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Does anybody on here(the org) ever ponder over one's own demise
- Thread starter rubbersidedown
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we all just play the cards we're dealt brother... its not all on you... no way could it be... got other factors involved (exes, kids personality, society, etc.)... i think you might be being a little hard on yourself... i tend that way too.
in my opinion, and this might or might not be correct... but my thoughts:
1) your son: as long as you truly love him, thats good enough, the rest will follow...
2) your daughter: see #1
3) your exes: better off without them... dont need no woman like that...
4) yourself: bro, it's tough, but when you come out the other side, you will be better for it... HE has a plan for us... even if we dont see it, or like it, or even believe it...
nobody is perfect, bro, i aint even close... but i try to be better every day.. some days i get better, some days i don't... but every night i ask myself: what have you done to better yourself today? it can be little or big - doesn't matter, as long as the answer is not 'nothing'...
in my opinion, and this might or might not be correct... but my thoughts:
1) your son: as long as you truly love him, thats good enough, the rest will follow...
2) your daughter: see #1
3) your exes: better off without them... dont need no woman like that...
4) yourself: bro, it's tough, but when you come out the other side, you will be better for it... HE has a plan for us... even if we dont see it, or like it, or even believe it...
nobody is perfect, bro, i aint even close... but i try to be better every day.. some days i get better, some days i don't... but every night i ask myself: what have you done to better yourself today? it can be little or big - doesn't matter, as long as the answer is not 'nothing'...
methodicreign
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A tiger cannot change his stripes.
If your son feels he is a women trapped in a man's body then so be it. It's in the genes. Consider society today, we are more accepting of the lgbt community and are slowly starting to understand that it's no one's fault, no social input made them that way. That have been that way since birth. Doesn't make them broken or wrong, just unique. His orientation is no more your fault then his own. He has clearly accepted and embraced it and it sounds like you have also. Carrying that much guilt around is too much for anyone to handle. Try and reconnect, maybe your daughter has some contact info for him. Let go of the guilt, try and rebuild that bridge, use it to get out of the funk your in now. Even if he won't accept you now, at least make sure he knows you accept him.
If your son feels he is a women trapped in a man's body then so be it. It's in the genes. Consider society today, we are more accepting of the lgbt community and are slowly starting to understand that it's no one's fault, no social input made them that way. That have been that way since birth. Doesn't make them broken or wrong, just unique. His orientation is no more your fault then his own. He has clearly accepted and embraced it and it sounds like you have also. Carrying that much guilt around is too much for anyone to handle. Try and reconnect, maybe your daughter has some contact info for him. Let go of the guilt, try and rebuild that bridge, use it to get out of the funk your in now. Even if he won't accept you now, at least make sure he knows you accept him.
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This Rubb! Don't blame yourself for things that would have likely happened anyway. Guilt is a helluva thing, and not something you need to me carrying around when your son is taking a path he chooses to find his own happiness. I agree with everything said here...
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I guess I am racked with guilt about alot of stuff. Like my brother. When I was 20 he was 30 and living with me. He had a horrible drinking problem.I thought I could get thru to him ,but was never able to. I ended up kicking him out. He ended up on the streets of Vancouver and even did a little stint in jail. To me he always looked like he had the world by the nutz. Nice wife,2 great kids,house,and all the toys.Lost it all to booze.The first time he attempted suicide we all ran to his side. He locked himself in someones garage with the car running. Next time he tried ,he succeeded. He drank himself to death with anti-freeze. I have often wondered if it may have been better to have kept him closer to me. I'm no medical/phychotheripist or anything,but I was his little brother.
The ex said she would call again to check up me but I dont think thats going to happen. I dont blame her. I'm a mess right now.
Thanks for listening and offering up really good advice,means alot to me. Rubb.
The ex said she would call again to check up me but I dont think thats going to happen. I dont blame her. I'm a mess right now.
Thanks for listening and offering up really good advice,means alot to me. Rubb.
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Makes sense. RSD.
methodicreign
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I grew up around a bunch of alcoholics, its one of the biggest reasons I don't drink now. ( if I have 2 drinks in a night its a lot) The thing I learned in my 15 years of dealing with it (before I moved away) is they do not see themselves as having an issue until its too late. You cannot reach through to anyone until they decide to listen and accept help on their own. They have to come to the conclusion that they need a hand, or some help before its even considered. What happened to your brother was not your fault. You tried more then most would have to get through to him, and without him coming to the realization that he needed help on his own nothing you did or anyone did would have mattered.
