes and says "Rubb,this is whats happening. I feel lost or suicidal or angry or whatever...I dont judge. I offer to help in anyway I can.
You would be surprised at what goes on behind the scenes on a "Motorcycle Website"
Here's one for ya...when it was just me and VaBusa running the day 2 day on here I would get countless emails,texts,Pm's about all kinds of stuff. The worst,which I'll never forget was 2 members bickering. OK,happens everyday on here right. One member gets so angry with the other...he takes his own highly bizare attack on the other by filling his personal email with kiddie p0 rn. Ya...dumped in my lap.
My advice,my opinion...stop typing,stop everything...call your local police and the FBI if necessary. So i think sometimes folks wonder why I go off sometimes when a member says krap they no nothing about,or takes things to a personal extreme. The member the other day who gets pissy that I wont personally fix his issue and that the organization that I'm trying to join re child abuse is a joke. When a member advises the other members that my advise is shi7 because I had a drinking problem..I take offence. What I have gone thru can now help and benefit what others might be going thru. Its krap turned upside down. I dont care what poeple think....if I can help or stop 1 guy from putting a bullet in his head,well then flame Rubb.
Some people come on here,sign up,sell their part or get their bike problem fixed. Thats 100% cool with me. Others come on here and for reasons unknown take the website to heart. The people in my world dont get it for the most part either. "Andy,yer on that website alot" "What are you,some kind of loser" I look in everyday,'cause this is my facebook. maybe somebody just wants to chat. I could be doing lots of other things,but I choose to help out as best I can.
I have free time,why? Because work is difficult. One year I had to take 70 sick days. Ya seven zero. Anybody out there got a job for me?
When you climb in your car and head for work and have to pull over,then turn for home because your heart is racing,your dizzy,you puke your guts out on the dash because your anxiety and panic attacks are thru the roof...and you feel like death is a better option. I post on here this way,share way too much information because I know there is somebody out there that maybe just might feel the same way. Its embarrasing,you feel like a lepper...it is a giant shi7 sandwich that has been served up that you didn't order. When my phone rings at 3AM i pick it up. Rarely do I know who it is...but I pick up. Its who I am...I feel duty bound.
Choices: When I moved that girlfriend in last year or whenever it was...I took extremely good care of her. She pushed a crappy pedal bike up the hill to get to the top to ride to work. I took the last of my savings and bought her a car. That was december 25th. December 27th she stabbed me. I did not choose for that to happen. There were no warning signs.
When she cried from jail on her release date...I told her to come home.
Stoopid. Yer fuggin right it was. She asaulted me again. Big deal. She has demons...I dont hate her for them.
When Doug,the owner of this site said it was getting a bit tuff to operate and he momentarily considered shutting it down I made some moves to try and make sure that didn't happen. Because I like him and admire him for keeping this place what is was then,and what it is now. I had the backing of a lot of good members who realized just what this "website" offers. Some people sent me texts and PM's and said you really helped keep this place alive. I did a tiny part maybe. All of us as a whole rallied and came together. Opinions on here for sure. One member got angry that he had to click thru 5 pages in Random thoughts because those first 5 were taken up by me with posts that I put stickies too for members to post what they were donating,what I was auctioning off,the raffles....blah blah blah. Clicking on the #6 was an' inconvience for him. good grief.
Doug and some members paid my way to vegas to meet some members. Paid my way as a thankyou. THAT is the heart of the Org. 1 member trailered a bike from California to Vegas for me to ride with the crew that showed up there. THAT is the Org. Just a website...no,its not.
Folks want to judge...say I'm this and that...I dont care. I really dont.
Doug made a smart move....he fired me. I got out of control. Mostly because of the booze...but that is no excuse.
So this little hahaha blurb has hopefully answered some PM's that came in to me. My life has been an' open book on here for almost 20 years. It is...what it is. I will do my best to contribute,I know life is not always a cake walk for all...I will take my shi7 kicking,deserved or not. If just one member is helped by what can only be constude as the insanity of Rubb,so be it.
Now if you'll excuse me...I gotta go pack. View attachment 1625900
Ride hard...ride safe...
Rubb.

Ok fine I will help ya move, Jesus. All you had to do was ask you didn’t have write a damn novel.