I'm really sorry your daughter is starting out her adult life like this,nothing like your baby girls innocense being stolen by a younger version of ourselves! I dont think I could have been as composed as you,so my hat is off to you.As some one else has already said, she will need you more now than ever,dont start thinking about where you went wrong,I'm sure you're a good father and instilled all the right morals and values a father should. But sometimes you know what? You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink! Personally, I would seriously consider some charges against this kid,doesnt matter if takes 2,you placed a certain amount of trust in this young man and he betrayed you.Talk it over with your wife and make well informed decisions and not hasty ones.Bottom line, you cant turn back the clock, consider ALL the options as you are still her father and all the best in your decision making. NJ.
I've already gone through most of the State Statutes concerning the issues, but the one problem is that if I charge him with anything, then she gets charged too, and they'll both end up being registered sex offenders. These laws are screwed up.
I have looked very closely at the paternety issue. The burden of proof lies with the father, so he'll have to pay to have the test done if we contest it. He and his family do not have the money for. We'll see how it works out. It's up to the daughter as to whether or not she lists him.
He might surprise us and turn his life around, but we're not holding our breath. We're betting he will bail sooner or later. The only good thing about listing him as the father, is that he will then be liable for child support. I'll enjoy taking him to court for that.
I'm a Sex Offender Agent, Jim. I deal more with child pornography and sexual exploitation; however, I have had experience with situations such as this.
Keep in mind, although statutes apply throughout the state, each county does things a slightly different based on the practices of the DA currently holding office. Statutes delineate specific criteria for each degree of sexual assault, define certain elements, etcetera; however, I believe:
IF you were to go the route of reporting this, yes, they could both be charged unless there is an age difference. For instance: if he is 17 and she is 16 or vice versa. Typically the age difference is more severe, such as three years or more; the 17 year old who has intercourse with the 14 year old.
With the age difference comes this expectation: in a consensual sexual encounter the older of the two, although they are both juveniles and can not legally give consent, has the burden of taking into consideration the well being of the younger. Typically, actually always in my experience, the older party will be charged out. In this instance, and I don't have any contact or experience with the DA's office in Kenosha County, I highly doubt any action would be taken. Even if charges were referred, I believe the District Attorney would more than likely decline charging. If it was consensual, as it appears it was...
I would say the more important thing to consider is that if this is reported to law enforcement, the local le will have the responsibility to report it to social services and when CPS gets involved - your life can be a living nightmare, a living nightmare, a living nightmare, a living nightmare...I am not making light either. You get some nasty CPS worker(s) they can take control and neither hell nor high water will get them to let go. That is the nasty scenario. There are good and decent, well meaning and caring CPS workers out there. But they can dictate your and your daughter's lives, your grand-baby's life, etc.
I feel for you Jim. If there is anything I might be able to do for you, I'm only a couple of hours away.
Jason