The second thing I learned growing up in that environment was to stay sober. I've seen first hand how booze amplifies the problems one is going through. weather financial, psycho-social, or otherwise. Admittedly a good time can be a great time with a drink or 2, but that good time can also turn ugly in a second with 5-6 drinks. Someone mentioned earlier that your problems are always going to be there when you wake up unless you meet them head on and get past them. I don't know your problems, I wont begin to try and down play them,but you seem to carry a lot of misplaced guilt and at the same time that guilt is not because you caused anyone harm, but because you feel like you didn't do enough to prevent it. That means you tried when most would walk away, you were there when people needed you. Right now you seem like you need that helpful spirit for yourself. Time for Rub to worry about Rub and work on Rub. We have never met, but having read your posts and the advice you have givin people here and always being quick to help others, it speaks to who you are. You wanna help sort people out and its time to sort yourself out for a bit.
Keep a clear head and start with 1 small thing a day.
The second thing I learned growing up in that environment was to stay sober. I've seen first hand how booze amplifies the problems one is going through. weather financial, psycho-social, or otherwise. Admittedly a good time can be a great time with a drink or 2, but that good time can also turn ugly in a second with 5-6 drinks. Someone mentioned earlier that your problems are always going to be there when you wake up unless you meet them head on and get past them. I don't know your problems, I wont begin to try and down play them,but you seem to carry a lot of misplaced guilt and at the same time that guilt is not because you caused anyone harm, but because you feel like you didn't do enough to prevent it. That means you tried when most would walk away, you were there when people needed you. Right now you seem like you need that helpful spirit for yourself. Time for Rub to worry about Rub and work on Rub. We have never met, but having read your posts and the advice you have givin people here and always being quick to help others, it speaks to who you are. You wanna help sort people out and its time to sort yourself out for a bit.
Keep a clear head and start with 1 small thing a day.
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Andy, we are all in control of our own destinies to a large degree; can't seem to do much when cancer or other illnesses make us take a hard left, but the rest is up to us.
Your brother controlled his, your children theirs, and you yours. Sure, there are factors along the way that might influence some, but I'm a huge proponent of not being a victim, so the bad things in my past didn't lead me down the wrong road. They only made me fight harder to get on the right path and made me stronger. There are things I could list here that I wish I could go back and change, things that might mean people I love are still living, but at the end of the day, adults control their own lives and me meddling might not have changed a thing.
You've got to find a better way to look at what's going on, stop taking the brunt of the blame for things you never controlled to begin with, and start focusing on whatever you need to focus on to get you to a better place. Guilt is unhealthy, and it won't change the past.
Your brother controlled his, your children theirs, and you yours. Sure, there are factors along the way that might influence some, but I'm a huge proponent of not being a victim, so the bad things in my past didn't lead me down the wrong road. They only made me fight harder to get on the right path and made me stronger. There are things I could list here that I wish I could go back and change, things that might mean people I love are still living, but at the end of the day, adults control their own lives and me meddling might not have changed a thing.
You've got to find a better way to look at what's going on, stop taking the brunt of the blame for things you never controlled to begin with, and start focusing on whatever you need to focus on to get you to a better place. Guilt is unhealthy, and it won't change the past.
TallTom
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I have a cousin that is transgender. They truly do live an agonized life. As a male he was miserable, as a female she is shunned. I'd never turn my back on someone for this. As long as they are genuinely crossed and not trying to simply address a social misfit that they try to blame on their unhappiness in general.
In my cousin's case, he was a social misfit. He was a genius level kid. Went to MIT at 16. But he couldn't carry on a conversation. She is now a professor at MIT. And still a social misfit. It's sort of one of those, what is responsible for what type thing. Is he/she a social misfit because of the gender identity, or would he be a social misfit seeking a way out of being a social misfit.
Regardless, the kid has a tough road in life regardless. But they want it bad enough to go through all it entails, then my hats off to them for running that gauntlet.
As to your brother. Don't feel guilty. My whole family tried to get my brother to try to "fit" better. After awhile everybody, sooner or later, just stays away from them. My mom being the final family member, is now having a so much better life, not being burdened with what his next drama will be. I haven't spoken to him in over 4 years. The only reason I did then, was because he got arrested for a felony and the Bondsman was trying to get me to secure bond. I asked my brother to tell me what happened. He lied. That was that.
