Yesterday we had a suicide. I won't go into details, but the victim, a male in his 50's, ensured that an open casket funeral would be impossible. He leaves a note with his wife's information and a request that she be contacted.
That's where I come in. I have a reputation for being a compassionate officer, so I tend to get tasked with making death notifications. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that it's the worst part of my job, bar none.
I get to the house and knock on the door.....
Wife: Who is it?
Me: Police Department, ma'am.
Wife: What do you want?
Me: I need to speak with you. Open the door, please.
Door cracks open and she looks out. She sees me standing next to a chaplain.
Me: May we come in for a moment?
Wife: No. Why???
Me: Ma'am, I have bad news, may we please step inside?
Wife: Tell me! *at this point you can see the panic on her face*
Me: I'm so sorry, but your husband is gone. He's passed away.
Wife: *collapses to the floor, wracked with grief*
When she found out it was by suicide, she came completely unglued.
It took the chaplain and I over an hour to get to where she was calm enough to give us info on how to reach family for her to get her some support. I won't leave someone I've just notified of a family death until they are surrounded by people who love them. I'd expect the same if I were in her shoes.
Family and friends arrive, lots of group praying, lots of crying. This poor lady will forever associate Christmas with the suicide of her husband. She'll forever blame herself for not doing that one small thing that wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway. I clasped her outstretched hand with both my hands and told her that nothing she could have said or done could have saved him. Those are empty words for her, though. The self-blame will always be there.
I don't care how bad it gets for you and how good you think this world would be without you, you're ripping the souls out of those who love you when you decide on this permanent solution to your temporary problems.
SuicideHotlines.com - When You Feel You Can't Go On -- Let Someone Know Your Pain.
That's where I come in. I have a reputation for being a compassionate officer, so I tend to get tasked with making death notifications. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that it's the worst part of my job, bar none.
I get to the house and knock on the door.....
Wife: Who is it?
Me: Police Department, ma'am.
Wife: What do you want?
Me: I need to speak with you. Open the door, please.
Door cracks open and she looks out. She sees me standing next to a chaplain.
Me: May we come in for a moment?
Wife: No. Why???
Me: Ma'am, I have bad news, may we please step inside?
Wife: Tell me! *at this point you can see the panic on her face*
Me: I'm so sorry, but your husband is gone. He's passed away.
Wife: *collapses to the floor, wracked with grief*
When she found out it was by suicide, she came completely unglued.
It took the chaplain and I over an hour to get to where she was calm enough to give us info on how to reach family for her to get her some support. I won't leave someone I've just notified of a family death until they are surrounded by people who love them. I'd expect the same if I were in her shoes.
Family and friends arrive, lots of group praying, lots of crying. This poor lady will forever associate Christmas with the suicide of her husband. She'll forever blame herself for not doing that one small thing that wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway. I clasped her outstretched hand with both my hands and told her that nothing she could have said or done could have saved him. Those are empty words for her, though. The self-blame will always be there.
I don't care how bad it gets for you and how good you think this world would be without you, you're ripping the souls out of those who love you when you decide on this permanent solution to your temporary problems.
SuicideHotlines.com - When You Feel You Can't Go On -- Let Someone Know Your Pain.