gurrera
Registered
- Joined
- May 15, 2003
- Messages
- 1,453
- Reaction score
- 1,923
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have
Remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was: 'SHUT UP.'
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out,
fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gurrera
Remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was: 'SHUT UP.'
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out,
fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gurrera