Even his kids don't really know what is going on with him. My niece made mention that he was getting net to a mail order bride from the Philippines. That was like 3 years ago.
Rub.......Let it go. It will be so much easier on your life.
In my cousin's case, he was a social misfit. He was a genius level kid. Went to MIT at 16. But he couldn't carry on a conversation. She is now a professor at MIT. And still a social misfit. It's sort of one of those, what is responsible for what type thing. Is he/she a social misfit because of the gender identity, or would he be a social misfit seeking a way out of being a social misfit.
Regardless, the kid has a tough road in life regardless. But they want it bad enough to go through all it entails, then my hats off to them for running that gauntlet.
As to your brother. Don't feel guilty. My whole family tried to get my brother to try to "fit" better. After awhile everybody, sooner or later, just stays away from them. My mom being the final family member, is now having a so much better life, not being burdened with what his next drama will be. I haven't spoken to him in over 4 years. The only reason I did then, was because he got arrested for a felony and the Bondsman was trying to get me to secure bond. I asked my brother to tell me what happened. He lied. That was that.
Even his kids don't really know what is going on with him. My niece made mention that he was getting net to a mail order bride from the Philippines. That was like 3 years ago.
Rub.......Let it go. It will be so much easier on your life.
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Got a call from somebody I have never met (flatlandbusa) you gotta love the Org.
We chatted for a bit,very nice guy. Today I feel a little better. My daughter texted me yesterday out of the blue,that was nice. I'm gonna try and eat something and maybe get out for a ride. I'm still down,but nothing like a couple days ago. I've been trying to read and learn from you good folks,try and cheer up and stop being such a cry baby.Thanks for looking in. I'll take all the advice and encouragement I can get.
Rubb.
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Got a call from somebody I have never met (flatlandbusa) you gotta love the Org.
Thanks for looking in. I'll take all the advice and encouragement I can get.
Rubb.
It was good talking to you!
Call anytime you feel like.
Big Bo
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Damn RSD, I guess when the ex and I split it hit me hard. I cried like a baby. Then one day I told me, HEY!!!, I was not the one out screwing around. I went to work, and came home. Still I was the *******. She told me I made her cheat. HAHA. I rode my bike and started talking to women on dating sites. Met some nice and some not so nice women. Met a woman that was as lonely as I was. We hit it off that night. Talked like old friends. Will be married for one year in a couple weeks. Life is good.
Please do not give up. YOU can make it better. NEVER give up. Take a ride. Meet people. Enjoy life.
I wish you the very best.
Please do not give up. YOU can make it better. NEVER give up. Take a ride. Meet people. Enjoy life.
I wish you the very best.
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Big BO in the house. Nice to hear others have gone thru the same sorts of things.Thanks for reaching out Bro.
RSD.
Nice to hear others have gone thru the same sorts of things.Thanks for reaching out Bro.RSD.
jellyrug
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Gotta find something to do Bro. There is too much to do in one lifetime, just pick one simple thing and try get as good as a Pro, doing that one thing as best as you can.
I use to have BAD spells of depression, they use to come and go. Then I did a bit of research and stopped drinking coffee. The depression never came back, seriously. But that is just me.
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That's interesting...coffee 'eh? Do you drink any caffeine at all now? Hrmm...
For me, it's winter, the cold, the dreariness of it all, no green grass or leaves on the trees, everything seems dead. I hate winter so much, I often wonder if I can continue to live in a place that has seasons. How do people thrive in cold climates?
I'd never make it any further north than I am now, and I don't have bad winters here in Virginia, but this last winter has been the worst for me, mentally...Spring is finally here and I'm coming out of the fog I've been in; getting back outside and things are coming back to life.
Yep, gotta agree with jellyrug - get yourself out and get doing something, anything...
jellyrug
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No caffeine.
Scroll down in the link to the science of withdrawal, as that is exactly what I experienced.
Caffeine Withdrawal Symptoms: Top Ten
RedBusarider
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Good link Jelly.
I don't drink coffee ever and soda is rare. I Drink more water than anything else, about 3 quarts a day.
Now doesn't chocolate have caffeine in it? Maybe it's a different kind or much lower amount IDK.