MrGxr
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Remarkable Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old
he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated
such value lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain,
why the early bird gets the worm and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn)
and reliable Parenting strategies
(adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate
when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student,
only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when
schools were required to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student;
but, could not inform the parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live
as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming cup of coffee was hot,
she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers;
My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because
so few realized he was gone.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old
he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated
such value lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain,
why the early bird gets the worm and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn)
and reliable Parenting strategies
(adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate
when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student,
only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when
schools were required to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student;
but, could not inform the parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live
as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming cup of coffee was hot,
she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers;
My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because
so few realized he was gone.
