Ok, im a religious person, but some of these are just funny! No offense to anyone!
Actual church bulletins......
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
-------------------------------------------- --------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this
tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
Actual church bulletins......
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
-------------------------------------------- --------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this
tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
j/k
