Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word..... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some ! pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons
I told that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if
he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has
had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old couple made me feel better by th! anking m e for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so
hard!
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word..... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some ! pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons
I told that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the
last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if
he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has
had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old couple made me feel better by th! anking m e for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so
hard!
