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- Jan 2, 2004
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Reading Between The Lines In A Personals Ad
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish........................49
Adventurer....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic......................No tits
Average looking...............Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of ecstasy
Educated......................Banged her Science professor
Emotionally Secure............Heavily medicated
Feminist......................Thinks that RPFLE exploits women
Free spirit...................Junkie
Friendship first..............Trying to lose the slutty reputation
Fun...........................Annoying
Gentle........................Comatose
Good Listener.................Borderline autistic
New-Age.......................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.................Lights out, missionary position
under the sheets only, no BJ's
Open-minded...................Desperate
Outgoing......................Loud and embarrassing
Passionate....................Sloppy drunk
Poet..........................Depressive schizophrenic
Professional..................Certified #####
Redhead.......................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque...................Grossly fat
Romantic......................Looks better by candle light
Social........................Has been passed around like the
hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous....................Very fat
Weight proportion w/ height...Hugely fat
Wants Soulmate................Stalker
Widow.........................Drove first husband to suicide
Young at heart ...............Old bat
Engineer......................MARRY HER NOW!
MEN'S ADS
40-ish........................53 and looking for 23-yr-old
Adventurer....................Wants to get involved in a 3-way
Athletic......................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking...............Unusual hair growth on ears, nose &
back
Chiseled features.............Features were 'chiseled' with a sledge
hammer
Educated......................Will patronize you to death
Free Spirit...................Sleeping with all your friends
Friendship first..............As long as friendship involves sex
Fun...........................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking..................Arrogant #######
Very good looking.............Dumb as a plank
Honest........................Pathological liar
Huggable......................Fat, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle...............Insecure mama's boy
Mature........................Older than your father
Old-fashioned.................Believes that a woman's place is in
the kitchen
Open-minded...................Looks at both the men and the
women on RPFLE
Outgoing......................Always going out with the guys
Physically fit................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet..........................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number
on a bathroom stall
Professional..................Career comes first, sex comes second,
relationship comes third
Sensitive.....................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive................Gay
Spiritual.....................Once got laid in a cemetery
Stable........................Arrested for stalking but not
convicted
Thoughtful....................Says "Excuse me" when he farts
and burps
Engineer......................RUN!
<!--EDIT|thrasherfox
Reason for Edit: None given...|1104339350 -->
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish........................49
Adventurer....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic......................No tits
Average looking...............Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of ecstasy
Educated......................Banged her Science professor
Emotionally Secure............Heavily medicated
Feminist......................Thinks that RPFLE exploits women
Free spirit...................Junkie
Friendship first..............Trying to lose the slutty reputation
Fun...........................Annoying
Gentle........................Comatose
Good Listener.................Borderline autistic
New-Age.......................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.................Lights out, missionary position
under the sheets only, no BJ's
Open-minded...................Desperate
Outgoing......................Loud and embarrassing
Passionate....................Sloppy drunk
Poet..........................Depressive schizophrenic
Professional..................Certified #####
Redhead.......................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque...................Grossly fat
Romantic......................Looks better by candle light
Social........................Has been passed around like the
hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous....................Very fat
Weight proportion w/ height...Hugely fat
Wants Soulmate................Stalker
Widow.........................Drove first husband to suicide
Young at heart ...............Old bat
Engineer......................MARRY HER NOW!
MEN'S ADS
40-ish........................53 and looking for 23-yr-old
Adventurer....................Wants to get involved in a 3-way
Athletic......................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking...............Unusual hair growth on ears, nose &
back
Chiseled features.............Features were 'chiseled' with a sledge
hammer
Educated......................Will patronize you to death
Free Spirit...................Sleeping with all your friends
Friendship first..............As long as friendship involves sex
Fun...........................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking..................Arrogant #######
Very good looking.............Dumb as a plank
Honest........................Pathological liar
Huggable......................Fat, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle...............Insecure mama's boy
Mature........................Older than your father
Old-fashioned.................Believes that a woman's place is in
the kitchen
Open-minded...................Looks at both the men and the
women on RPFLE
Outgoing......................Always going out with the guys
Physically fit................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet..........................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number
on a bathroom stall
Professional..................Career comes first, sex comes second,
relationship comes third
Sensitive.....................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive................Gay
Spiritual.....................Once got laid in a cemetery
Stable........................Arrested for stalking but not
convicted
Thoughtful....................Says "Excuse me" when he farts
and burps
Engineer......................RUN!
<!--EDIT|thrasherfox
Reason for Edit: None given...|1104339350 -->
