Life's beautiful lessons

[Projekt]

I guess the most important thing that I have learned in the years recently past is the importance of scrutiny and being selective. No longer do I only go after the hottest girl on the street, she comes after me and I shoot them down left and right. This is done by keen observation and before there is any intimacy. Not one to waste time, it is my philosophy that every minute wasted on a woman that is just not up to standard either financially, socially, emotionally or rationally is a minute lost in the search and acquisition of said fantasy girl.

Trust me.. I know they are out there, just haven't been able to land one worth my time and meeting the criteria.

This one is super hot but suffered from inability to reign in her explosive personality.

That one had intimacy issues and was a self recognized cold woman even though all the intimacy we had was beautiful and I was willing to overlook the little things as long as she overlooked my little things.

The one before all of them was an emotional torturer whose favorite method was using jealousy and frayed me until the line snapped.

Others have come and gone, mostly because we both had too many options or one of us got distracted. That, usually after landing her in my bed in the worst conditions I ever lived about 14 months ago.

Life's beautiful lessons are indeed beautiful and I cherish everyone of them. I'll have to digitize some pics but here are a few to get started on this timeline of lessons.

 

[VaBusa]

I think you miss them and the drama they brought to your life

 

[Projekt]

I miss the unbridled affection.. Never was a fan of drama but I have been accused of thriving on drama and chaos. The issue really is that when it is time to stick to my guns, I really stick to them and they claim not to be able to get through to me or that I am a stubborn mule-headed arse-hole.

 

[VaBusa]

I miss the unbridled affection.. Never was a fan of drama but I have been accused of thriving on drama and chaos. The issue really is that when it is time to stick to my guns, I really stick to them and they claim not to be able to get through to me or that I am a stubborn mule-headed arse-hole.

Just more of a rhetorical question than anything, but do men ever really look at themselves and wonder if there's room for improvement? I'm not talking about physically, or "must make more $", I mean "soul-searching" type stuff that it seems women do constantly. I know we fail, but I know we do constantly question our place, how we handle situations, how can we be better people, etc...do men do that? I think I know the answer, but perhaps I really don't...

 

[skydivr]

Just more of a rhetorical question than anything, but do men ever really look at themselves and wonder if there's room for improvement? I'm not talking about physically, or "must make more $", I mean "soul-searching" type stuff that it seems women do constantly. I know we fail, but I know we do constantly question our place, how we handle situations, how can we be better people, etc...do men do that? I think I know the answer, but perhaps I really don't...

Vabs, I watch my wife go thru this "self-improvement" thing all the time, which the result usually is that she feels she missing something or she needs to improve on something which just increases her fear about not being 'complete'. So then she gets depressed. Then, of course, since she feels 'incomplete' she starts telling me about all the stuff that I should feel 'incomplete' about.

Men don't worry about that stuff as much, and most seem much more comfortable in their own skin. I knew a long time ago I was not going to be a male model or a movie start - "I am what I am, and that should be good enough" is more my philosophy. I don't spend all day fretting over what I'm not...but what I am is 100% genuiune and 'mine', not subject to much change - and if that's not good enough, then you knew that when you met me...But, that also means I can be counted on for those things that I was counted on in the first place, too.

 

[VaBusa]

Vabs, I watch my wife go thru this "self-improvement" thing all the time, which the result usually is that she feels she missing something or she needs to improve on something which just increases her fear about not being 'complete'. So then she gets depressed. Then, of course, since she feels 'incomplete' she starts telling me about all the stuff that I should feel 'incomplete' about.

Men don't worry about that stuff as much, and most seem much more comfortable in their own skin. I knew a long time ago I was not going to be a male model or a movie start - "I am what I am, and that should be good enough" is more my philosophy. I don't spend all day fretting over what I'm not...but what I am is 100% genuiune and 'mine', not subject to much change - and if that's not good enough, then you knew that when you met me...But, that also means I can be counted on for those things that I was counted on in the first place, too.

Yep and yep...I get all of that...hence, it was more rhetorical than anything. I thought to mention it only because Projekt hinted at some *gasp* "flaws" others may see in him, in getting through to him...just made me wonder if he sees that perhaps it's not always the other person and there's always room for self-improvement. I'm not making a jab at men, but I just think most guys feel like you just stated - you get what you get, and that's both good and bad. Women fret too much, and that's both bad and good...

Just observations

 

[Projekt]

Depends on the guy.

I know that I am so adaptable to a woman's needs that she fails to even see how much she takes it for granted. For example, every little issue or major issue that chapped my hide about girl number two was generally set aside in the interest of enjoying our limited time together peacefully and lovingly. Her straw that broke the camel's back however was suddenly brought into the mix in early October when she began the battle with her new weapon: Interruptions and supposedly not listening to her.

Funny thing is that I had never really subjected her to my needs besides making my case about some nuances in our relationship that went against my philosophy and even hers in the grand scheme of things. When I finally called her out with the multiple headed ten megaton hydrogen bomb of stuff just set aside, she was demoralized. Sad but true, and the ultimate end and test of her "so called hard to say love" for me was to release seed into her intentionally for the first time so as to sort out her overly stated directionless and goal-less life. That act led to the most fundamental fit to the level of emotional melt down.

