Jeff Foxworthy on Colorado
(It was only a matter of time before Jeff Foxworthy took a couple of
shots at Colorado!)
You are a Coloradoan if..............
1. You switch from "Heat" to sworty"A/C" within 24 hours, perhaps even the same day.
2. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.
5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have
your own special bike lane.
6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.
8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat
Tire Beer.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.
11. You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and
spring blizzards
12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU victory.
13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but
can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of
beer and not get a buzz.
17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.
18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
19. April showers bring May blizzards.
20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.
21. You know what a 'Chinook' is
22. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.
23. You know what a "fourteener" is.
24. ..But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.
25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much
as a Democrat in Congress does.
26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.
27. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.
28. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
29. Thunder has set off your car alarm.
30. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.
31. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
32. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!
33. You know where the real "South Park" is.
34. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
35. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _ ___ Pass.'
36. You've checked for ticks.
37. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.
38. You've gone snow skiing in July and.........
39. You've played golf in January and.......
40. They were in the same year!
41. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run
into both oceans, and you get a certain feeling of satisfaction from
knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.
42. You know what a downslope and an upslope weather pattern is.
43. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your Colorado friends - even those that deserted.
(It was only a matter of time before Jeff Foxworthy took a couple of
shots at Colorado!)
You are a Coloradoan if..............
1. You switch from "Heat" to sworty"A/C" within 24 hours, perhaps even the same day.
2. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.
5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have
your own special bike lane.
6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.
8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat
Tire Beer.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.
11. You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and
spring blizzards
12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU victory.
13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but
can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of
beer and not get a buzz.
17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.
18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
19. April showers bring May blizzards.
20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.
21. You know what a 'Chinook' is
22. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.
23. You know what a "fourteener" is.
24. ..But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.
25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much
as a Democrat in Congress does.
26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.
27. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.
28. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
29. Thunder has set off your car alarm.
30. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.
31. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
32. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!
33. You know where the real "South Park" is.
34. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
35. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _ ___ Pass.'
36. You've checked for ticks.
37. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.
38. You've gone snow skiing in July and.........
39. You've played golf in January and.......
40. They were in the same year!
41. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run
into both oceans, and you get a certain feeling of satisfaction from
knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.
42. You know what a downslope and an upslope weather pattern is.
43. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your Colorado friends - even those that deserted.
