21 yr marrage ruined by her affair !!!

[BIKE DUDE]

Haven't been around for a few months. My life has been blind sided by an affair. Married 21 years with 3 kids(17,15,9) and I thought things were fine until a few months ago I was getting a jealous feeling and started double checking stuff and found some texts on the wife's phone. Sure enough, she was cheating. Felt the same way 12 years ago but she denied everything and I never could find proof. We went to counseling back then and eventually things seemed to go back to normal but I always wondered? Now it's happened again and there was proof this time and in counseling she finally admitted to the old affair as well as this one. My entire life revolves around my wife and kids and I'm left heart broken and empty. My faith has kept me here in the house for the last two months but I see little or no effort on her part to fix this. I married for better or worse and didn't think I would ever get divorced but......Kids need two full time parents in today's world and she says she doesn't want to divorce at this time but "doesn't know what she wants" or "what was missing" or "what she got from this or why." I can't go on much longer in this state of limbo. When the present sucks so bad and the future is so uncertain life has little meaning or any joy. As a devout Christian, I've been praying daily but could use your prayers also. I"m not sure I can get past this even if she eventually wants to but with God, I'm sure all things are possible. Sorry to spill my guts but I just need to vent. I use to be here every day and I miss you guys. Thanks for the prayers.lease:

 

[SAMBUSA]

Wow, this really sux. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers

 

[skydivr]

Hang in there. I have personal experience with this and it sucks bad. Was my neighbor. My wife and I worked very hard, for the sake of our child to overcome it and we finally found each other again. I have forgiven her but I will never forget nor be left that vunerable again. In event of a repeat I have a solid prenup and will fight to my last dollar for my child but I hope I never have to to into that hole again.

 

[GPW]

Man, someone close to him, take him out to dinner please. Keep your chin up Sir! Life always has a way of getting better.

 

[Ezduzit]

Prayers sent my friend, cant say that I know what your going through but one good thing you got on your side is your faith. Always remember that things do happen for a reason, you cant see it now but it will reveal itself later!

 

[redkat05]

I went through like 1/100th maybe of this when my fiance cheated on me. Faith & friends will bring u through this brother, we're here for u
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[2k4_8]

I haven't been able to give myself to my wife 100% because of this.....I don't think I could ever trust anyone in the world 100% and always leave a block up.....just bc you never know what/when it can happen. Sorry for how things are going and I am sure your life will be back on track again soon. Sounds like you know where you need it to head at least, so this limbo shouldn't last long. Stay strong!

 

[Tina]

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I hope you and your wife can find your way through this. My prayers are with you.

 

[headrash]

Your kids are the most important thing to keep in mind when it comes to these situations. Remember if your not happy your children know it and it affects them as much as it does you, if not more. If your looking for advice, you need to be happy with your life in order for your children to happy as well. It's going to be tough brother, my prayers are with you and your family!

 

[UncleSteve]

Hang in there, I cannot help except in thought and prayer. I have no idea how I would handle the situation. God bless you for putting your children needs in the forefront.

 

[Ranger]

You must really be strong, Lord knows I love my wife but if she was ever with another guy behind my back, that would be it for me, especially more than once! You have to think of the kids, but how much better off are they going to be with parents in an unhappy marriage. You said you are a devout Christain, well your covered in this case.... specifically mentioned biblical reasons for a Christian seeking or allowing a divorce are unrepentant adultery (Matthew 19:9) and abandonment of a Christian by a non-Christian spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). I hope it all works out for you, Good luck!

 

[Busa1166]

lease: sent

 

[skydivr]

PM Sent

 

[twotonevert]

I dont know that I have shared this with anyone before, but:

This is a feeling that will haunt you. I have been there and know exactly what you are talking about. We tried counseling, I stayed with her for about 2 more years, until finally we split. She refused to admit she was wrong even after confessing to the affair. She said it was all a game. If you ever want to talk, shoot me a pm, we can talk on the phone. Its NOT YOU! Keep your head up.

 

[kml]

Interesting read

Men, women, passion, and sperm. - By Melinda Wenner - Slate Magazine

 

[Mr Bogus]

a week at my house should cheer you up a bit... glad you could share, first step to fixing yourself...

 

[shawnski]

man that sucks!

 

[captain]

Let me know of you need to talk....

 

[skydivr]

See, me and twotonevert had two different endings. Mine admitted responsibility and owned up to it and earned a second chance. I still have nightmares about it but for my daughter's sake I had to try and I'm glad I did. Not sure I would be so interested in doing so if it ever happened again. No matter what, go consult a good attorney. You may not want to take action, but you still need to know what to be prepared for.

 

[echoseven]

Sorry to hear about your situation! You have my prayers! All I can say it put GOD first in EVERYTHING and let Him take care of you and the situation. He knows what is best for you and wants what is best for you.