You've seen my posts about this and that and maybe noticed the one that said "A woman without direction is a woman without children". She is the one that helped me coin that term. Now I have to compile all of my accumulated philosophical statements into a manuscript to shoot for a publisher. All thanks to the desire to attract the most viable woman I can possibly attract and that battle for personal development rages on.

Happy to oblige.

 

[VaBusa]

Depends on the guy.

I know that I am so adaptable to a woman's needs that she fails to even see how much she takes it for granted. For example, every little issue or major issue that chapped my hide about girl number two was generally set aside in the interest of enjoying our limited time together peacefully and lovingly. Her straw that broke the camel's back however was suddenly brought into the mix in early October when she began the battle with her new weapon: Interruptions and supposedly not listening to her.

Funny thing is that I had never really subjected her to my needs besides making my case about some nuances in our relationship that went against my philosophy and even hers in the grand scheme of things. When I finally called her out with the multiple headed ten megaton hydrogen bomb of stuff just set aside, she was demoralized. Sad but true, and the ultimate end and test of her "so called hard to say love" for me was to release seed into her intentionally for the first time so as to sort out her overly stated directionless and goal-less life. That act led to the most fundamental fit to the level of emotional melt down.

You've seen my posts about this and that and maybe noticed the one that said "A woman without direction is a woman without children". She is the one that helped me coin that term. Now I have to compile all of my accumulated philosophical statements into a manuscript to shoot for a publisher. All thanks to the desire to attract the most viable woman I can possibly attract and that battle for personal development rages on.

Happy to oblige.

I get it, I think

I will, though, respectfully disagree with your assessment that a "woman without direction is a woman without children"...women are not soley here to breed and carry on your legacy, sad as that may be to mankind. I hate to say this because it'll get flack, but that feels like a woman's worth is simply boiled down to what she can do for a man, and a man's worth is solely dependent upon his ability to leave a legacy. That feels very self-centered, IMHO, but, by the same token, I realize we both have different paths and beliefs in life.

I think people see and assess what they feel fits them best, but that doesn't mean it's the end-all for everyone else. I think you are seeking something very specific, though I dare not assume I know what it is. I do think life's a continual journey of self-improvement, and if you don't like A, try B...if B gets old, move on to C. Sometimes it's not just the others in your life, sometimes it's you. That's hard to accept for some, male or female, it makes little difference...

 

[skydivr]

Believe me Vabs, I've got plenty of flaws (my wife can point them all out to you)

However, they are pretty much the identical flaws I had when she married me, and so are the things that aren't flawed that drew her to me in the first place. Men marry hoping their partner will never change, and women marry expecting/demanding/hoping change, when if they weren't satisfied with the other person they shouldn't have gotten together it the first place.

I will say this about women and children: Some women lead perfectly happy and satisfied lives without children, and men too. But, If I were a woman, I'd think I'd feel incomplete if I didn't eventually use the plumbing that God gave me (not my legacy, but HERS). Not as much as a woman (since I didn't carry my child to term inside me), but now that I've got a child, I don't know what life would be like without her and am very grateful...

 

[VaBusa]

Believe me Vabs, I've got plenty of flaws (my wife can point them all out to you)

However, they are pretty much the identical flaws I had when she married me, and so are the things that aren't flawed that drew her to me in the first place. Men marry hoping their partner will never change, and women marry expecting/demanding/hoping change, when if they weren't satisfied with the other person they shouldn't have gotten together it the first place.

I will say this about women and children: Some women lead perfectly happy and satisfied lives without children, and men too. But, If I were a woman, I'd think I'd feel incomplete if I didn't eventually use the plumbing that God gave me (not my legacy, but HERS). Not as much as a woman (since I didn't carry my child to term inside me), but now that I've got a child, I don't know what life would be like without her and am very grateful...

Shoot, we could all tell you some of your flaws There's an ongoing list somewhere around here

Understood...I do believe in the simple fact that you can't go in to a relationship expecting them to change...but, growing on both sides of that coin is likely unavoidable...

I get that statement about women feeling incomplete too, however, I have friends that have opted to live a child-free life and are enjoying every moment of it. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in this world and I can't imagine life without them, but it took way more than a hope and a dream to have them...it took tons of science for this gal; battling infertility for 7 years truly tested me in every way. So, remember, not everyone seems to have been blessed to just be parents, and I'm sure you see this every day - tons of people nowadays simply shouldn't be, yet they are Shoot, that's another discussion entirely...

 

[skydivr]

Shoot, we could all tell you some of your flaws There's an ongoing list somewhere around here

Understood...I do believe in the simple fact that you can't go in to a relationship expecting them to change...but, growing on both sides of that coin is likely unavoidable...

I get that statement about women feeling incomplete too, however, I have friends that have opted to live a child-free life and are enjoying every moment of it. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in this world and I can't imagine life without them, but it took way more than a hope and a dream to have them...it took tons of science for this gal; battling infertility for 7 years truly tested me in every way. So, remember, not everyone seems to have been blessed to just be parents, and I'm sure you see this every day - tons of people nowadays simply shouldn't be, yet they are Shoot, that's another discussion entirely...

I wasn't going to state the obvious...so you took care of that for me

Sure, I would expect that everyone is going to change some, but not on the core stuff that makes you who you really are...

I've got a friend, who is just too dang picky so she's gonna be a spinster. It's now too late for her to have kids. She's got three Shelties, and she dotes on them like they are her kids...but she doesn't fool me for one second I know it bothers the heck out of her...